So many versions of Oliver! (It reminds me a story arc from Spider-man TAS where there was six different Spider-men). Actually I read it as some weird hallucination/dream, not necessary as some other realm (although that possibility can't be excluded; everything is possible in the Arrowverse after all). But when we're worried or thinking a lot about something, our mind often makes a projection of sorts. So Dark Arrow is someone who Oliver can turn into, given specyfic circumstances (pushing Isabel away). He represents his fears, his doubts, and also the darker version of himself—hunting criminals, eliminating them even more brutally than the Hood in the past, eventually becoming public enemy number one, put on FBI's most wanted list.

(Btw. I wonder if any of Olivers ended up with Carrie Cutter—but for the sake of Oliver's peace of mind perhaps it's better that none of his counterparts told him about that possibility :p).

Dreamlike realm was also fun to read because I guess this way you've managed to mention every major pairing *achivement unclocked*. And feather cap is of course a reference to classic!Ollie. Yay!

Despite Slade's words the calvary managed to arrive on time. Now onto the final figth.

I liked how you used Barry in this story—fortuntely for him the rescue reached him on time (contary to the case of that unfortunate S.T.A.R. Labs worker in S2). Even without having his powers (yet) he is prepared to deal with weird (a weapon/taser that can take down Slade's men surely comes in handy).

Don't mind having hints of Barrycity lingering in the conversation, as it happens it was a ship I like as well. :p Barry and Felicity really have a lot in common, and would make a good pair. Yes, her concern for Barry's safety was clearly something more than only worry for a friend, and Isabel noticed that.

I was wondering if Malcolm will appear on the scene in this fic. No surprise, he managed to get into the new Arrowcave and cause some troubles. Fortunately Thea didn't fall under his influence. Moira is still around and she knows Oliver's secret what put her in less vulnerable place (she didn't really have too many options what to do in S2 finale). She also cuts short Malcolm's "speech" about his plans for her. It corresponds nicely with the scene in the canon when she also shot him. Merlyn might be Thea's biological father, but Robert was the man who raised her. And Queens were not bad parents.

Meanwhile the fight in the prison gets tough. Liked that the new trick arrows come from S.T.A.R. Labs—it's very plausible explanation. However, there is no trick arrow that can stop Slade. Sara and Roy are down, and Oliver is simply not able to defeat the Deathstroke alone when he is on Mirakuru.

Now, that was surprise ending. Oliver being greeted by Oliver. And surrounded by many other Arrows. The strangest dreams of all. Or maybe a travel into another dimension?... Who knows. ;)

I liked the scene with the archery lesson—for obvious reasons. Isabel shouldn't worry that much about not hitting the target immediately. It's not the most important part at the beginning. ;) Also the "teaching" postion behind a new trainee is quite natural to help with getting the archery stance right (Dig, Roy and Sara can roll their eyes as much as they want ;) ). For example originally everyone is afraid to keep the string too close to their own face (hence they keep a hand too low, on chest level, instead pulling it at the corner of one's mouth, or under the chin). Another good thing (for the story including romance especially) is that it indeed is quite intimate (I'm surprised that they used it only once in the show, in the episode with Huntress). Small wonder that it makes Isabel think about the lovely moments they've shared in the morning. Apart from that, shooting a bow has also calming effect.

Uh, it must have been awkward for Felicity to discuss with Oliver such matters—I guess she didn't want to know in details what happened between Isabel and him earlier that day. ;) The concern about he side-effects of remainder of Mirakuru in the system was a vaild one though.

I liked the change with Barry waking up from the coma earlier and his eventual apperance in the story. Also at that point I started to wonder if you're going to pair him and Felicity (I liked them together).

The sparring match showed that taking down Slade and his soldiers will be a very hard task, next to impossible without the cure. However, fortunately Team Arrow is not left without help from S.T.A.R. Labs.

Pleased to say that I've finished reading "The Sins of the Father, The Deeds of the Son". :) But I'll go with reviewing chapter by chapter.

A quiter moment before the confrontation with Slade—it's indeed a calm before the storm. A certain sense of... security allows Isabel to make a move (in some regards she reminds me Carrie Cutter—she is a very active side here ;) but of course here this relationship is mutual). It's very unusual for characters in any story to care about protection—somehow the risk of unwanted pregnancy is never a problem. Your story stands out here postively.

Before reading this fic I would never thought that Oliver and Isabel can find mutual connection over past (bad) experiences. They also clearly move into mutual trust area. Isabel here has much more layers than in the show (since she appeared only in a handful of episodes and was a villainess, she was not too well developed).

The scene with Roy showing embarrasement after the destruction of poor dummy was funny.

Uh, I can only imagine how nervous was Felicity when Isabel wanted to talked with her one on one. :p Good to see characters acting mature about the whole situation. No one can control their feelings. I like this Felicity more than the version from S3/S4, she is in line with S1/S2 version (S3/S4 would probably look askance at Isabel all the time and wouldn't want to accept her in the team).

"Stay away from my man."—Lol. It speaks volumes (okay, Isabel is really as possesive toward Oliver as you-know-who ;) ).

As far as first impressions go, the story captured my attention enough to read the second chapter. The large paragraphs and huge blocks of text make it tiring to read though.

Indeed this chapter and the following one have slower pace - I'll assume that it's calm before the storm. ;)

The element I enjoy the most is that Moira is still well and alive. It was kind of unexpected to see her have another honest talk with Isabel and both of them coming more or less to terms. There is a reason for that though - after all Isabled had saved the day. The story of Moira trying to somehow make up for her part in the Undertaking and apologize to the families of the victims is interesting. Definietely it's different Moira than Psycho Moira I've seen in some fics here and there (not a fan of this type of portrayal). Assuming that her and Oliver are very smiliar to each other I can see that she would took on her shoulders the weight of the responsibility.

I liked that Oliver's archery skills slipped down due to the fact that he has a lot to worry about. Actually one of the best parts about shooting a bow is that it's very relaxing activity. So when you think too much you're losing your edge. It seems that Oliver needed that blessing of his mother to get back together with Isabel. It would be really awful if he had to choose between her and his family. Also in Moira's case - saving the life of her children does miracles and indeed she can't still hate Isabel, even though she doesn't like her.

In the end you've offered quite peaceful moment between Oliver and Isabel. Yeah, definietely it's a calm before the storm. ;)

One more thing - since both Isabel and Roy are affected by Mirakuru I wonder if it's not going to cause some problems later on.

Isabel made a return faster than I expected. Obviously, she couldn't die for real, as there would be no story to tell. ;) I liked that in this version both Moira and Thea survived, as Isabel had a very good timing here.

I've got some doubts about the scene with the video message(s) though - while it's tv show thing to do, meaning characters leaving an information that way, and in the result fan fiction to a tv show may incorporte it, but somehow it didn't click with me. Maybe if it was only directed to Oliver... but it includes also separate words for people she had barely know, and since for me Isabel seems to be an introvert, I feel it was too "open" for her, even if she assumed that she'll die shortly after. But then again you needed Felicity to learn about Isabel's plan and inform the team about it.

I liked the introduction of new Lair/hideout. Oliver said at least once that he had a few, so it's logical that when the Foundry was compromised, all team and also his family moved into a safe one. It's especially interesting to have Moira in the fold, and I'm looking forward to read her another conversation with Isabel.

One more thing - the vision of the Hood serving as a vengeful spirit was an interesting touch - indicating that Isabel is still not exactly right after being on Mirakuru drug. A "ghost" confronted with real Oliver, telling her to not kill in that moment, showed that she is torn in two. It seems that both Slade and Isabel feel betrayed (Slade is, obviously, crazy, due to the drug, but he viewed Isabel as his student/accomplice, and in the result think that Oliver "stole" her from him - another reason to hate him). Glad that you didn't eliminate Slade at this point - he still needs to serve as a major threat. It was fun to read this having in mind how the events unfolded in "Unfinished Business" (however, this one was obviously written much earlier).

What a cliffhanger! Haven't seen it coming. Now I'm wondering how you're going to bring Isabel back (haven't read the next chapter yet - I wonder if the fact that she was on Mirakuru drug will save her here). Taking down Slade couldn't be too easy - after all this guy is not stupid, and realized that his (former) ally was plotting against him. Unfortunately Isabel didn't cover her tracks as well as she had thought and what's worse went to Slade's hideout alone (I guess Oliver being on her place would do exactly the same - it's just that hero/heroine way of doing things ;) also there would be no story without that ).

It was high time to address the exact nature of Isabel's and Robert's relationship. It is a bit awkward and no surprise that Oliver feels uneasy about it (then again, he is the last person to critize someone about "complicated" relationships due to his fixation on Lance sisters!). I understand why you did choose to present Isabel's and Robert's romance as something more superficial than true love. At one side I feel it's playing it "safe" - to say that she didn't truly love him. At other it makes sense within the contex of the story - Isabel was young when she had meet Robert, so it was easy to mistake the attention he had given her as love, and treat the older man as someone between a boyfriend and a surrogate father (after all there was a considerable age difference between them, and Isabel lost her family when she was adolescent, so ther was a gap to fill in). Also, it removes the risk of having Isabel projecting her feelings to Robert on Oliver. Although since one arrow doesn't fall far from another Oliver and his father share some traits that Isabel probably finds/found attractive in both in them. Overall, it's complicated. ;)

Still, Oliver pushing her away at this point does sound like a bit like hipocrite (no surprise - not many good things can be said about how Oliver treats women in canon - at least here he realizes that).

I liked that Felicity serves here as mediator - it's suits to her original character portrayal (in S1/S2), before she was screwed up by organic writing. As I've wrote before - it's not easy to find Felicity written as a normal person in fics, so seeing her portrayed like that in your story is appreciated.

Now, that was one a very long chapter! ;) Or rather half of it, as there is a second part I see.

I liked honest conversation between Moira and Oliver. I've always though that he and his family had a very interesting dynamics and a strong bond, and you had shown it here. Moira, who is so used to keep her secrets, that she feels that it's almost unnatural for her to go open with both of her children, is very in character. I've chuckled (maybe I shouldn't) at Ollie's reaction about the revelations about Robert's and Isabel's affair. At least he is not hipocryte here and doesn't jump to a conclusion that's a betrayal on her side. Still, he has every right to wonder about the nature of her feelings for him. Was she perhaps trying to discover some traits of the father in the son? That would be disturbing.

Liked also the fact that Ollie tells his sister and his mother about the Arrow (always thought that Moira just figured it out after the Undertaking and connected Oliver's words and the Hood's actions to get the full picture, but discovering the secret room/second base of operation in QC is an interesting idea).

Wow, Ollie was actually paying attention on what is happening on the board meeting. ;) That's something new (he was not cut out for this job, definietely).

I still like how you write Felicity - she's exactly like she was in S1/early S2 and it's my favorite portrayal (before organic writing era).

Noticed minor issues I've mentioned in eariler comments (some sentences being simply too long for example) but generally this chapter had good flow. It wouldn't hurt to have some more dialogues in the part where Ollie tells Thea and Moira about the Arrow, but I've guess you didn't want to make the chapter longer than it already was.

-The intro is mixed. On the one hand, I can imagine Ollie carrying out the interrogation (as in, easy to visualize). On the other hand, it does have a run-on sentence feel, in that the interogatee’s (yes, I know that’s not a word) lines are strung out all throughout the one paragraph.

-“I still think that my Midnight Sentry name was better!”.

You can cut out the full stop after the speech marks.

-“And by the way, there were only 10 of them, not 36…”

Three-digit rule when it comes to dialogue.

-“The masked woman pulled her one of her two swords out its hilt…”

Should be “The masked woman pulled out one of her two swords from its hilt.”

-“Where. The. Hell. Is. Malcolm. Merlyn!”

Should end with a question mark.

-I’ll comment on the first two sections as a whole since they’re really just the same section only separated by a line break and a five minutes later designator. So, on one hand, there are the issues I mentioned above. On the other, you do at least manage to capture the feel of how Ollie usually handles interrogations, and Isabel complements the technique well enough here.

-The third section is…well, meh. It’s Ollie reflecting and doing little else. And, fine, the reflections do have a place, but the story, both in terms of flow and actual narrative, has to come grinding to a halt to accomadate it.

-Fourth section is similar. For instance, I like the reaction to Isabel and Ollie being an item. On the other hand, it’s an info-dump. A very large info-dump that summarizes not only the corporate reaction, but Ollie telling Isabel he has a son, that he’s trying to get custody, etc. Not the first time I’ve said it, but as the saying goes, “show, don’t tell.” Does get a bit better towards the end as the dialogue kicks in, even if it’s dialogue that primarily exists to set up a sequel.

-So, that’s the epilogue. An epilogue that honestly reads more like a standard chapter, and is less closing this story out, and more setting up material for the next story, but fine. It’s okay. It’s average. It’s readable. It ends the story.

Which brings me to the point where I have to comment on the story as a whole. Or not. Because what I said about the epilogue can more or less be applied to the story as a whole, and most of the chapters. But, regardless, I’ll try to sum it up. On a scale of 1-5, as far as rankings go, the story is, without a doubt, a 3. Or 2.5 if I’m using decimals, but either way, it’s smack dab in the centre. It starts at one level of quality of writing, and more or less sticks to that level. Because without a doubt, the biggest problem in this story is its tendency to excessively summarize events rather than outright depicting them. It makes it harder to get emotionally invested, and it makes it harder to read. Some stories are able to pull this off, but if there’s just a stream of narrative, it’s hard for most readers to stay invested. There’s also the repeated use of terms like “the brunette” and whatnot, but those are but pinpricks in regards to the greater issue.

Which is a shame, because I could see this story being “good.” There’s potential here, somewhere, that I feel could be brought out if the writing was tightened up just a bit. To ‘cut away the fat,’ to borrow a term from some other writers I know. At the least, the story was at a level good enough to keep me coming back, so there is that. Am I being harsh? Well, maybe. It’s certainly easier to criticize than to praise. But basically, the story has solid foundations, it just needs a more intricate paint job. But if there’s one thing I can say to take away from this (and what you do or don’t based on these reviews is entirely up to you”), it’s “less is more.” Or, specifically, try to convey as much depth as possible using as few words as possible. Sometimes, this rule can be thrown out the window, but not so much in this case.

Course that might be moot. Because of my review repayments system, ‘A Holiday Fit for a Queen’ is on my review list. I’ll at least give that a look. But, to end on a positive note, you did manage to complete a multi-chaptered story, and the story was at a level that I was able to read from start to finish. A lot of stories on this site fall short in that regard.

-First section is okay. It’s got a mix of summarization and terms like “the brunette” but gets a bit better towards the end.

-Second section is a bit better – dialogue feels a bit more natural, if not completely natural (doesn’t help that they’re both afraid of conjunctions apparently).

-Third section is okay. I’m kind of getting flashbacks to the end of season 3 – not ideal territory for me, but that’s hardly your fault.

-So, yeah. Chapter is fine, it’s okay, it’s average…I know this isn’t as in-depth as I’ve done in the past, but I feel that a lot of what I could say would be a repeat of past reviews. But there’s still the epilogue, in which case I’m kind of obliged to cap things off.

-Okay, I know that Ollie and Isabel are a pairing in this story, but a TEN SECOND kiss? Um…okay…

-“Because the Arrow had witnessed Slade Wilson's mental deterioration at the hands of the Mirakuru, and the hooded hero knew all too well that killing made it worse, as his old friend had seemed to become more and more ferocious and feral with each person he had killed after Oliver had injected him with the Mirakuru.”

Using “mirakuru” twice there – maybe replace the second one with “the drug” or something.

-There isn’t too much to comment on in particular with the first section, at least as far as individual lines go. Okay, “the brunette” is used a few times, but I think we’re well past that being discussion-worthy. What IS discussion worthy however, is the piece as a whole.

“Decent” is the word that comes to mind, and it does so on two levels. On one hand, it does avoid excessive summarization that’s plagued some previous chapters. Everything that’s depicted/described is happening in the here and now. Which is fitting, in that it’s a fight scene. So, by the standards of past chapters, it’s an improvement. However, by the standards of a fight scene, it’s still a bit too ‘wordy.’ I struggle with this a lot myself, but in writing, action scenes usually work best when conveyed through short, sharp sentences. Here, we have stuff like ten second kisses and, well, stuff like:

“The next few seconds went by in a blur, and it was Oliver's reflexes, not his intellect, which were too slow to keep up with events during that time, and would only be able to make sense of what happened after the fact, that allowed the man in the green hood to respond as quickly as he did. What actually happened was this: Slade, who had managed to trick Oliver and Isabel to look at his face, or away from his person entirely, respectfully, had been using two blades he had installed inside his gloves right over his palms to stealthily cut through a section of the net that had bond him for the past couple of minutes. After the villain had finally managed to tear a big enough hole in the net, and finished delivering his threat against Oliver and his loved ones, Deathstroke had charged at Oliver and Isabel, who had been standing right next to each other and equal distance away from Slade, with both of the retractable blades in his gloves now fully extended.”

That’s a lot of time being spent on what are very quick movements on Slade’s part. As far as the writing in of itself goes, it’s fine. But the wordiness of the writing undercuts the speed of the movement involved. I won’t do a rewrite, because like I said, I struggle with action scenes a lot as well, but as a reader, it’s far easier to pick up on these things.

-The second “decent” aspect is Slade itself. This is kind of an unfair critique, but I’ll say this – you capture the ‘essence’ of his dialogue, but not its sharpness. For instance, reading Slade’s lines, I can hear him say them (course it helps that Manu Bennett has a very distinctive voice), but it doesn’t quite match the quality of the dialogue in the show. Like I said, unfair – I’m hardly counting on a fanfic to match the quality of published work), so take this as a net positive. It’s good enough to invoke the feeling of Slade, but not quite on show-level quality. But like I said, very little would on this site, and I’m not claiming to be the exception to the rule. What isn’t as satisfying is his manner of death though – it plays second fiddle to Isabel being subdued. Which is fine, I guess, this isn’t an adaptation of season 2 per se, but, well, there you go.

-“5 years ago…”

Should be “five” (per the ‘digits in dialogue’ rule)

-“…and to fall in love with him to boot!”

Doesn’t need an exclamation mark.

-Above comments aside, the second section is decent. Yeah, my dislike for the pairing doesn’t help me, but looking it as objectively as I can, it’s…fine, I guess. Dialogue is fine, characters are fine, pacing is fine, etc.

-Third section is easily the weakest so far, as a lot of it is passive narration. The dialogue at the end is a bit better though.

-Fourth section, like the use of the “bams” intersected with the dialogue. It’s well done. What’s less well done is all the shouting and the use of exclamation marks. This may sound really pedantic, but…well, I’ll put it this way. In writing, “said” is considered an ‘invisible word,’ as in, it’s the least obtrusive dialogue designation there is. Thus, when you say, “x shouted” or “x screamed” or “x groaned,” the use of ‘non-invisible’ words carries weight, as long as “said” remains predominant. Exclamation marks are the equivalent of these words when related to full stops. Their very shape catches the eye, and they’re meant to, because shouting is meant to generate more attention than simple speech. Use them too much however, and they lose meaning. So when you have stuff like:

“I won't let him hurt you again, Oliver, I promise! No matter what, I will not let that bastard try to kill you again!"

We’re having two exclamation marks in a row, and there’s really no reason for Isabel to be shouting. If anything, that she’s shouting undercuts her promise, because it implies it’s being made in a non-rational manner.

Arguably nitpicking, but that’s what creative writing courses do to you. ;)

-“Everyone on my team has a reason to gun for Malcolm Merlyn.”

Which they promptly abandon in season 3. :(

-Ending to the last section is good as far as character interaction goes.

-Concerning your author’s note, you’re making a bold statement in regards to saying that “my take on Oliver is better than show Oliver.” Leave that to the readers. That said, I do agree that I feel that Oliver is better when being a pragmatist in regards to killing than his season 3 level. Not that he needs to go back to his more psychopathic tendencies in season 1, but he isn’t Batman, no matter how much the CW might have wanted to use his character. His willingness to kill, IMO, gave him an edge that a lot of the other Arrowverse protatonigsts lack.

-Anyway, chapter as a whole is, in a word, decent. Certainly better than a lot of the previous ones, mainly because there’s far less summarization, and far more focus on dialogue. This isn’t the first time I’ve said this though – the quality of the story as a whole has gone up and down on a by-chapter basis. But, as far as said overall story goes, I’ll wait until the end for that. Which, by the looks of things, is coming up soon.

-“Oliver Prime.” Huh. Why am I suddenly thinking of Optimus Prime? 0_0

Also, it’s really clumsy. I can maybe…MAYBE…buy Oliver thinking of himself as “Oliver Prime” at some point down the line, but it comes off as lazy writing here, a quick way to distinguish Oliver from the alternate versions. It’s a quick decision on his part as well – far too quick.

-On a subjective note, the entire sequence feels out of place. Now, I know that at this time of writing, the Arrowverse has basically gone into full comics mode, with alternate realities, time travel, etc. This being an alternate season 2 however, it does feel out of sync with the timeframe. There is my personal gripe with the Arrowverse, how I enjoyed the first two seasons of Arrow for their more grounded take on things, after which The Flash signalled a shift across the board, but that’s just me.

What’s less subjective, is that the entire sequence feels unneeded. Oliver needs a pep talk from alternate versions of himself to reaffirm his attachment to Isabel. If anything, it cheapens his character development, because it isn’t something he realizes himself, it’s something he realizes from alternate versions. It’s basically DEM – “you must love Isabel because the multiverse says so.”

-The last section is a bit better, because it at least ramps up towards a climax, and feels more in sync with the story.

So, first section has the whole info-dump/”brunette”/”hazel-eyed” problem going for it, won’t dwell on that further. Second section has the “IT girl” thing as well.

-Second section is a bit better with Malcolm turning up. What isn’t done as well is his supposed death, then the fake-out. You do capture his style of dialogue reasonably well, but it doesn’t quite convey the full “oomph” of the moment. I’m wary of doing outright rewrites in reviews, but for instance, the following:

“And we can be the family you deserve to have and there will be no lies between us. And you will be my daughter, and I will be your fath…"
But Thea Queen never let Malcolm finish his sentence while he took another step towards his biological daughter, as the youngest Queen pulled the trigger on the handgun she had bought shortly after Oliver had told her he was the Arrow and that she might be in danger. The muzzle flashed. A small fraction of a second later, there was a loud BANG! And then Malcom Merlyn dropped to the floor of the Lair, apparently dead.

The dialogue is fine, but the point of “But Thea Queen” to “apparently dead” is a lot of fluff. She’s presumably pulling out the gun quickly, firing quickly, and bullets move quickly. So, how would I write it? Just-

“Thea shot him.”

Short, sharp, to the point. “Less is more,” as the saying goes. Now, after shooting him, you can describe how she got the gun, and convey the emotion, but it’s a lot of words used to describe a quick action that undercuts the impact of said action. At the least, we don’t need a description of a muzzle flash for instance.

-So, will admit, kind of stymied by the length between reviewing chapters. Story’s gone up and down in quality throughout them. This is more or less in the middleground. But, good things and bad things, so, um, yeah.

-Like the mirakuru effects described at the start (from a narrative sense…don’t get ideas ;p)

-Anyway, moving on, the first section does fall a bit into “brunette territory” (won’t harp on it) and some info-dumpiness, but the latter isn’t as bad as some previous instances.

-Second section is okay. Bit better than the first since it’s dialogue driving the story forward.

-“…a little over 6 years ago.”

Should be “six.”

-Third section is okay as well. I will say that Thea does seem a bit subdued though – I can’t put a number on how many times Thea’s flipped out over revelations/plot developments in the series, the one exception that I can recall being when she discovers that her brother is the Arrow.

-“Half an hour later, a clearly agitated Oliver Queen and Isabel Rochev stepped back into the training room after the two of them had a rather heated discussion about the Mirakuru in Isabel's system. During that conversation, Oliver had confronted her with his knowledge of the Mirakuru in her system,”

Repeated “in (her) system” twice.

-“…is on its way to Starling city…”

“City” should be capitalized.

-Anyway, this chapter is…okay. It doesn’t have any major flaws, but doesn’t really jump out at me much either.