This story should be named "how to mistake abuse and imprisonment for romance" seriously this luna is brainwashed and clearly suffers from Stockholm syndrome. Why are you romanticising abuse?

Luna was really stupid, she should have gone in France.

Ooh so Barty saw Luna leaving and followed her to the Weasley household. I definitely didn't see that coming, as I thought he'd have to search for her or something. I love the inclusion of Harry, Hermione and the Weasley's, and it makes sense that she'd take shelter there while trying to hide from Barty. The ending was brilliant and a total cliffhanger, so I can't wait to find out what happens now they are in the same room together for the first time. I liked Harry's disapproval at releasing prisoners, and Molly's disbelief at the lie Luna told her was very in character (she's raised seven children after all) great job.

I had a feeling that Luna would try to run away, and I'm slightly worried about the consequences of this. I know he's being closely monitored by the Ministry, but Barty won't like the fact that she's hiding from him. Hopefully she's right about Xenophilius not getting harmed. I liked Luna's calm response to the news, and the fact that she didn't blame her father for the nasty situation he found himself in. Barty's response was calm as well, and it's very in character for him to ignore his dad's advice. I loved the line about him wondering which is worse out of living with a woman, or 100 dementors.

I love how Luna knows she should be more worried about her dad's behaviour, but she's pretty used to him acting unusually. I like how miffed she is about the flowers, but in the end her father is more important and she focuses on him. I laughed at Barry's reaction to the rules. I can't wait to see how he will cope during the six months. So Barty isn't apologetic and it's
all just an act. Unsurprisingly, he just wanted out of Azkaban and was saying what they needed to hear to get released. I can't wait to see how Luna and Barty respond to this vow that binds them together.

The plot thickens, and I definitely didn't see that one coming. Poor Xenophilius and Poppy, and I definitely agree that it's highly unlikely Charis died of a 'broken heart.' I feel so sorry for Luna as well, being promised to someone before she's even been born. I think the reluctance of Barty and his wife is very in character, and I can't say I blame them for not having the guts to say anything to Mr Crouch. I can't wait to read the next chapter and see where you take this story. I didn't notice any SPaG errors and I think this was an entertaining read.

Really good characterization. I especially like the line, "Everyone makes mistakes, Daddy," because it lets me know how Luna could have fallen in love with Barty. She's a relentlessly forgiving soul.

SPaG: I believe in the second sentence, the semicolon should be a comma.

Overall, really nice! Luna is taking a big risk by leaving the home, especially without knowing the full story. I mean, I'm sure that she trusts her father, but I don't know if I'd trust anybody's memory about the details of a contract decades after the contract was written. Hopefully her theory is correct.

I really loved seeing the father-daughter conversations. They have a real chemistry.

SpAG/Flow things/Typos:
I think the first two sentences could have been combined into one, as the second sentence breaks the flow a bit.
In the last sentence of the first paragraph, I believe the semicolon should be a colon or a comma.
Forgot the ending quotation mark: ["No. No, I'm not aware.]

Oh my god, Kingsley, you idiot. Why would you let these people who have been imprisoned suddenly be released into the wild with the rabid media/around other people in the Ministry without any acclimation. Couldn't you have managed something more private? Or maybe given them therapy *before* release? It only takes a second to kill someone, and a few more seconds for Aurors to get there.

I wonder why you decided to describe the receptionist. She didn't really seem important, but since you drew attention to her hair, maybe she will be in the future.

Again, I'm kind of not really sympathizing with Crouch yet. You jumped on every opportunity to emphasize how rudely people are treating Crouch (the media, the aurors, the receptionist's being scared to meet his eyes, etc.), but I'm not buying it yet. Hopefully that changes soon.

I'm glad that you're taking into account the crimes that Barty has committed (with the Auror's list). But I still disagree with Kingsley and think extra security for just six months isn't really enough.

Nice job ending the chapter like that! It's kind of a cliffy and makes me want to keep reading.

And the plot thickens!

Good job keeping the plot moving. I feel like every single line contributes to the story, which is great. Also, kudos; contrary to how I felt reading the last chapter, I feel like the stuff that occurred in this chapter could have actually happened.

SPaG: Not entirely sure, but when I learned grammar I was taught to put semicolons between things in a series if the things had commas in them. So it'd be [With his thick expanse of white blond hair; piercing, sparkling blue eyes...]
Also, I was taught to put hyphens between compound modifiers, so it'd be [shoulder-length, thick black hair...]
But these are just two nitpicky things (that might not even be standard English in Britain?)

My overall thoughts: is this even legal lmao. Ya shoulda got a lawyer, Xeno, when you got a damn death threat

My first thoughts when I saw the summary were, "Jesus, Luna, I know he has a sob story but get someone who deserves you."

I'm looking forward to seeing how you make me feel sorry for Barty. Based on the poem's focusing on Barty's being healed by Luna (and not really how she feels), I'm guessing it'll be told from his perspective.

The opening of the chapter really hooks me, because you start in the middle of something important.

[the wizarding World] I'm unfamiliar with how this term is capitalized in the books, but I thought I'd point it out just in case it's a typo.

So, in the first half of the chapter, I'd already realized what's happening. I knew that Kingsley was about to do something disgusting. My thoughts right now are a little bit like: "Wow, let's let these people who all should be classified terrorists, and at least one of which who should be serving a life sentence for treason, kidnapping, multiple attempted murders, multiple first degree murders, tortures, hate crimes, terrorism, identity theft, and other unforgivable crimes get parole! Because we cannot figure out any other solution to this 'alarming' social issue that has little scientific basis of wizards/witches falling in love with the people they do!" But what would I expect from a government that lied to the public about a dangerous man's death to "keep them safe."

This isn't an attack on your writing at all; my criticism is from a political standpoint. I'm not down for sympathizing with Death Eaters, and I'm disagree with Kingsley's decision on a political level. I suppose you could compare this to U.S. President Barack Obama's promises to empty Guantanamo Bay, but those two situations aren't really the same.

But your writing is lovely. I do like that you're addressing the reader's concerns by making them those of general society, like in the next line that says the wizards of Britain went into a widespread panic.

It's kind of hard to gauge the angle that you're going for (pro-Ministry decision, or anti?) because you have lines that sort of imply conflicting things.
"Nobody seemed to be willing to accept that the Ministry were simply offering the prisoners a chance to reform themselves and develop new lives." This line seems to imply that the author has a stance that's pro-Ministry (because of the word "simply" and phrase "willing to accept" and the general tone that suggests reasoning).
But then we have an image of Barty being incredibly insincere about his apologies (in the newspaper) and seeming like a real threat.

Overall, the chapter was really exciting. Excellent pacing and flow. I'm really interested to read more!

This introduction to John Dawlish is just wonderful. I love the term "Watchwizard"! But I actually laughed out loud at '"No," Barty replied blandly.' I could just picture it so clearly, partly because of the wonderful description you give of John, but also because of how realistic his dialogue is. The scene's just beautifully constructed.

The idea of Barty working, like, in an office… it's an interesting one! Haha I'm really looking forward to seeing how that one plays out. I know I'm getting ahead of myself a bit, but I'm already imagining his internal monologue there. The mention of it here is certainly building intrigue for the next chapter.

The scene with Luna is an interesting one. He's not in the best of moods to begin with, but Luna just walks into the room and it gets a rise out of him. He throws his weight around a little bit, gets to be the bigger man and she just takes it. But what really interested me is that by the time the little interaction is done, Barty's smiling. There are a few connotations here, but one of those is the hint that being around Luna cheers him up, and I love how subtle that is.

I spotted a couple of typos, but nothing major. I can't remember where they were, now, but there was an extra 'a' somewhere and you misspelled 'robes'.

All in all, a really strong chapter, well done.

This is an interesting pairing and one that I haven't read before, it will be interesting to see where you take this.

I like the idea of Death Eaters being given a second chance and released from Azkaban in order to help produce more witches/wizards so that the wizarding world doesn't die out. I hope the Ministry has a good plan in place for if it all goes wrong though, as they are taking a big risk.

I think you did a great job of portraying the horror and shock of everyone in the wizarding world when the news breaks out. My favourite part has to be the last paragraph with Xenophilius reacting to the news with terror and running to find Luna. I can picture it so clearly in my head. This was a very intriguing first chapter and I look forward to reading more. Great job :-)

“It wasn’t until the afternoon when Luna finally opened her eyes”- this sentence was a little awkward. It might sound better rephrased as, “By the time Luna finally opened her eyes, it was the afternoon”, or “When Luna finally opened her eyes, it was already afternoon”.

I really love the ‘tap, tap, tap’. It’s so beautifully done, and I love the way you intersperse it with Luna becoming gradually more aware of her surroundings, and then the noise. You haven’t dragged it out either- it’s the perfect length.

Excellent timing to bring the owl back! I love the letter- you write Xeno’s voice excellently and I love the way that you write her reaction to it. I also really like the way you’ve written Luna’s reply- I really love the way that she keeps her description of how Barty treats her short, but includes everything important.

“Giving her tear-streaked face another wipe with her sleeve”- I think this would be better phrased as “Wiping her tear-streaked face with her sleeve”- it just shortens it a bit (:

AWW I LOVE GINNY’S LETTER! I really love the way that you’ve brought in the Ginny/Luna friendship here because tbh it was one of my favourite relationships in the original books and I was always so disappointed that most stories about Ginny or Luna don’t look at their friendship. I really love the way that you’ve captured Ginny’s voice as well- you’ve really got her headstrong nature and her tendency to talk a little bit too much down perfectly.

Really well done on this chapter again! It served really well to further both plot and character development and I can’t wait to see what happens next!

I love the way that you start this chapter off straight where you left the last one. I was kind of expecting a bit of a time jump (maybe to the morning after), but I’m glad that you didn’t choose to do that, because time jumps have become rather common and a little cliched now. I love the way that you’ve described the drinking scene- you move well from the actual actions of drinking into Luna’s thoughts and deliberations on Barty.

Drunk Luna was very interesting. I love the way that you show her being inebriated; even though she doesn’t speak much, you can still tell that her mind has gone rather fuzzy. I really love the way that you’ve got Barty kind of looking out for her as well.

I like how you’ve used the alcohol as a way to get Luna to speak openly. I don’t think she would have without it, and I like how we’ve got a bit of raw honesty from both Luna and Barty here. I also like how you haven’t overdone it. You don’t have Luna pouring out all her feelings, and have Barty responding wholeheartedly. Instead, you’ve got just enough dialogue and just enough silence. Honestly, this whole scene is so masterfully done, really well done.

I like the change to Barty’s PoV at the end of the chapter, and I love the way that he feels sick about what could have possibly happened.

“Bolted up suddenly”- I didn’t like this, it felt a little awkward. I can’t quite think of a good replacement, but I feel like you need to change the verb.

“So arriving late would definitely not do him any favours” - this felt a little bit too much like you were spoon-feeding the reader. It might be a little more powerful if you say something like, “And it was only his second day at work. Fantastic.” That way, you’re implying that he’s not happy about being late, and that it won’t do him any favours, without stating it straight out.

This chapter was really well written- great job!

Hi Sophie! It’s been far too long, and I’ve really missed this story.

“When the clock ticked to four p.m.”- I found this a little awkward. The first sentence overall has a nice feel to it, but this part needs to change, just to aid flow. I think replacing it with “When the clock struck four P.M.”, or something similar might work better.

I love the italicization of the ‘what’. It’s such a tiny detail, but I really liked how the stress sounded when I read the entire paragraph- it really gives Barty’s voice a little more flavour.

“It unbelievable to think”- you’re missing a ‘was’ between ‘it’ and ‘unbelievable’ here.

I really love the interaction between Stamford and Barty. I love the way you’ve got Stamford slowly (but not exactly subtly) building up to asking Barty to work overtime . Stamford’s long, loopy sentences contrast nicely to Barty’s short, abrupt ones. Really well done here.

The scene with Luna starts off very nicely. It flows very well, and I love the detail. I think replacing ‘the bird’ with ‘the owl’ could be a nice change though, simply because when I think ‘bird’, I don’t necessarily think ‘owl’ (does that even make any sense?). I understand you using ‘the bird’ in order to avoid repetition, but tbh I don’t think it’ll make that big of a difference

“she quipped in response”- I don’t think that ‘quip’ is the right word here. To quip would be to make a short, somewhat humorous or ironic response, and that’s not really what she’s doing here.

I love the tension in the scene where they’re eating. It was so thick, you could literally cut through it, and I love how you’ve combined that raw tension with a degree of fear as well. Really well done on that. The description was literally perfect, and I love the way that you show us what Luna’s thinking- all of her uncertainties etc. etc.

Ooh, when he says “you’re going to have fun with me tonight”, I literally shuddered. It feels so ominous!