Though the beginning was hard to get into, it really picked up for me in chapter 5 and following for sure, and still going strong as I'm through chapter 8. It's definitely to the point where the typos aren't bothering me much, and that's the real test isn't it? :)

Cuofeng, thanks for creating and sharing this story. It was sweet and beautiful and exciting. Since you asked about pacing, there were a few places towards the beginning where things got kind of slow, and there were a few moments in the last third (all the fights with the Masks) that were maybe too much action without enough recuperation time. Though your writing is such a pleasure to read, I don't think I was ever "thrown out" of the story.

The ending was excellent-Ayika & Mizumi, "Should we involve the Avatar?"... I guess my one lingering question is, what are the consequences of the Kuang being set free? Does the Bed get flooded?

Anyway, I've enjoyed this immensely, and I'm kind of sad that now I have to find something else to read on my commute.

Keep writing!
~Apocope

Holy dang. Don't do it, Ayika! Cuofeng, you're breaking my heart here.

Great action these past few chapters! I love the slow build up of revealing Ayika's spiritual powers and her growing infatuation with Mizumi.

One question: did you build an entire conlang for the Fire Nation language? I'm curious what Mizumi is shouting at the end there :)

Ach! This is so good! I loved the bit of humor about the hand signs-very cute!

I'm not totally clear on what the goal of the Society of the Masks is (expunge the Fire Nation? start a religious coup?), but I do have a theory about the masks themselves: the masks have spirits trapped inside!

I found this story a few days ago on Reddit, and I have to say, I am enjoying it immensely! The characters are relateable (and funny!), the writing is gorgeous, and the worldbuilding is absolutely amazing. You have clearly done your research!

I'm curious when we'll get back to the mcguffin from chapter one, though I have no problem simply following Ayika around in her daily life, which you've made interesting and engaging without resorting to blood and guts or contrived romance.

If you ever write an original fiction novel, I would gladly buy it.

Keep writing!

Congratulations on your awesome story!

1. One of the things I liked the most is the way spirits work. I feel the show’s “human emotion affects spirits” was too one-sided. I liked how in your story they both influence each other. I especially enjoyed the fire spirit summoning scene – I like magic systems that involve bargaining and muddling through with incomplete information.

2. I also enjoyed the role of bending in the story, rarer and more powerful (not because characters are stronger than in the show, but because they are willing to maim and kill with it). That might lead to a X-Men discussion about how society deals with super-powered individuals, but in the Avatar world society already has a cultural framework to fit in benders, maybe that’s enough.

3. Like other reviewers suggested, adding a map isn’t essential but would be fun. Perhaps you already have a sketch you used while writing?

4. You could considering grouping the paragraphs into 3-4 books.

5. It does make a lot more sense for the nations to have distinct languages (and probably different languages for nobles, priests, commoners, etc). Did you consider naming the languages instead of referring to them as “language of the kingdom”?

6. Ayika/Mizumi is a love story that transcends race and class. This makes the Lili-Xinfei relationship seem a greater coincidence (too many kind-hearted rich girls). However, I’m not sure how this could be changed

7. Ayika and Mizumi seem to spend most of the story pining for each other without doing anything about it, which might get monotonous at times. Part of it is that we know what both of them are thinking. If we knew only Ayika’s side, then we could share in her apprehension and obsess with her about whether each little detail meant anything. Another option is to have one of them make a move and get rejected (Katara’s “I’m confused”), which buys us more time for the tension to rebuild.

8. I love the history class in Chapter 5, keeping the China-Japan analogy. I agree the Water Tribe makes an excellent Viking analogue. Good point on Zuko’s coup. He had his agni kai with Azula, but he had Katara’s help, there were no witnesses, and I’m not sure traitorous princes are still allowed to challenge someone. Even if the agni kai is legal, however, that still leaves the question of whether an elite that has been living in war mode for a hundred years would want to shift to peace. The existence of a pro-peace trade faction that is tired of the influence of the generals is a good option.

9. Lili went rather quickly from being evil cheerleader to ally (after all, she needs to be an ally to get in on the action). Maybe you could keep her evil for longer, and make a more gradual, grudging transition?

10. Ayika’s rejection of Xinfei was relatively subdued, I don’t think he even acknowledged his feelings for her. If you want to dial up the drama, you could have him pour his heart out and get explicitly rejected. This would probably involving a longer period of sulking and more effort to repair the friendship.

11. Lili chasing Xiaobao a little before giving up could be fun. It would also give Lili and Xinfei rejections they can bond over.

12. What is Ma’er’s motivation? Why did he come out of retirement to monitor the student nationalists? His delay in informing Public Safety about developments suggests an independent streak (for Dai Li standards). Did he do something that forced him to retire early?

13. I was as surprised as everyone else when Erliao showed up alive, well done! But if no body was found in the mansion, why did they assume he was dead?

14. What was Mama Mua’s betrayal? Did she cheat on the Professor with Erliao?

15. In the final battle, at times it didn’t feel like the rest of the team was directly contributing to victory. Perhaps Xiaobao should have stayed with the blackbands (he’s the leader after all), but they could also be given something to do other than try to contain Masks and city guards. Mae’er and Mua could have stuck with Ayika instead of breaking off to protect a handful a civilians.

16. Sorry, basic question: why did the city spirits conspire to “free” the river spirit? What did that accomplish?

17. I loved the Ministerial session at the end, where the whole thing was classified as too minor to bother the Avatar. Shouldn’t Aang have felt a disturbance in the Force, though?

18. Can we please pretty please have an epilogue? We want to see more Ayika Mizuki. Maybe Aang visits Ayika in Ba Sing Se or the Spirit World?

Congratulations! 66 chapters, 285,000 words and a whole lot of worldbuilding and character development. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this fanfic, and I'm even more pleased you managed to stick to it and get it finished. I look forward to reading any further projects you might have planned.

I can't believe it's over. Excuse me while I go cry in the corner.

As far as constructive criticism goes, I think the pacing was pretty good actually. I also really like the chapter sizes - a lot of authors tend to write chapters that are too short or too long, but you did a good job of cleanly ending the chapter after a significant event or two, rather than in the middle of a significant event or without one happening. You also made sure that no one chapter was purely filler - it was obvious that the plot was moving forward, even if we didn't know how at the moment. There are some minor mistakes that should be picked up the next time someone proofreads. Additionally, I think there should be a map attached to the story - otherwise, it can be very difficult to visualize where everything is occurring.

But this is still a fantastic story! Congrats on finishing, and best of luck in the future!

Yikes! I thought this was going to be the climax, but things just keep getting worse. This is going to be messy and great!

I finally caught up with this story, and the tension is ratcheting up. Great job! I look forward to seeing what happens next.

I really like the vision and motifs that you start developing here! The first part of the chapter had me confused, but I think that might have been your intention. I don't know how much I like Ayika yet, but she seems spirited enough for be to be able to get behind and support.

Two minor things that I noticed, mechanically:
"The will of heaven places key to remaking" - add the "the"
"Taller building that that pressed up against this one." - get rid of a "that"

Again, I really like the themes that you have here of the rise of industrialization (if that's what I'm correctly picking up on.) I also felt that you were going to make a reference to a jungle before you did.

I like it, and can't wait until I hit the "next" button to read on!

Cant wait for chapter 50!

Er, not to nit pick, but would the part about the offerings really be cyclical? I thought the ordering was Fire - Air - Water - Earth?

Cant wait for chapter 48!