Is need know more ahhh

Please update ! I want to know what happens next :)

nooooooooo pleaseeeee update

This is awesome! Please update again soon!

OH MY GOD PLEASE UPDATE THIS STORY IS FABULOUS.

:-0

Really suspenseful. Liking this fanfic.

Go for the weak, they are the easiest to break and reform. This is what religion does, this is what the diamond authority has done for endless years.

Nice work

Cool

Nuuuuuuu! Cliff hanger!

I noticed you haven't been punctuating your dialogue. You need to add either a comma or a period at the end of a spoken sentence, depending on the situation.

Paridot seems pretty OOC and the chapter was pretty choppy and felt rushed. I'm still following along with the story but it's hard if the characters are behaving similar to how they might in the canon series.

With that said, all these problems are really easily fixed if you just slow down, plan things out ahead of time, and proof read the chapter once you finish it. You'll catch a lot of errors with a simple re-read.

Still a pretty great concept, but still has plent of grammatical errors. On top of that there are tense errors. You are writing in past-tense, but I've noticed in some paragraphs you switch to present-tense. You want to stay in past-tense.

This feels incredibly rushed. I think you should go through it and fix all the grammatical errors. Other than the grammar issues, it's overall a pretty great first chapter and an excellent concept so far.

I love this story already! I can't wait for the next chapter!