What you really need is a editor that can add emotion into conversation and a proofreader to make sure everything fits together with the theme of the story.

How in the world is the mass relays the greatest discovery ever when they have the the forerunners tech around.

You could try remaking it, this could be your draft for the true story

skyrim naruto is the most fucked up fanfic you could have written

It's a good story
Don't known why you would delete it.
Please continue

Aww no way. Pls continue! It was just getting good.

Great start. I would think that the Human UNSC Captain might be a little upset about aliens, Council or otherwise, learning about the location of the trans-galactic relay. They might use it as a backdoor. Just saying, UNSC really likes to limit non-human Intel.

What time is exactly less than a minute

Well have to say I’m disappointed here I saw good potential with this idea and was eager to seeing more. But if that’s your decision then hay do what you wish with your story. Thou I do hope you will say who will adopt this fanfic if anyone does.

The UNSC specially Oni would be wary of the Asari's Parasitism and the Salarian's Espionage. Just don't make them gullible and open like other fanfics its just plain stupid

Andromeda is about 2.5 million lightyears away from here, that ship has a maximum speed of about 1200 lightyears a day. Thats going to take them over 58 years to get there...

You need to work on your dialogue, it's very clunky and robotic.

I think you have a problem here, assuming that its been 30 years since the end of the war, the UNSC would have integrated themselves with Covenant and Forerunner tech, which means over 1000 lightyears per day, while travel between mass relays are around 10-15 light years a day (Around double for reapers). Assuming this, the power that is used to power the Mass Relay's is insignificant compared to the power that is used to power a slip-space drive. Thousands of lightyears in seconds is REALLY REALLY exaggerated. Forerunners could travel instantaneously in the galaxy. Get yo facts rite mate.

The story is up again? GREAT!

Short but all right. Good chapter

interesting, but the Destiny ascension would be around 3.552km - 4 km long, seeming according to the codex it's about 4 times larger than the largest systems alliance dreadnought, which is roughly anywhere from 888m - 1km, since the Everest class dreadnought is 888m and it's the the older class of the 2 SA dreadnought classes. So if you want a UNSC ship that's bigger than the Ascension, I'd recommend a Infinity class ship, which is roughly 5.694km in length.