Hmm ... the title almost fits (especially with the last bits), but could probably have been better. I don't have any suggestions, though. Interesting exploration of Minerva loving Tom Riddle (not Voldemort!) and all the conflicts and heartbreaks and regrets that go along with it. I especially like the last line.

Oh wow.
I loved the flashbacks the most.
Correct me if I'm wrong, so the regular text is after the BoH and the italics are her memories of him?
I like how he wants to know about the Chamber of Secrets when she was in her second year, because it's like the Trio's story.
Yes, I want to read more Minny/Tom now :D
Minerva is the Goddess of Wisdom? You learn something new everyday
But I don't like how she feels as it's her fault, he's very cunning.
It's her fault as much a Slughorn's which is to say, not very much.
It's only Tom's fault
Amy

Okay, so I think this is the answer to the third question in the challenge, but even if it isn't, I'm glad to have read this.
I really liked the way it fits the timeline, and the way you show him researching The Chamber Of Secrets.
The part about where she sees the bodies, especially Fred's,really affected me, because his death was one that hit me really hard.
It was great, cheers!

I've never read this pairing before but I think this was amazing. My heart goes out to Minerva who fell for the smooth Tom Riddle all those years before and can't get over him, even though he grew into a monster. She reminds of a little Hermione - eager to learn and to know but that makes her a sort of outcast among her peers. She jumps when someone gives her attention and actually praises her intellect and we all know that Tom knows how to manipulate people and preys on the innocent and naive.
I do wonder what was in that letter he sent to her.
I also love your description of Minerva's feelings as she looks upon those who dies. It can't be easy for someone who has seen all her students in their vulnerable moments (Studying, laughing, crying and getting sorted) now dead and unmoving. The part about Remus and Fred were horrible.
Great job with this.

First time reading this pairing and it exceeded my expectations greatly. The transitions between old and young Minerva are brilliant, she's always been one of my favourite characters and you have definitely done her justice.
Tom/Voldy was also fantastic, I could imagine that perfectly. Your description is, mind the unintelligible garble, asdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjkl perfect. You have such a beautiful way with words that I cannot wait to read your other fics!
I could mention every little thing I loved about this but I'd hateto repeat the entire fic. it saves time and space if I just say HOLY HECK I COULD READ THIS FOREVER

No crying yet. Time to move onto something more...feely(?)

The display picture scares me...-shudders-

WAIT MINNIE AND TOMMY WHAT? I actually think I ship this more than I should...but I simply cannot imagine a twenty-something year old Minnie and now I only see her looking like the ghost woman in the display picture, eesh.

"They're dead and cold, whilst she's cold and alive..." -slow claps-

WHAT THREE WORDS DID HE SEND HER I MUST KNOW

Oh what wait oh OK what hm yes OK yes WHOO oh damn OK what THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS OH

No, but Siriusly, I'm glad you didn't make Minerva love Voldemort because that would have been very upsetting. I liked the retching line for that reason. I'm glad to see that the one she loved was Tom Marvolo Riddle and not Lord Voldemort. Whatever he says, they are barely the same person. Tommy boy is a pretty little thing and Nosey the Noseless is...well, noseless.

The last two bits literally sent shivers down my spine - that is how I identify the exact line[s] in a story that bring forth the 'wow factor' in it.

Bloody brilliant. -snickers-

As always, your way of making an impact never fails to do what it is meant to do and I really liked how you've fragmented the story with alternating parts going in a slow ascent and a quick descent. Very well done. You're quite skilled at writing fragmented story-line fics.

OMG ILY! Write more!:p

Your use of description here is fantastic and I love the way you weave the flashbacks in and out of the story so effortlessly with each going further and further back until the last where she is first meeting Tom on the train to Hogwarts. My favorite line would be the one where you described Tom's voice as honeyed wine. It nearly made me swoon as I envisioned him whispering in Minerva's ear, knowing his intentions were anything but good. And the last "I would have killed you when you first smiled." Was so poignant. Utterly perfect.

-JadedEpiphany

I love how you describe love. At first I thought it odd that Minerva would harp on intelligence so much, but figured her being a professor may be why. I like how you tied in her name’s meaning at the end to tie it all up nicely.

{It's the one thing that grates on her; that she, despite surviving that which had killed dozens – if not hundreds – less than half her age, her turbulent heart does not yet seek rest.} That she does what? If you mean her heart is not at rest then the tenses seem to be off a bit to make that idea connect.

{Many of them had died with children on their own but for all their age,} seems a bit of an odd phrasing. They had died as children? Or are you referencing the adults dying with the kids?

I’m not sure how you feel about this, but for a compelling, and short piece, I almost feel that conjunctions take away from it somehow. But that’s totes just something to ponder.

This was a very compelling story. I’ve definitely never heard of this pairing and you take it from being crack to being plausible. Had to look it up because they are close enough in age. They just barely miss each other in school in canon but I still like this little story.

Good stuff! Keep writing :)

Bloody banana hell I think you just made me ship Voldy and McGonagall...

It's a brilliant concept. How do you come up with these ideas? Because I need to know your secret. I could see this happening. I really could.

There was only one confusing part for me: you not giving us a definitive time or date for each fragment if the story. That might have helped it flow more?

Apart from that... geez do you reckon we can make this into a film? You also taught me something new. That Minnie was named for the Goddess of Wisdom. Which I should have known really.

I like this, it has a similar style to "We're On Our Way To Rio", but it's not exactly the same so it still has it's own unique feel.

This quite believable, I could see Tom making Minerva fall for him for his own gains and this makes me think of "The Right Hand Path" where they were sort of friendly too - though, Minerva was a bit older than Tom in that one...

The last couple parts are my absolute favorite, I like how they meet so ordinarily on their way to school and that upon reflection, Minerva knew there was something wrong with him even then.

The part where she connects her name to what she should have done if she was anything like her namesake is a great line and a perfect way to end this.

Hi Shane!

WAIT WHAT IS THIS PAIRING I DON’T UNDERSTAND BUT YOU CAN MAKE ME LOVE ANYTHING SO I SHALL READ IT.

The description is so beautiful and so painful. The second fragment was crazy and painful and I had tears in my eyes as you described McGonagall’s reaction to the death and destruction.

REMUS AND GEORGE OKAY THAT WAS THE WORST.

The flashbacks are so beautifully done and I really enjoyed the dancing one, when she’s fifteen. It’s kind of crazy to think of what Tom Riddle might have been like as a teenager, but you’ve captured it so well. Also, I love how the flashbacks go in reverse order.

UGH THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS THAT WAS WELL DONE BUT KIND OF OMINOUS AT THE SAME TIME.

Oh my god. The end.

Brilliant.

Just brilliant.

This review is in response to your request for crit.

This story is well-written and has a good theme which is presented nicely – you have taken a lot of care over it. The mood is constant and the fic progresses and conveys your ideas. You have something interesting to tell and that is by far the most important aspect of a good story. It works as it is, so all the rest of my feedback is nit-picking and polishing:

The title does not convey the type of story nor does it relate to the theme. I recommend you consider something like 'The Last Tear Cried' which is more powerful and to the point (Yes, you can change titles in the story properties and it won't break anything.)

Delete the line: A Story Written in Fragments. Instead of telling them, SHOW them that is what it is by strengthening the fragment separators (see below.)

Delete the first separator (*)(*)(*) because it does not fit well right at the start. Consider also making the other time separators more subtle and delicate in keeping with the mood of this story. For instance, * * * or —oOo—

The grammar is fine and I'm pleased you've not used those ugly FLASHBACK headers that some writers use who have probably never read a book in their lives. However, you do need to clarify what is happening early on, especially since even the past is in present tense. I also recommend an additional clue that this is McGonagall because it's a 'known secret' you are sharing with the readers. I think you have to affirm that these flashbacks are what she is dwelling on in the present, that is, they are her memories, so make sure there is no doubt. Therefore...

Begin with at least one sentence in the present not the past so that the context of what follows is vivid and clear. For example, something like:

An elderly lady, grim-faced and clad in the dark robes of a Hogwarts professor, turns from the painful scene before her, drawn by potent recollections of her youth...

***

This is the last tear she will ever cry with his name on it. etc. etc...

Notice how the ellipsis at the end draws the reader onward and the text guides the reader into her mind and her memories. You don't need this with every flashback but two or three will fix your 'fragments' idea in your reader's mind. For example, you might indicate the end of the memory thus:

Her tears fall hot and heavy, and she promises herself to never cry for him again.

***

[The old woman sighs – but there are no regrets.] The Battle of Hogwarts is over, the greatest conflict of etc, etc...

Perhaps one more to lead us into the end of the next flashback:

The Fates are capricious and cruel, she decides, and moves along, not daring to glance upon the corpses of the children at her feet, [yet deep in thought...]

One more, I think, because it's not instantly obvious Remus is a body:

[The shock of the dead jolts her once more from her deliberations. It's Remus.] He's had a hard life but he found happiness...

Okay, those are enough. Now one or two technical errors:

'She's twenty-seven and she knows he isn't the boy she had fallen in love with.'

The close repetition of 'she' is weak but it's hard to avoid it in this story because of keeping the 'secret'. However, change the first to 'woman' and that blends well with the purpose of the sentence to affirm their age:

[The woman is] twenty-seven and she knows he [too] isn't the boy she had fallen in love with.

'She walks passed the bodies' should be 'past' (preposition) not 'passed' (verb) because it means 'walks by' whereas 'to pass' is a verb on its own.

'Some of them were just students, easily mourned[,] yet others[: OR –] they were the children she had never had.'

'Many of them had died with children on their own' means they died at the same time as children when what you intended is, I think: 'Many of those who had died had [OR were old enough to have] children of their own,'

'as ignites' should either be 'then ignites' or 'while igniting' because you have two occurrences of 'as' which rarely works except in special dramatic constructions.

'He doesn't seem like the other children – he seems intelligent and strategic in a way that...' Avoid close repetition of words – that weakens your text. And 'seems' is a weak word in any case, and to be used sparingly. You could change the second occurrence to 'appears' or reword it e.g., 'He doesn't seem like the other children – [there are indications that he is] intelligent and strategic in a way that...'

'blinking furiously to keep the tears in their glands where they belonged' This sounds clinical and ugly and not in keeping with the rest of your style in this piece. I recommend you just use something like 'to hold back the tears'.

'doesn't want to waste her tears' Close repetition of 'tears'. Variety is strength in fiction. You might use 'emotions' instead but here is a special case where you might go the opposite way and emphasise the repetition by preceding it with 'those': 'doesn't want to waste [those] tears'

Don't split 'a grin on his face'. Also then insert 'he' before 'says' at the end for clarity:

'She nods and he extends a hand, a grin on his face – if she could understand manipulation and sadism, she would surely have run at the sight of that grin – and [he] says:'

Hope that helps. :)

This is a really cool story. I like how the flashbacks from Minerva's youth move backwards. The imagery is beautiful and sad. I really enjoyed this.