Hiya, here from RLT to drop off a review. I LOVE Titanic, so I couldn’t resist checking out your fic.

I really enjoyed this look at Rose’s character and how she explains her bond with Jack. From the beginning he has a profound impact on her soul and you describe in beautiful, intense language that impact and the way it affects Rose’s outlook on life. The opening two lines are really great and make a great transition to lead and draw the reader in.

I also thought it was great that you have Rose be clear about her own faults, admitting she is weak but at the same time finding that hidden well of strength to pull herself back up once more. I really liked that you emphasize what we saw in the movie – that while Jack was the instrument in getting her to break free of her “place” in society, it was Rose herself who had to find her way out of the prison of expectations in order to start herself on the path that would lead her to grow into a strong and independent woman. Best of all is how Rose is able to discover her true inner self thanks to Jack accepting her as she is rather than doing what her mother, Cal, society, the world wanted to do with her, which was to force her into their mold and make her how they wanted.

The ending was a nice little AU twist; I adored how that little exchange of dialogue re-emphasized how their souls had bonded and how they were on the verge of stepping into a new and bright future despite the tragedy they had just survived – it’s kinda too bad it didn’t happen that way but then the movie would have been less powerful without Jack’s death.

Wonderfully written!

Hi! Congrats on having your work named as Story of the Week at The Review Lounge, Too. Fandom blind, but I'll do my best. :)

That is a powerful opening. The first line is an insta-hook, because it makes me wonder what is happening. Turns out that it's in figurative sense. But well, the first paragraph is incredibly amazing in developing the narrator as a tough woman who hides her soft side beneath a mask. Jack's presence softens her.

The depiction of the bond between the narrator and Jack is fantastic. It's a strong bond, as Jack can surpass the narrator's mask and gets into her soft side. The depiction of how the narrator's character grows is also amazing, and it strengthens the bond these two have. The narrator thinks showing her soft side makes her weak, but being with Jack, she slowly changes her view.

The character development is incredible when the narrator's mother tries to rip them apart. The narrator is a strong woman now, and she doesn't think being with Jack - showing her soft side - makes her weak. She starts to be able to repel the demons in her.

The ending is so bittersweet and incredible. The narrator's character development culminates, and Jack's words are exactly what the narrator needs to hear and perfectly depicts her character development. She's a strong woman no matter what. And for that reason, the line [My demons left and they never returned] just closes the story very well.

I think some sentences work better with semicolons (and additional commas to make them easier to read), such as [I may have lived with them for some time(;) they may laugh at my pathetic attempts to succumb(,) but they would not win.] Usually, a reread, especially if read out loud, can solve it. :)

Well done.

[I was naked. Emotionally stripped of every boundary I have ever built…]

The opening sequence – much like the short story throughout – draws me in ever so clearly. I loved how you depicted Rose and Jack first meeting each other, and how Rose felt during it.

You do an amazing job portraying Rose and her inner demons – something in this adaption that I loved endlessly. I can actually see this working out in a way, knowing that Rose, at 17 years of age and not even an adult, has been assigned to marry someone in hopes of helping her and her family out financially. She doesn’t love him in the same way as she does Jack, if she even loved Cal in the first place.

Your writing style is fantastic! In a fic like this, where backstory and description takes the place of dialogue, you nailed those aspects flawlessly.

[He taught me to not care, to live in that very moment, for seconds later it could all be over with.]

This is Jack in a nutshell – at the end of the movie, when we re-live Rose’s live after the Titanic, we see someone living freely, all at the expense of Jack. No longer is she bounded by a forced engagement and fancy living, but rather, she lives in every single moment that comes her way. Kudos for bringing this out in the open.

This adaptation ties in with the movie very clear – so clear, I can see this being a part of the movie with a better ending to boot – both of them surviving the tragic night that the Titanic sank, as they are off to live their lives. Rose, thanks to Jack, leaves her demons in the past and moves forward for the better.

In terms of SPAG, there was one place that had me reading a few times before understanding:

[I was the butterfly trapped inside the Goddamn jar, not him and I needed to release myself and to not be released.]

I’m not sure if it was the wording, or if I couldn’t understand what Rose was saying the first time around. Needless to say, that’s all I had trouble with – again, your style of writing fits with this story, so kudos to you once more.

Overall, this is a fantastic story! Showing off Rose’s thoughts and feelings during her time on the Titanic, meeting Jack and allowing him to overcome her demons, and the two moved on to happier things afterwards – it’s everything I expected out of a Titanic adaptation. For that, I will add to my favorites and recommend for anyone to read, fan of the original movie or not. Once again, you did a beautiful job; kudos and happy writings to you in the near future! :)

Hi there and congratulations on being named the Reviews Lounge, Too Story of the Week for the week of 10/18/2015! Titanic is definitely one of those movies that has a special place in the hearts of those who are interested in her story and who also love a good love story about two star-crossed lovers at the same time. I really love how you took an introspective look at Rose with this piece and showcased her journey from a sheltered and caged girl into an independent woman in control of her own destiny.

I really loved this opening line here: ((I was naked.)) because it is representative of the fact that Rose has to strip away all the layers of herself in order to become the woman she really wants to be. It’s not just about shedding the social mask she’s been forced to wear for most of her life but also in shedding that protective skin she’s wrapped herself in so that she can survive the world she’s been caged in for all her life.

I think this here: ((I had become a woman in just a few short days. A woman capable of speaking her own mind, a modern woman. I no longer was viewed as perfect, I had imperfections, ones which he fully embraced and nurtured to the point where I no longer felt inadequate.)) worked perfectly to showcase how Rose has come full circle. She’s grown into herself and finally managed to learn how to embrace those things that people like Cal and her mother see as wrong about her. She’s shed the cloak of the past, risen above being a piece of clay that they can mold into what they want and is now the woman that she wants. A woman that Jack ultimately accepts and pushes her into being because he can see beneath the mask she’s wearing to the real person she is beneath.

This here: ((I was the butterfly trapped inside the Goddamn jar, not him and I needed to release myself and to not be released.)) is a very powerful line because it signifies that Rose realizes that to be truly free that she has to free herself. She has to liberate herself from the control of her mother and Cal. She has to rescue herself, not be rescued. She can’t be free until she springs the locks and opens the cage for herself. Something that she does when she decides to return to Jack and embrace what it is that he is offering her.

This: ((Nothing could rip us apart, not even the sinking of the Titanic.)) works in tandem with both your piece and the story inside Titanic, itself. We know that Rose returns the Heart at the end of the movie and that when she passes away that she joins Jack and the others on the Titanic as she remembers it. I like that you twist things and showcase how Jack doesn’t perish aboard the Titanic. Now, that could be taken as he survived literally, or that he’s just there beside her in spirit as she enters the new world. It’s open ended enough that a reader can interpret it however they want to interpret it (and I take it spiritually simply because Jack’s death was so heartbreaking, but their reunion so touching).

Just a small pointer:

This line here: ((Those eyes that I fell into with such hesitation but in the end I couldn't stop myself.)) is a bit confusing. May I suggest: (Those eyes that I hesitated to fall into when first we met I tumbled headlong into in the end because I simply couldn’t stop myself)?

In all this was quite a lovely read and did well to accomplish who Rose was and who she became by the time she landed in New York. Good job!

This is an interesting take on how Jack caused changes within Rose, and a good summary of their relationship throughout the movie. You touch on a lot of scenes in a way that they're recognizable without having to go into details. I especially like the contrast of Jack valuing the very flaws that her mother disapproves of. The ending does feel a bit incomplete without Rose clarifying how they both survived the sinking.

Despite its brevity, the writing style of this story made it kinda hard for me to read. It just felt so needlessly wordy. In the "We danced..." section, for example, you've got six "-ly" adverbs all in a row, and it really made those lines feel heavy. "Those eyes..." could be a complete sentence, rather than a fragment, just by removing the "which," and this is the case with several sentence fragments in the story. This is a good story, but I think it could be even better with a sparser writing style.

Wow, this was a beautiful piece! I really loved how you gave us an introspective look at Rose and how she'd been insecure in the beginning. And really, that's very true, since she was very timid, being both under her the thumb of her mother and of Cal.

And then when she'd asked Jack to draw her, he saw her for what she really was...obviously on the outside, but on the inside a well. I think this also really shows how strong of a relationship she and Jack had, because really, one could say she only ran into his arms because her life was less than pleasant. But when you add the insecurity into play, you really portray a different side of Rose I might not have considered before now.

And I really love the whole butterfly in a jar analogy as well, and Jack was the one who was able to bring her release..and in turn free her from her demons. That was an absolutely gorgeous message, really.

I really enjoyed this. Well done! :)

One tiny thing:

and my everything." He whispered-and my everything," he whispered

Yes, I'm lore blind to Titanic, but one will do one's humble best, especially as one is a terrible romance writer.

This piece does a very good job of staying with the narrator, which helps give it a strength in painting a singular emotion and keeping it internally consistent.

I think the image of demons helps hold it together, and the piece does make that continual relationship between the narrator and the demons a form of conflict. But the conflict doesn't detract from the lightness of the piece, and the emotional content is not overly heavy, which in my opinion lets it approach more of a prose poetry feel.

I'm torn on this piece. Demons are a well-traveled trope for someone dealing with troubles. Its hard to make them fresh, but at the same time, it makes the piece very accessible, and it makes it easy for people to connect with it. For people who do not connect so easily, it will be cliche.

Additional spots that increase the accessibility of the emotion but might to be considered cliche are
"Follow my heart"
"Life in his hands"
The idea of being emotionally vulnerable nakedness.
"heart and soul"

But, this is a character perspective. It may be just how the character thinks.

The line, "I would remember these moments, these defining and..." jumped out at me because it seems like there's a whole area I missed - you could consider trying to show some of those moments and all the little details she would remember about them.

Thank you for the opportunity to review.

Hi there! I'm an admin at the Reviews Lounge, Too, a forum dedicated to reviewing quality stories that we've deemed under-reviewed. I've been reading your story, and I am very impressed, and am adding it to our under-reviewed archives!

This story has a very delicious quality that I never seem able to find in this fandom, and that is the fact that you kept it poignant and alive while not getting melodramatic or overly cheesy. It's a hard balance to strike, and I have to say how impressed I am with the overall tone of this story. I think keeping it this short worked very much to your advantage because you give us just a glimpse of the situation, and it's enough to take our breath away, and it's not so long that it loses any of its impact. Beautiful.

It is a subject that virtually everyone who will ever read this story will be able to relate to on some level. I love how it gives Rose a very human personality, rather than how she can come across as very Sue-ish and bitchy in many fictions that I've read. She's someone we can all relate to, and Jack is just that much more of a foil to her, and it just works very well to your advantage.

One little thing, in your last paragraph, you want a comma at the end of the dialogue instead of a period, making the "he" lowercase.

Really well done! I enjoyed this thoroughly.

Cheers, dearie!

What a beautiful story! It deserves more reviews

Very deep. I liked it. You write very well!

The work is romantic and poetic, and the author describes the story in very beautiful images. The scenes are beautiful, and we can readily realize the turning in Rose’s mind from a timid girl to a brave woman, which is very touching. The part that impresses me the most lies in the ending; the response of Jack is so sweet that I feel I am almost melting. The writer uses the words that are not very hard, but he or she can visualize the fantastic scenes brilliantly; as a result, I can learn the descriptive skills and ways about the interesting and vivid portrait.

This was sweet. You described perfectly how Rose saw Jack and how he had taught her to free herself and I loved the end when he told her what he saw in her.

I loved it :) Adored your writing there :)