This fic in a nutshell:
98% RWBY: Episodes in Word Form
2% Madoka Magica: Kyubey, Two character cameos, one Witch fight, a question about magical girls, and a history lecture that involved magical girls...none of which have changed the story in anyway.

I really had my hopes up. ):

["Sleep well," Yang asked] Needs a question mark.

Last chapter felt too one-sided, but I didn't know exactly what I thought was wrong. Essentially, Ruby forced Weiss to try to not hate her teammates, which is certainly a good development, but there was almost nothing in return. The breakfast bit here reminded me that Weiss deserves for the sisters to try to act like less of animals... Hating people is bad and should be fixed, but being a disorganized impulsive slob is also bad and should be fixed.

The way the story is going is unsettling. Everyone is being much more hateful than in canon.

[It definitely seemed like a busy job to have, so no contact was understandable.] Should be "so a lack of contact was understandable". Otherwise it can be taken as "so it is not understandable to have any amount of contact".

[The airship came in for a landing, struts extending to settle them on the ground before the ramp dropped down. Once it had entirely made it to the ground the current occupants would exit out to the paved ground waiting for them. Team CFVY would depart on their own business while RWBY would gather now that they were here.] Wrong conjugation... Everything has been past tense so far, but then you switched to conditional. There is no cause-and-effect relationship for most of that, and it isn't a hypothetical situation. It's narrating what is currently happening.

[Blake was, as usual, reading, with those books she finished added to the small pile she had.] I don't get this sentence. Does she have a stack of books from a library, and she's making a pile of ones she's finished? Or is it her personal stash of books, and she's making... some sort of stack for the heck of it instead of putting them on the shelf? Or is it the metaphorical pile of things she's ever read?

["This is Beacon Academy, one of the foremost combat schools on Remnant. If she wants to joke around and party, there are plenty of other places more suited to it than this."] I agree, but I think the mentality goes something like "let's see how tight of rules and expectations I can manage to get around". I think it's a horrible thought process, but it exists, and Yang sure seems to use it.

Not much input to give for this chapter.

[and that could only mean one thing; they would have to fight today.] Should be a colon (:).
[She couldn't keep from voicing her anticipation as she shifting around on her feet.] Shifted.

["First will be Pyrrha Nikos and Jaune Arc."] Lol. Popcorn time. It'll either be how it should, or Pyrrha will go soft. Either way is plenty interesting. -Yep, both, but still Ye Olde Slaughterfest. Good stuff.

Shotgun tonfa! Well... It should be more like pistol tonfa. I've experienced people pretending that tonfa were pistols. Reasonable to have those two go together in a RWBY environment.

Nora's prep talk was quite appropriate. Zero brain matter.

["Well, this is pretty fun," Yang noted from her seat in the bleacher. "Definitely a lot more fun than your fight." She glanced over at Jaune] Thank you Captain Ruthlessly Obvious for that nice uplifting comment. Mr. Arc gives you his greatest thanks.

Yeah, basically unless the opponent makes zero mistakes, Yang can't lose to an equal...

I was hoping Weiss wouldn't use Dust for sparring. It seems like a waste; isn't it expensive? It IS a significant aspect of Weiss's fighting style, though, so I don't know how things could possibly work out without her using Dust.

["Fine, be that way," Ruby grumbled to herself as she followed back up to her seat.] I'm not sure that Ruby would be that mopey. She doesn't give up when it comes to trying to be friends.

Disappointing. I like the idea of Oobleck drinking water rather than coffee and just having some extreme ADHD-like personality quirk.

Woah, so you think the Schnee Dust Company goes back that far, to near Dust's discovery? I always thought of it more like the beginning of the Bronze Age. Just people figuring out that those rocks are better.

[And there was a lot of ideas on it.] Were.

The conversation at the weapon lockers did not seem forced. Often, people bumping into each other is much too coincidental. This is fine.

I agree that it's reasonable for Weiss to join a "we run the place" group, but I don't think it's necessary. It doesn't sound too significant.

No big comments about the previous chapter.

I don't think [Classes had entered session] is proper. It makes some amount of sense, but I think "in session" is a phrase that isn't meant to be split, and doesn't literally mean IN a session. "Classes were in session" or "Classes were now in session" is the same meaning, but those versions are actually used.

I think Weiss canonically got her way with that whistle. It's never seen again. :)

While talk of Witches is important exposition right now, I think that should not have been one of the first topics in that class. A combined lecture briefly outlining all types of Grimm, including Witches, would make sense, but this one seemed to be completely devoted to Witches when apparently they're going over Grimm in their next session. If he's already given a lecture on Grimm, it would've been nice for him to have some sort of transitional sentence.

Eww. Partner activities. The partners don't make sense to me; they have entire teams, so why sub-teams? Beyond that, RW is a stupid partnership that basically seems like it was introduced to settle their initial conflict at the beginning of the season; after the first few episodes, there's not really any animosity or any companionship. Meaningless. BY is even more meaningless. Blake is quiet and spends time reading, but cooperative and not very tease-able, and Yang likes to get in arguments (light-hearted or serious/combative) and have active "fun" (like, not reading). There's no enmity, but they don't have any reason to be anything significant to each other, either, other than the partnership.

... What? Make eye contact for a long time and hold hands? Is this a speed dating class? That's a terrible idea. Why not ice-breaker activities or something like that? The eye thing certainly could mean something, but it hardly seems like a *starting* point. It must be especially weird for opposite-gender pairs like JNPR. -Okay, good, more reasonable things afterward. Still, the eye thing probably would be more useful after the rest of it.

Everyone reacted exactly as expected to the falls. Yang was completely carefree and playful, Blake was a bit cautious, Ruby expected to be hated and dropped, and Weiss had no optimism. [the switching offered time for them to get their strength back in between.] seems unnecessary to me. It SHOULD be a technique thing, with footing and body angle, not a strength thing. All you have to do is be a glorified no-slip leaning post.

[though the blond still didn't know that much about her partner's backstory to confirm it.] We call it "backstory" in fictional literature, and "past", "history", or "experiences", or just knowing the person, in real life. Unless it's an avid reader, they probably wouldn't consider PEOPLE to have backstories. OOC thought; they don't know the fourth wall is there.

The essay assignment about your partner definitely seems like the most productive thing Glynda wants them to do. If the entire conversations and/or papers aren't written out in the next chapter, I will be disappointed, unless there's more stuff that happens in there.

Noraaaaaa you have no brain matter. :(

I liked that you started the fight with everyone doing their own thing, not working together at all. They shouldn't; they're noobs. Even when they do "work together", they each do their own thing as much as possible. Weiss only comes back to the Witch when requested, Blake jumps after it which just so happened to be easier because it was falling, and Yang gets to punch it. They do what they want, but it somehow works out synergistically for them. I think that's how it should be at the beginning, until they really learn to plan combos with each other.

All every bear straight punch... Or, all ONLY Hydra-Snake-Bird upward punch.
And we be double... triple... eh, multiple jumping.
And... Golfing with HAMMER TIME, explosives, and javelins.

Well, you sure know how to make a fight scene epic, yet analytical, and allow everyone to have their own significant part. The only thing not-epic was that the witch wasn't the size of a planet and there was only a small strike force rather than a several-thousand-people (or Grimm) army. I didn't want those aspects, anyway.

Aww. After you said that the entry test was different every year, I was hoping it would be a different task from RWBY canon.

["Camera network is online, we have full coverage of the Emerald Forest," she announced] The first comma should be a semicolon. This was probably a good thing to say. It's stupid how many people were confused about that situation even though it's obvious that there are magical or mechanical cameras everywhere.

That's interesting that Kyubey is helping Ruby cheat. Never expected that, but it should be possible. - Aww, I wish it actually worked. The "partners" are rather arbitrary and useless. Teams are the only things that matter.

[New students tend to find themselves in life threatening situations, which provides an opportunity for concluding contracts with higher potential.] Indeed. Devious little Kyubey. He'd love real war zones.

The bird ride was unnecessary and not reasonable enough, so it's good to see that it's not here.

Last section: Okay. Good. Makes sense for most Grimm to be equivalent to familiars since they ARE rather weak, and for witches to be some sort of super-Grimm.

I was wondering whether the PMMM cast would be included. It would be enough to just have the magic stuff involved, but adding the characters supplies some extra width to interactions. Who's the one with a brown cloak? Homura or Madoka, or someone else? I'd assume they're older than in PMMM; otherwise, they probably wouldn't be UPPER classmen at Beacon when the entry age is 17ish. - The thing about Templars and a different school makes this even more confusing.

I really liked Kyoko trash-talking the new recruits. While Yang isn't the kindest person as far as words go, she usually just teases. Kyoko has that meaner edge. I'm not sure what to expect between those two: They could be a verbal assault wonder duo, or they could end up not liking each other. ["I just hadn't realized how awesome I was yet, s'all."] Yep.

["He seemed kinda...off," Yang commented form where she stood. "Almost like he wasn't there."] "Form" should be "from". Also, Ozpin was the first of three speakers, so "he" is a little misplaced. It's not ambiguous, sure, but it should almost be a forgotten subject. "That headmaster seemed kinda...off" might be better.

Is everyone offered a contract from Kyubey?

Seems like Weiss is contracted, and she said there's a different school for them... so why would Weiss and the ones on stage be here?

[she held out a sealed box of Pocky Sticks instead. "Here," she told the distracted girl. "Hold onto this for me. I'll be back to get it when you graduate, got it?"] I don't get it. A head-scratch moment.

Well, I'm not bored yet.

PMMM and RWBY are two of my favorites, but there are almost no crossovers, at least none that look any good. This, so far, is fine.

I must wonder how there will be a balance between enemy people (Cinder, Torchwick, White Fang) and the Grimm themselves. In RWBY, the Grimm are eventually pretty meaningless except for the "super"-Grimm or extra-large encounters, but in order for them to take the spot of Witches, they have to be a little less useless. Is there also Grief stuff? I suppose I'll find out.

I'm not sure how I feel about Hunters and Magical Girls coinciding. It sounds like it's basically an extra semblance. Why would anyone not be both, if they can, unless it's hard to maintain yourself like in PMMM?

OK, finally got around to reading this sorry it took so long.

Anyway, I am very impressed by your overall writing style, its flows well but does a good job establishing, scenes, motion and emotion, along with offering just enough to explain without going overboard.

For the most part the characters sound IC and the dialogue flows quite well. I did get a bit concerned when it seemed you were dusting off the, at this point, extremely frequent Nora dream sequence bit, but you turned it around fairly effectively.

I however do feel occasionally that some of the explanations for a characters actions are a bit awkward/unnecessary, though I also liked stuff like Ruby describing Penny as 'breaks'. However, I feel Weiss's characterization was more vicious and prejudice than in canon, is this a result of the crossover aspects? And the story does feel a bit like its following the canon rails with this specific retelling of The Runaway but I like a lot of the little details scattered throughout that hinted at other matters and the casual world building you managed to include such as the movies Yang mentioned and stuff.

Once again an easy to read and well written chapter so I'm quite interested where this story will go. Also have to say when I read this I'm interested in how a Templar (magical girl) matches up with against a Hunter or team of Hunters.

I liked the opening to this scene a lot, the exposition, Ozpin's perspective and especially Glynda looking through the cameras. the last few lines felt a little blunt or possibly overly antagonistic from Ozpin's prospective, but overall it's plausible.

You know with Magical Girls being known i'm a tad surprised Kyubey is not more well known. Anyway nice lead into the ruins scene. How can Yang see Kyubey if her potential isn't high enough?

At first Ruby wasn't showing much leadership initiative but that came through later and worked well, Jaune giving her orders felt off though, but besides that I think the fight was very impressively done and and managed to cover a lot of people doing a lot of stuff at the same time very effectively. Group combat is hard but this was a fun read. I assume Kyubey ran off with the grief seed?

Anyway good luck with the next chapter!

Awesome opening and a very solid rendition of the launch scene. A little surprised Glynda wouldn't know the reason but Trollpin was amusing. Hahahaha, Kyubey hasn't changed a bit I see, amusing way to recreate the partnership. Interesting changes to the interaction, ouch Weiss is harsh, but overall very in character.

Given what we learn in season 2 Weiss saying her family's companies controversial labour policies strikes me as a bit OOC, this sort of change showed up a few times, with Yang & Jaune as well. Changing things to be less stations of canon can be good, but I tend to feel there needs to be an explanation for that different behaviour.

Regardless the scenes were effect and efficient, moving at a smooth and fast rate without really feeling too drawn out or too fast. Interesting introduction with Mami and a fantastic speech from her as well. Kyokou... wasting food? I assume there's a reason for that, but even then her interrupting like this feels odd given this is an official proceeding. I get the impression the applause were louder given she actually gave a none discouraging speech unlike a certain headmaster XD

Nice interaction between Weiss and Yang, Yang came across very well as the older sibling here which was nice.