Hey, excellent start! I'm really curious to see where you want to go with it...

This is really good. You havnt updated in a long time so I'm assuming it's been discontinued, but you should keep going. I love it so far!

Nice intro, but the later chapters you have planned should be longer and should catch the readers attention. I like how you got straight to the point though. Not many writers do that nowadays.

Keep up the good work!