This a really well executed tightly run plot, with a host of likeable characters. Color me impressed.

this story was brilliant! I hope you write more stories about Lily Luna

Hullo ;) Miss me?

So, I should be studying, but I needed a break and decided to browse some stories I never finished and, to my utter horror, this was one of them. Well, let's rectify that, shall we?

Colin, you are a dork. An adorable dork, but a dork all the same. I quite enjoyed the entire opening of this because, woohoo, he finally got the girl. *blows streamers* Now, you know I'm very staunch in my support of Lily/Scorpius, but it says something about this story that for most of my reread and new read of chapter 9 that I was going, "Scorpius who?"

The chapter title gives us a perfect look at the change in dynamics. He's not trying to woo her anymore, and now it's turned on it's head in that she's doing something to charm him.

*squirts* To be honest, I'd jinx Thomas as well. I was hoping the gag would continue with more and more people jinxing him, but that would have veered too far into the realms of parody... and, well, Colin/Lily casting a double jinx is fantastic because the couple that jinxes together stays together.

That dream though... I feel your pain, Colin. It isn't fun being caught like that... and I do sort of wonder what she saw poking her way into a boys dorm during that kind of dream. I hope his sheets covered all the... tents.

Dinner with the parents. Wow, does his sister know how to make things awkward. Reminds me of my own sister. They're pests, truth be told, but as brothers, we love them anyway. And, I do like the nod to the teachers knowing more than they should. I wonder what things McG has heard in her time.

Finally, the kiss. Yes, I was living for that entire scene, and my, they do work fast. Colin must be quite gifted if one kiss is enough for her to get her into bed with him. Yes, I know they're not doing anything now, but that fade to black leaves much to the imagination.

And the reveal. Oh my, the reveal. I absolutely loved it. So, it was her that sent him the book and that does show her somewhat cunning side, and it's so cute and sweet. Yes, Colin, get her boy. *Fist bumps my boi*

Overall, this entire story was a wonderfully light yet adorable read that had my grinning ear to ear throughout it all.

-Ciao Mate
Shane

This was so sweet! I would have loved to see what happened next. I can just imagine them walking down the steps hand in hand and stealing little kisses, then Hugo just shouts "Finally!" That would make an amazingly funny end to this.

You’re a great writer! I started this story yesterday and couldn’t wait to finish it today. I looked for “Order of the Poltergeist,” which you mentioned in your last chapter, but I couldn’t find it. Send me a link if you have it, I’d love to read about these characters as adults!

Cute story!

XD OMG Hermione is so much like Mrs Weasley! I guess it's true, you always end up marrying your parents.

Oh, ow, ouch, that hint to 'I must not tell lies'. Right in my feels. Of course they wouldn't turn them over to Umbridge, that old hag. Who cares about her stupid pink house anyway, she deserves to have it wrecked! (though they didn't actually wreck anything.) You know what, they should have set it on fire! That evil, soulless- *goes off on an Umbridge rant*

And lol, okay, Hagrid IS too soft, but his IDEA of soft is insane. He'd think he was giving them some small task, when in reality they'll have to battle a Blast-ended Screwt.

Daw, Neville is such a cool dad :)

Ugh, I hate it when people vacuum in the morning, even if I DON'T have a hangover. Why do they do that? Hannah is so evil T_T

Haha, they made the paper! That's awesome, I bet Rita day a field day writing gossip about them. And Hugo's cheek about his parents' hypocrisy, I love it! XD They broke into the bloody Ministry when they were fifteen, and they have the gall to lecture their kids about going into Umbridge's house?! Her being quoted was great too, I totally wanted to read more of that article.

And yay, rockcakes with Hagrid after all! I think Neville is the soft one here. :D

So sorry this is late! Had something come up in real life, but I am still here, I swear!

First off, I love the parallel of this chapter's title to the first chapter. I can only hope that this goes much better than that for poor Colin.

Hehe I'm glad Holly and Tomas hit it off. ;) Makes things easier for Colin and Lily, and they did make a cute pair.

Oops, he got caught by Lily. xD His embarrassment is cute, though. Tomas almost strikes me as the Sirius of his age, which is a comparison that makes it all the more interesting. He seems a bit softer, perhaps, than the actual Sirius, but I still think it's adorable.

Ah, Hannah sounds just like me. Gosh, I couldn't help laughing through that.

I just love the idea of the Hogwarts gossip mill extending to the teachers. xD I mean, it makes perfect sense. Of course they'd talk about their students and then pass on relevant information to their spouses. I feel like that's a scene waiting to be written, about the Hogwarts professors discussing rumors! lol

Ahaha, oh my gosh, Alice's comment almost killed me! She's so adorable and naive. No, dear, I don't think that's what Neville meant, but yes, I do bet that's what they, erm, get on to. ;)

I love that ending! It's so cute. The book and the tie-in with the story title is brilliant. I wonder, though, if that's foreshadowing and the next chapter will indeed involve something about snogging, hrm? :3 As always, I really enjoy this story, especially Colin!

SPaG:
[Lily started at her] - stared
[he was loved birthday] - Got an extra "was" in here

Now don't be like that Colin. I think your parents are some funny people. Hehe, tease the hormonal teenager! Though, he could have tried to find a way to tell Holly they weren't dating or something sooner since she clearly got the wrong impression from that last week of school. Typical school drama. Of course, he could have just not kissed her in the first place, then he wouldn't have to had deal with the backlash now. I guess it's too late, though.

Colin better figure out how to charm a witch properly if he wants to date Lily.

Okay, something strange happened, and somehow I ended up reading chapter five first. Um, yeah, my brain is officially done haha. So I will say that I really enjoyed that chapter! But I’ll backtrack and actually read chapter one like a normal human being.

I really think you captured the essence of the awkward teenage relationship that come and go in this chapter. It’s not always the fairy tale relationship of who you’re going to end up with. I like how you kind of paralleled Holly with Lavender Brown as she was with Ron. Oh, but I love the added bonus of Colin not even realizing how serious Holly was about their relationship! I think you really capture how thick teenaged boys can be haha.

Haha, I love the integration of Muggle culture and how a Pureblooded (wait… was Hannah Pureblooded? Too lazy to look it up…) knows what McDonalds is. That was a really nice touch.

I really liked your characterizations of all the Longbottoms, and I love the idea of Neville growing up to have a large family, since when he was young it was only him and his grandmother. It seems like poetic justice, just like with Harry. Also the mention of how close the family is with the rest of the original book characters (I know from chapter five that they call themselves the Junior DA and I just love that!) is really great. After all they’ve been through, it makes sense that they would form such a tight knit community, even after all these years. And also really like how you kept the awkward, dorky base for Neville’s character, even though he has obviously matured a lot over the years. So noble and concerned with being thought of as a fair professor, that really plays well into his character.

Overall, I really enjoyed this! It’s a very cute start to the story! Really well done!

Glad to have a chance to get back to Colin and his special brand of bumbling love. Lol Hogsmeade should provide plenty of chances for mortification. Nitpick, from the books, I think the Hogsmeade visits were fewer and farther between. Nice touch with all the hype about going to town/dating.

You know, JK never did go into where everyone get's ready in the morning and where they all shower/bathe, besides the prefect's bathroom. Seems a real pain to have to go out of the common rooms to get yourself ready.

Heh way to be a wingman Hugo. Ohhh but still foiled. Colin has no luck. Hahaha oh but Lily is sly. I love it. And the way it ended. Great chapter.

AW I LIKE THE WAY YOU PARALLEL THE CHAPTER TITLE WITH THE FIRST CHAPTER TITLE! It’s a really nice way to kind of sum up the story.

Aw, I really love the way that you talk about Colin floating on cloud nine, even though he and Lily hadn’t really done much. i think it’s this really cute representation of their relationship- I feel like they’re one of those couples that you’d see in a cafe, doing their own thing, reading books or whatever, but still being so intimately connected- you know what I mean? Anyway, I’m going off on a tangent, so back to the story.

HAHA I LOVE HOW COLIN’S CErTAIN THAT LILY’S OLDER BROTHERS WOULD MIND, omg I really actually want to see how James and Al would react!

Haha, the bit where Lily catches Colin dreaming of her- that’s so cute! And I love the way that she snuck into the dorm- brilliant!

The birthday scene was absolutely lovely, and I really love the way that you’ve got Hannah and Neville being all parent-y and totally knowing what happened in Hogsmeade. I love how Alice is so innocent- or rather, appears so innocent (I sincerely doubt she’s actually that innocent, haha).

AW, THE END THAT WAS SO SWEET. And I really like the way that you’ve made the whole thing kind of based on a book by Lavender (SO something she would write) and I love the way that you’ve said “I think you’ll like Chapter Nine’ because it leaves so much PROMISE even though we know that this, chapter eight, is the end BUT AGH IT’S SO BRILLIANTLY DONE.

This was a wonderful story, Cee. Well done.

Hugo and Hermione are like my favourite mother-son pair! It's like the battle of the intellects. I love it! I am convinced that only Hermione could handle a son like Hugo. What?! Ron is enabling Hugo's rebellious behaviour?! Hahaha...this is great.

Crazily over-protective parents, of course. Why wouldn't Ginny jinx the door? Such a Ron-ish thing to do. Did she forget what he was like when she was a teenager...? LOL!

Oh no, all this teenage drama. Goodness me.

What I like is that you set up the conflict in the first chapter, and now you've made it even more complicated by adding in the fact that Holly is Lily's friend. This is likely to make Colin's task even more difficult. I think it's your characters that will really bring this story to life. I'm loving their interactions so far.

I read so much heavy stuff: sad, depressing, dark, intense etc. This is such a lovely change from that. I'm glad I came across it!

Man, you write teenagers so well. I thought this opening chapter sets an interesting premise to this story. I love how you set up Colin's character.

Teenagers and relationships, oh it's a minefield. I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops now that you've introduced that he actually likes Lily. Holly seems like a handful...uff...

His insights about Neville were hilarious to read, because we all know how true they potentially are. It's not that difficult to imagine clumsy Neville putting his robes on inside out, and how that completely contrasts with the Neville who helped defeat Voldemort. Brilliant to include that! It just makes the whole situation so much more normal and real.

I like that you touch on what it is like to have a parent who is a teacher at your school. It is a strange dynamic, and the boundaries are different, and then you've got all the other kids to think about.

Neville's little quip about the jinx - priceless!

I loved the dynamic between Neville and his siblings. Immediately I could tell that they are probably some years younger than him. I can't wait to see more of them of all!

Have I said how much I enjoy the title of this? It’s just plain awesome. As are the chapter titles. So very romantic comedy. This one in particular made me laugh. Ah, such wonderful insight into what this chapter is going to be about. (Lily’s ‘bad’ idea is one I would have never pulled off as a teenager, but then again, I probably wouldn’t have put much effort into it, because I’ve never been much for parties. Very “Walk up in the club like what up I have social anxiety and am really uncomfortable right now, get me out of here.” XD)

Good thing said, check! Now, a couple of minor things right off the bat. I’m not sure why, but something about the sentence “…Colin had never been particularly good at floo travel, despite using it so often” rubs my brain the wrong way. Like I said, I can’t really figure out why – I don’t think it’s an issue of grammar, but I’m not sure if it’s just that it could be worded better or the idea the sentence represents strikes me as weird. This is why I’m calling it minor – I really don’t know why it’s rubbing my brain funny. Darn niggles – shoo!

Other minor thing: the whole paragraph of “Colin had grown up…” strikes me as an info dump. Pulled me out of the story, giving me information that, while it’s certainly nice to know, isn’t really necessary. One, we’re all Harry Potter fans reading this story (unless an oddball drops by) – we know who their parents are and that they’re close. Two, is it really necessary to know where they all live? The distance is eliminated by the fact that they use the Floo Network. Like I said, it’s nice to know – certainly something you could slip into the story elsewhere – but it’s… fluff. The last sentence holds the most baring on the actual story, but do we really need the information HERE, at this time in the story?

Okay, Red-style-rant over (must pick on Red whether she’s reading review or not… can’t resist). :D Back to the fun stuff!

Patented Daydreams, ah, such wonders. Wish I could get one. Use it at work… and get fired, probably, but darn wouldn’t I have a good daydream in the meantime? XD Wonder what Hugo was daydreaming about… bet it was something naughty if he’s blushing!

Down with the stick-in-the-mud Headmaster! There is absolutely no reason Hugo can’t change his hair color to blue if he wants to! BOO! (Why on earth would a wizard/witch be bothered by someone with blue hair anyway? At least at school – I understand professionalism (it’s the only reason my hair isn’t half a dozen different colors right this very second) – but what’s the problem with blue hair among students? It’s not even all that distracting, since there are students who would be able to do it naturally. And really, anyone could if they know the charm – probably don’t even run the risk of your hair falling out! Bet it’s really easy to revert back to natural any time they wanted to as well.)

XD I love the idea of Hermione getting her kids homework planners and making them study over the summer. I never had summer schoolwork – never. Don’t know if that’s just common among American public schools, or if my school was just weird. Anywho… I’m curious about the way you use revision here. Is that some sort of Brit-speak? I can’t think of having ever seen it used this way. The only word I can think of that comes close to the way you’re using revision here is remediation, but the connotative meaning doesn’t quite fit for that one. Review works as well.

Hermione would be a very frustrating mother when it comes to school – I guess even Ron wouldn’t be able to rein her in over that stuff. Though I wonder if she would impose the same high standards on her kids as she did on herself. I’m not sure she would, but I can imagine her stressing out about their OWLs and NEWTs just the same. Just wanting them to do well. I’m not sure she’s the type of person to push them unless they already showed similar interest in school the way she did.
I freaking LOVE the exchange between Ron and Hugo – the line about having Bill check the vaults about killed me.

But AH, Lily isn’t just a crush! She’s one of his best friends. I don’t think that fact – despite the info presented earlier in the chapter – really penetrated until they actually got to Lily’s and she greets them. Not sure why… maybe I’m just slow tonight. Poor Colin though – turned to an awkward dork because he realized that he’s attracted to one of his best friends.

Ginny sounds like she’s turned a bit into Molly – going with the “We are our parents” character development, huh? Not sure I like it – Molly is another one that strikes me as being a frustrating mother, but that’s probably because she’s from a different time and I’m… from ours… XD – but it’s a valid way to write the character anyway.

I like the way you worked in the fact that little bits of underage magic can slip by under the radar – I think that’s part of most people’s headcanons (unless it actually is canon? Did JK write something about that or mention it in an interview?). It’s part of mine, so I like seeing it here.

*rolls eyes* Teenage girls. Man, I think I hate teenage girls more than I hate teenage boys. Witch Code. Blah. You’re all a bunch of idiots, that’s what you are. *wanders off muttering about teenagers and idiocy*

XD But, isn’t Hugo’s line similar to some rule in Barney’s Bro Code? Man, the Bro Code is ridiculous – but SO funny. (Fandom: How I Met Your Mother, since I shouldn’t assume people just automatically know what I’m talking about when I mention Barney and the Bro Code.)

Holly sounds like one of those annoy teenagers – no, scratch that, PEOPLE – that would make me want to scream…

Now that I think about it, there are several “info dump” paragraphs in this chapter, but most of the others don’t break the flow of the story. They aren’t bad.

Oh, good luck, dear Colin. May you not get caught and dragged before the metaphorical firing squad for going along with this bad idea of Lily’s. (Also, may it earn you points and help you be able to fess up your feelings for Lily and ask her out (and have her say yes)!)