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Heeeeeeheeeeeeheeeeee... I really REALLY like this story!
I hope you updated soon... It's been over a year since the last update... you are an AMAZING writer!

Best story ever!
( and I have read hundreds, literally)

Yes more past flashbacks.

Hi love the story though wish it was a little longer. I love flashbacks just not flashbacks that take up a whole chapter. Have a good day or night.

Nice

Please update soon.
Awesome chapter.

Inspiring

This is one hell of an amazing Story! Will Percy go to camp? Because that would be interesting

when are you going to update

Interesting

Love it

Do they need Percy because his dad (Kronos) is rising and they believe that he is the only one who can help them?

Hello! First up, this is a fascinating premise. I'm really intrigued by the gritty world you've introduced here, especially with the PJ characters who always felt slightly out of place in the colourful world R.R wrote them in.

First up, some S.P.A.G issues for the first chapter: The first paragraph has a their/there mix up. There's also a few places throughout the chapter where you've forgotten to space between words. Get a beta to run over your chapters quickly and these small issues won't be a problem anymore, don't worry!

Looking at structure and pacing - the paragraph about the asteroid falling sits a little strangely in the rest of the story, and takes the reader out of their immersion. Try reading published novels or fics by authors you like the style of, and note the way they structure their sentences and draw the reader into the story. Once you pick that up, you'll notice your writing improving with leaps and bounds!

Other than that, you've made a very interesting world and I can see a lot of people being keen to know more about this story you're creating! Good luck and keep writing, the best way to improve is by practicing regularly!

Ok, you asked for it... here is my concrit;

Grammar - Over all, I didn't see that many mistakes but I did notice some questionable choices.

Opening Line - I'm a believer in a strong opening line to set the mood of the story. Your's didn't, and was weak and redundant. You didn't need to keep adding "physically and emotionally" when you had "broken children". You should had gone with just that, so the reader could wonder to what they're broken of.

First Paragraph -"use to be modern and futuristic;" Ok, who in the hell uses a line that way to explain a world when the you opens the story with talking about children. It threw me right out of their plight into this long-winded set-up of the world.

Second Paragraph - Now you as the author are addressing the read, which I did't much care for. If this is a Greek story, then do it as the Greeks would with someone telling the tale much later around a fire. Overall, this is why the First & Second Paragraph didn't match in my opinion. It ruined the flow when you switched into addressing the reader.

World Building - Much, much too long. You could had put much of that in the story later through the characters. Some was even unless information to the reader, since you can expect many of use to forget it before it becomes needed in later chapters.

Children's Descriptions - Too much lumped in one paragraph, which became forgotten once you started reading the dialog. About 50% of that paragraph should had been seeded amongst the dialog.

Perseus Jackson - His intro was too long, some of that could be put in the next scene. You spent two paragraphs on doing the slow-mo on Perseus and forgot Thalia. If it's her POV, its fine to do some of it but don't forget about her feelings and looks. And no one does a heroes backstory in their head like that, and not after you five paragraphs of set-up on Thalia.

Lastly, a grammar problem I just noticed. You used "She" way too often, 14 times by my count in Thalia's five paragraphs. Something your Beta should had noticed.

So there you go, First Chapter ConCrit. I hope it helps...