Awwwww! I loved that! Great depiction of the characters and very good use of words!

KYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAA THIS IS SO ADORABLE And lovely!

Certen nit picks are annoying the living crap out of me

'Thought'
"Talking"
that was sooooooooo freaking annoying! I think they are thinking but you make its so they are talking and that confuses and annoys me to no end
nit pick is over

Certen thinks just seem out of place, it would be ok in other spots but where they are just does'ent make sence

So sweet and romantic! It was a good story.

That was such a beautiful story; nice work!

Love, Spirit

CUTE! xD I LOVE IT!

Very descriptive story. I thought you did well in not specifically naming the actions that were happening which gave the story a less immature vibe. Someone writing a story like this just to satisfy him/herself would most likely name everything as much as possible and as descriptive as possible. The only flaw I could find in this story is the fact that it is is highly un-canon, but a story as good as yours doesn't need to be canon. Please continue writing stories, as I would enjoy reading more of your work.