This is overall well written, but Yang and Blake's entrance really irks me. It seems wholly unnecessary and detracts from the point. If you want to include them, please make them ACTUALLY aware of the situation. Other than that, I enjoyed reading this story. I would give it an 8/10 rating.

The plot is fine, I had fun while reading it but what needs to be addressed are mistakes. Use spellcheck or at least read it at least 3 time (with some time in between) before posting it. Also it would tremendously help if you managed to get a beta reader - they could help you polish the story.
IMHO it's not good idea to start with "The heiress" when "Weiss" would be better as introduction of character.
Also please be vary of broken sentences and especially nonsensical ones like "She stuttered out of her quaking mouth as she herself in a whole trembled."

But at least this avoids the most new writers do - writing a huge wall of text that serves as huge turn off for readers. Aside few places where IMHO should've been punctuation marks the story has an acceptable flow.

Overall I think it was OK, I enjoyed reading it but with some work it would be better.

Ah so sweet! White Rose is love White Rose is life.