All your hard work paid off. The story is amazing.

What is this even.

Someone attempts to drug her with a "love potion" to force her to love them and her response is just "give me the cure for the guy who accidentally drank it" and to walk off without reporting them because obviously there's no need to actually do anything about Attempted Rapist and Accomplice, or the fact they've invented a drug that could ruin so many other people's lives next?

And Drew is barely any better, being a controlling asshole throughout this.

OMG! This was adorable, loved the new story! :D And that ending, cute! I wished there was a sequel this was so sweet! And yes, May confronted the waiter this time! XD Lol, Drew drooling over May, pttf-hahahaha! XD Nice! Great story and welcome back into fanfiction! :) ANICA OUT LATESSSSSS!

Ah, I'm so happy you're back on here—what a coincidence we're both starting to get out of our writer's block at the same time ;)

I remember reading this when you first posted it and I see so much improvement, it's great. I can't wait to see some of the other fics you whip up!

And as a side note can I just say I kind of forgot how much I love may and drew but after coming on ff again I'm practically squealing every time I read about them (your story included) they're just so cute -heart eye emoji-

Hello!

I have you followed on my email and I can't remember why. But anyway, I do feel in the mood to critique. I'm going to go ahead and start - this will be a read-as-I-go review, and it'll be lengthy. Do take note that I'm well aware that my opinion is not 100% correct, and everything said is here to help you. Let's get started :).

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The synopsis in the beginning is a bit odd. Ultimately, I do feel the idea can capture readers (colorless world, with May the only one he sees in color), but there are a few things that turned me off, too. Take the first sentence: Suddenly, Drew stops arguing and starts blinking at a very fast pace.

"Suddenly" should only be used if you want things slowed down for your readers; by telling us it's sudden, we are taken out of the action. Next, you embellish more: "stops arguing and starts blinking at a very fast pace". The first thing is that "starts" is pretty redundant and one again takes from action; I'd just say "blinks" instead - and "blinking at a very fast pace" is a. much to telling, b. much to long and taking away from the action, and c. not necessary. For the image you're trying to capture, he could blink slowly or only once and it'd have the same effect.

The revised sentence would read: Drew stops arguing and blinks. Having two verbs (arguing and blinking) was very awkward initially, but now that you've taken away the filler added at the back (at a very fast pace), it reads much more smoothly and quicker.

Let's take a look at the rest of it, too: "May, the entire place is colorless," he says, unable to hide his panic. He turns to face me, flushes, and looks away. "What?" I demand. "Except for you," He continues. "I can only see you in full color, against the entire colorless world."

I feel "the entire place is colorless" is an awkward and unrealistic way of saying it. Maybe: "May, I can't see color. Everything is black and white." I'd try to make the panic sentence a bit more of a show, even if it is a abstraction. Something like "the panic in his voice" so we know where the judgment is being made from.

The last bit is grammatically incorrect. "Except for you," he says. "I can only see you in full color." While the last bit about the world is epic, it doesn't fit in dialogue. It doesn't sound natural. Perhaps you could go third person and make it a statement: She was the only one against an entire world devoid of colors.

Personally, I feel it flows better without May's abrupt input ("What?") if only because these introductions on FFN don't have spaces separating them.

Lastly, the "Drew stops arguing and blinks" acts as a dialogue tag, so the next dialogue tag ("he says, unable to hide his panic") stands out like a sore thumb.

The entire thing, revised, could read: Drew stops arguing and blinks. "May, I can't see color. Everything is black and white!" He's unable to hide the panic in his voice. He turns to me, flushes, and looks away. "Except for you. I can only see you in full color." She was the only one against an entire world devoid of colors.

I know it's nitpick-y, but it was the first thing I saw in my email, and it's the first thing other readers will see. I believe the idea behind this story is going to be great (as I said, read as I go), so I'd hate for you to lose readers because of the minor errors in the introduction presented.

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You have lines separating them in parts, so I'll go over sentence things and then review the story and feelings as a reader at the end of each segment.

"Initially, my morning is absolutely flawless." Another nitpick, I know, but "My morning was absolutely flawless" is much more immediate, and the past tense of the "was' is more than a promise enough to me as a reader that things are going to make a U-Turn from there. (And I couldn't help the U-Turn pun, ha-ha!)

"I am sitting lazily in the Pokemon Center's lobby" Lazy is an abstraction. Show me. For example: "I am slumped against a chair in the Pokemon Center's lobby.

"And I apparently train my pokemon." Just put train in italics. The "apparently" seems OOC for me, but once again, nitpicking. _

"although we both know how I really feel" - huh? Unnatural filter through consciousness. Just say, "even though we both know I'm lying".

"Your denseness . . ." AHEM. What? Denseness? How about - "Your stupidity" or "Your ignorance" or "Your obliviousness" - anything but dense, really.

Really nice. I like the pacing of events, and the abruptness of Drew's . . . thing? I'd take my edits for the intro and put them into work here, too. Only keep May's reaction here. It's only needed to be removed for the synopsis, IMHO.

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Nothing much to talk about here. Dialogue flows beautifully. May's reactions are spot on and Drew is so believable here it isn't even funny.

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I like the quick explanation and progression of events. I'm amazed you thought up of this. Clever. Well done!

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"Even though i ordered you not to" should make May pissed, because who the hell is this cabbage man to tell HER what to do. But this isn't the reaction you need, so replace "ordered" to "asked" to put more guilt on her.

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Ending is good except for: what promise? Other than that, nice one-shot. Everything flows smoothly and ends quite nicely. Good job.