not a bad start

Ohh, I like this hiccup. Wonder what he is going to do next.

didn't see that coming.

oh God. keep writing! this is sorta the movie, with a few twists and I'm loving it. really good story (the kind "YAY another chap!" story).
already waiting for the next chap.
keep writing! :D

Nice, love the story, just give us more descriptions on ur new hiccup

Hey, it's a really good story, I already fell in love with it, so I'll just give you a piece of advice here for better reading: use paragraphs. It hurts the eyes to read a 10 line paragraph without pause, you know? Leave them with 3-6 lines. Just some advice.
So yeah, interesting story, well written. Keep writing!

Nice.