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Honestly it's got a pretty good flow so far :D
The caracters act like that should in and show and... Well you get the idea.

Thought when you use first person, it seemed abit wonky... No it's not bad but You should try to find alternatives to using I

.

This might help you alittle but with it.

I know writing in first person is abit hard but it's ok :D
And don't be afraid to experiment with third person too..

I love it! :D