Wait, Lady Luna? Is this OC Discord or something? Or am I bringing Brony logic into a non-mlp related story?

amazing fic dude , i love it

This was written before the reveal of his brother, wasn’t it?

This story was absolutely fantastic! Bravo!

Best fix I have ever. Read keep up the good work in other fics

Kind of an ancient story in internet time, but I'll assume you want reviews anyway, so compliment sandwich incoming.

I'm open to Pinecest (obviously, if you glance at my stories...or profile...or username), and the amnesia trope was a great idea to get that ball rolling, so right away I liked the premise. I think the overall voices of the characters were very good as well, which is probably the one thing I prize most highly in fanfiction. In particular, Mabel and Stan stand out as being very canonish. Dipper and Wendy are a little harder because they're not nearly as quirky as the other, which actually makes it more impressive to me that you did a good job on them as well. Loved the bit of screentime Soos got, as he is my favorite character.

Stylistically apart from dialogue, it wasn't among the best I've seen. I felt like you've got some of the same kind of style problems I tend to run into. As a specific example, I feel like my writing gets pretty amateurish when I try to move my characters around. It just never seems as smooth as it should, and I get kind of the same vibes from your story. As it's a a failing I continue to suffer from, I can't really give any advice in overcoming it. Just thought I'd mention it.

A few typos here and there, nothing too serious or immersion-ending. Less than my average, probably. The ones I saw the most frequently were sudden, reasonless tense changes and some misuse of commas.

Plot-wise, the reasoning in not manually filling in Mabel's memories was pretty flimsy. Because she would cringe so hard if she realized she was crushing on her brobro, was the initial reason if I remember right. A legitimate concern, but waiting til she remembers on her own does nothing to actually solve that. If anything, it'll get way worse if you wait longer. A large and uncharacteristic error in logic on Dipper's part, IMO. Still, we need SOME reason to keep her in the dark. The ones that I would tend toward would change the story too drastically to be used, so I'll refrain from protesting. I'll also refrain from protesting Dipper dating Mabel while her mental CPU is down (which is ALL KINDS of messed up), because you at least acknowledged the problems with that even if you didn't address them.

Strangely enough, I think your writing shined the brightest when moving away from the romance. The moments Soos and Stan, the scenes with the well-crafted OC, the bits of mystery and action, those were the parts of the story I liked best, the parts I would say were better written. Overall, the story was cute and sweet and interesting and all that good jazz.

If you finish the other story, I'll R and R that one too. If you don't mind my review style. I don't do short reviews, because I like to think of my reviews as something a bit more useful than 'Great job! Awesome story!'.

Oh, before I forget...great job! Awesome story!

I DEMAND A 10 OR 15 YEARS AFTER TO THIS

"yamete"
lumen is sorta right. "lux" is the actual word for light but in the situation lumen is correct.
ligare is "to bind" incarcerate does not come from latin so there is no translation. try to capture which is capere.
resolve is constituere; instituere; statuere. resolve as your using it doesnt translate directly from latin.
facere is "to make" and so is forma. fashion in the way you are doing this is not correct. the closest for copy is apographon.

that does not say out of the mountain. dominus is master, or command. so its more like commanded from the mountains (incorrect forms and clauses). wind and ice!
more correctly "i command thee from the mountains. ice and snow!"

the more i think about the truth of this the more disgusted i am until i can stop thinking about how horrible it is that im reading and enjoying this. otherwise this is great.

ever stop and think. "what i'm doing here is wrong on so many levels." and then keep going anyway cause fuck it right?

is it me or is mabel being a bit of a hoe about it?

nice story, even though reading it felt like my morals and science would kill me. I'm confused as to how she didn't realise dipper looked just like her, he's her twin after all.

Shut up, Conscience, no one asked you.

Something's happening that a responsible parent would be worried about, but I'm an uncle and responsibility can suck it. Young love gravy train is going full steam ahead!

These lines will forever have a special place in my heart!

I just finished chapter 4 and I assume you’d published up until this point before Ford was introduced?