It's really scattered and was difficult to both read and understand especially since everything was rushed and you just seemed to throw characters in there without explanation. Even though it's long Izlawake has a lot of good pointers

Don't want to be a 'Grammar Nazi' but spelling plz...hah great so far just...spelling

Beta Review:

Okay, this was a real chore to read, mostly because I had to stop every minute or so to note down a mistake somewhere. But I will do my best to point out everything wrong here.

First off, the summary of the fic. You said this was your first crossover. That is a big no-no, as that can turn people off, wondering if you may be inexperienced with this sort of thing. Two, "don't hate." We won't hate so long as the fic is interesting, grabs our attention, or is riddled with constant errors and mistakes, which it is. Three, the warnings are alright, it's good to warn people what could be in the fic if they may be uncomfortable with it. Four, "please read." That screams "read me! even if it's terrible!" And five, there is no description of the story's plot anywhere. I was confused throughout wondering what is going on or what kind of story this is.

Next, you used line breaks in your sentences. Never do that as it just breaks flow. Also, paragraph breaks in between conversation sentences, like I mentioned before. There is little grammar usage, especially with commas. Commas are made for sentences to break them up, and an easy way to know where one would be placed is if there would be a pause in midsentence if you were reading aloud. There are little here.

Also, do not insert characters outside the original sources into your fic. If you're going to do that, list this story as an X-over. And why make the first three chapters a table of contents and character bios? I can understand the bios if one is unfamiliar with some of the characters though, but it feels really out of place and turns readers away when they have to wait longer for something that can be a good read.

There is little hope for this fanfic, that is, if there was any to begin with. My advice to you is that you take this down, redesign it from the ground up, and learn to write properly. I would take a good long time reading various novels and make notes of the writing styles and sentence structures in them to learn from them, as I do that at times, and have learned a few things from it.

SCORE: 1/10, POOR. Messy writing structure, lack of plot description in the summary, confusion with current perspective, and overall snore for myself.

Oh dear, I can see this being quite difficult to beta. Anyway, one thing that is required for writing is using paragraph breaks when converstaion changes between people. An example would be:

"So, did you finish the paper?" John asked his friend.

"Yeah, got it done before midnight too," he answered.

Also, you're supposed to end sentences outside of dialogue with periods. Also, any conversation sentence that ends with "he says, she said, they chuckled, etc" ends with a comma, unless it is said as a question or exclamation.

First problem right off the bat is that it's spelled "Table of Contents."

Two, you capitalize the first letter of each word in a title or chapter title unless it's something such as "a, the, of, and, etc", unless it starts off the title, such as "The Legend of Zelda," or "Of Mice and Men."

Please don't tell me Stoick came along... That would make everything awkward!

Uh-oh... *gulp* I hope things go easy for our little Hic...

Why did Hiccup sneak out? O.o

Very little info about the characters in terms of personality for the first chapter, but I would like to see where you go with this.

Why are there two chapters devoted to very basic character descriptions? In a story, the narration will introduce these characters organically. It's not really a Dramatis Personae, since virtually nothing is actually said about these people aside from a very superficial description of eye/hair color and relationships with other characters who have similarly shallow descriptions. This is the very opposite of Show, Don't Tell. If your prose is descriptive enough, the reader will know everything important there is to know about your characters without having to look at a character chart which is frankly not very informative anyway.

Sometimes you don't see things that are right in front of you... Like me! XD

I have a few suggestions:

Nickels Winter's current age: 56 years (or something)

Samuel Dreams current age: 32 years (:P)

Samuel Dreams sexuality: Straight

Danyell Seasons current age: 46 years (?!)

Astrid Hofferson relatives: Mother {Ingrid}, Father {Jared}, Little Brother {Hackett}

Tomes 'Tuffnut' Tufferson & Rebeca 'Ruffnut' Tufferson relatives: Mother {Kathryn}, Father {Simon}

Tomes 'Tuffnut' Tufferson's sexuality: Bisexual

Fred 'Fishlegs' Ingerman's relatives: Mother {Pamela}, Father {Mark}

Stoick 'The Vast' Haddock's current age: 57 years

Gobber 'The Belch' Stone's current age: 57 years

Gobber 'The Belch' Stone's sexuality: Straight

The Triplets: Hubert, Hamish, Harris

The Suitors: Nick Dingwall, Scott McIntosh, Alex McGuffin

Hope this helps!

*patiently waits for next chapter*