Those kind of rules doesn't actually work on time-travelling because that would only work if the timeline you travelled in is linear. While technically the three of you travelled to another universe.

Those kinds of rules doesn't actually work on time-travelling because that would only work if

Damn, i was expecting for a morning sex written on the Codex but i fell into dissapointment after it said that he was only kissing her neck. . . Man, that'd be interesting as hell!

Chapter 23 - 36

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“Running to his rescue like a lovesick fool only to be chastised in the end” - Well, at least I know this hamfisted romance is going to get a fist up someone’s glory hole. In this case, it’s Ezio’s. He was OOC from the get-go, and now he’s yet another kicked puppy looking for somewhere to go. Leonardo also acts like a total asshole to Ezio, even though that isn’t in her repertoire either. Who the hell are these guys?

“I’m an idiot, mentally impaired.” - You said it, Jen. Not me.

“We don’t fuck up people’s lives. We get even” - So...you fuck ‘em up to get even. OK.

By Chapter 25 does Jen wonder if she’ll ever get to kill someone. This despite her ASSASSIN TRAINING, FUCK YEAH (or lack of, I should say), and her repeated excursions into the past. Why hasn’t she learned a single thing? Right, because she’s a non character, that’s what.

By Chapter 25, Jen learns where women stand (but not infidel women, I think that’d be too triggering for you) in 1191 Jerusalem. She’s triggered that her pride is insulted. Me? I say, ‘get used to it, bitch.’

So, Kenny is the one who goes with Ezio. And like a typical closeted gay man (which you guys denies ever happens) he doesn’t have a stable home life. He craves male attention and affection. So he gets it from another guy who craves attention and affection.

When the Codex shows that Jen is going to be beaten to death, her dad and brother decide to go back in time with modern day handguns for a real-life Mexican showdown. This was your attempt to be serious, but I seriously lost my shit. Holy hell, dude.

And that ending...with Jen’s dad threatening Al-Mualim with a modern day weapon...yep, that’s how I know you’re not taking any of this seriously.

First, I want to begin that this story didn’t start off too bad. But Jen was never an interesting character. She never once changed, adapted, or grew throughout this story. She remained the same; the same snarky, unaffected girl with expectations forced upon her. She never reacts to her ability to travel through wormholes. She never changes the world around her from her mere presence. The Butterfly Effect meant nothing in this story; nothing was changed.

Altair and Ezio never reacted to the modern world. Hell, they didn’t even react to EACH OTHER. Any brief interaction with modern technology was akin to sneezing in a tissue: just something you do everyday. As for Jen, she treats these guys as if they’re still video game characters and not trained killers. If I was able to go to and fro time periods through wormholes, rest assured, I’d do whatever I could to blend in and not be conspicuous. Jen? Malik goes from being suspicious of her to telling her his life’s story (and giving him a Deus Ex arm that would absolutely break the timeline). A random gay dude tells her his life’s story and that of his lover before being outed as the dude to lure her to her own death. Gotta love THAT ret-con. And it all ended with an angry dad jumping into a wormhole and waving around a gun. Did he wear an NRA t-shirt, to boot?

Jesus Christ...not often you see something THAT stupid. You’d think the Butterfly Effect would have actual repercussions, but no. Jen is sent by a goddess to change things and all she manages to do is complain about not getting daily baths. Seriously, dude? That’s all you’re concerned about? Not changing history irreversibly and not even TRYING to understand the culture you just entered?

But Jen and Ken are awful characters. I feel absolutely nothing for them. They do not command the story, nor do they undergo any changes. Jen ‘falls in love’ with Altair and isn’t aware of who Adha is despite playing the games. There was zero chemistry between her and Altair, and Altair doesn’t even have a reason to love her. Fact is, there is no reason to ANYTHING in this game. Why did the wormhole appear? We don’t know. Why was Jen selected out of billions of chances? We don’t know. Why does she have Altair’s kids and not Maria? We don’t know. But fuck it, we’re breaking the fourth wall!

The writing itself fluctuates from past tense to AO3 present tense. Though it doesn’t drown itself in metaphors and descriptive language, nothing is said in chapter after chapter true to AO3 style. Since you’ve moved over there, no doubt you’ve found a home for writing page after page of absolutely nothing.

Was this the story pairing Ezio with Kenny, or Ezio with Leonardo? The few bits I saw of Ezio had him so OOC I wondered just who the Hell he was. The contrast between the past and the present was non-existent, and yet I’m supposed to believe your lovey-dovey romances, heterosexual and homosexual?

Yeah, no. You might get more attention on AO3 because of the gay romance, but it doesn’t change the fact that everything is more hamfisted than a clogged up sausage factory. No one is likeable here; the story and plot is nonexistent, and the fact that you ret-conned your own work (whatever happened to the ‘Steal the Apple’ plot, or the ‘What about the wormhole?’ plot?) shows your own lack of internal logic.

A story is only so strong as the plot and characters are. When you rely on AO3 style present tense writing, your voice as an author is drowned in the attempt to mask your own lack of skill. Here, the plot is a jumbled mess and the ending is one huge F U to the audience. Seriously, who told the dad bringing a MODERN DAY WEAPON to 12th century Syria was a good idea? Anyone? Jesus Christ. To think this has a sequel!

Ultimately, this all rests on Jen. I have no idea who she is as a person, nor do I care for her. She’s snarky, unintelligent, and even asks whether she has to kill someone despite her repeated trips to the past. She thinks a mid-thigh dress is ‘modest’ for 12th century Syria, and her lectures on how Christianity being homophobic really falls on deaf ears. It’s yet another case of a person from our world – you, I’m referring to – applying modern standards to the past. No research was done for this fic, and that is what makes or breaks a story when you have a character go back to the past. In Jen’s case, she doesn’t even care whatever happens to her despite you, the author, saying she’s just so affected (but even that is pushing things). All she is is a lovesick puppy for Altair despite there being no love between them.

Like, seriously. There is none. There’s none between Ezio and Leonardo either, and Leonardo is written as a total asshole the one time he makes an appearance in the story. We have 21st century people going back in time and NONE OF THEM are affected by any of it. It’s just unbelievable. It’s like they’re treating it like a video game, and not something that affects their lives as well as the lives of the strangers they are encountering.

In short, this was a real SNAFU. But the ending really does seal the deal. I don’t think I’ve seen something THAT ridiculous in a while, but I’ll be snickering over it later.

A modern-day angry dad staring down Al-Mualim with a gun for reading his daughter’s death...hoo boy that is a kicker.

Chapters 11 - 22

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So, Basim and Odell were engaged in an interracial, interfaith homosexual liaison. Very tolerant, much progressive. Tick off all the diversity boxes, please. Also tick off the ‘Rawr, ‘Murica and oil wars!’ box, please. We get it. It’s not 2003, and we’re not reminiscing over the Gulf War. Get over it.

Altair returns to Jen’s time – with no reaction, as is the course – and mother dearest wants to get him on medication because she doesn’t want a killer in her home. At this point I really have to roll my eyes and ask: how in the Hell did you even think this was going to make sense? Who the Hell would believe ANYTHING Jen would have to say? Yeesh.

“We treated him like he was one of us...an annoying guy who needed a kick in the arse” - Yeah...no.

“It was the Medieval era. Science just didn’t fly at that time” - Again, this is how I know you did ZERO RESEARCH. Yes, there was science at that time. Hell, I would’ve expected the ‘Islamic Golden Age of Science’ anytime now.

Jen’s Father has to be the one to offer some form of logic in this story, and when I mean ‘logic’, I mean hamfisted excuses. Jen is the one out of billions to successfully complete the simulation, acting as a conduit between our worlds and theirs. Now, Ezio has entered the fray, and his reaction to our world is one of mute wonder (more than Altair). At this point, it’s a joke. And it’s made a joke because the author thinks her reasoning is good enough. Well, it’s not. Your leading lady doesn’t make it any better, because she’s really not all that interesting.

Altair has no reaction when Odell, an Englishman and infidel, was in love with Basim. Despite his rejection of the radical tenets of religion, Altair is still living in a Muslim world. You are projecting your modern sensibilities into a world where such things are inconceivable. In the Koran, if you are caught engaging in sodomy, you are put to death. The only way to escape death is to express regret and the willingness to repent; only then does Allah forgive you.

Altair doesn’t seem to acknowledge any Muslim influences, but he does recognize Christianity. Jen notes that Christianity doesn’t view homosexuality in a positive light, and I know this is you talking. You people wax poetic about the ‘homophobia’ of Christianity, but remain silent on the Koran’s treatment of gay men (back then and even today), and even Judaism’s treatment of it. Condemnation of sodomy – same sex relations and all that – were highlighted in the Torah. Jewish scholars, even after the dietary restrictions were amended, never lifted the sanctions against homosexuality.

Even when they go through the portal with oxygen masks, Altair doesn’t raise any questions. It’s jarring and takes me out of the story – and that’s happening quite often, I may add. Every time Jen opens her mouth and talks about the future, no one reacts. If this is her attempt to stop the Butterfly Effect, well. She’s not really trying. She’s basking in the attention.

Ezio’s interactions with Altair have no lasting effect, either. Everyone blends into their new environments as if they were trying on new T-shirts. There is no real risk here, and Jen so far has has no real change as a character. She’s her plain old uninteresting self. Am I supposed to follow her in this adventure, or roll my eyes at this lampshading? You tell me.

By Chapter 19, Jen and Ken are in Renaissance Italy, and Claudia reacts to their presence with ‘meh’. Le sigh. Here I thought we’d be past this, already. Apparently not. Ken jokes to Jen about how ‘in love’ she is with Altair, even though they don’t have any chemistry. When characters have zero chemistry or true feelings for one another, any romance will be forced. This is what is happening here. Jen isn’t even that interesting to begin with, so even if she shags Altair I’ll be rolling my eyes instead of giggling along with her. If anything, I giggle at the subtle lampshading in the story.

“How is it that courtesans aren’t being shamed? Especially in our time period” - Maybe because in our time period we largely recognize prostitution isn’t a job many women choose. They are forced into it due to economic hardship or by sex slavery. Yeah. Remember that?

Ken gets angry at Jen for the second time for portal hopping without telling him. Jen, mimicking regret, tells him she’s sorry but we all know she really isn’t. For now, she’s showing up in the Codex as some time goddess, and unlike the Doctor, she isn’t intelligent enough to grasp the consequences of any of her actions.

By Chapter 20 the Codex says that Jen will bear Altair children and that she’s totes cool with Maria. Apparently, she fucks up the timeline so much the kids she has are the ones who replace Maria’s. What an absolute mindfuck. The Codex also writes how much Altair loves Jen, even though there is no true chemistry between them. I still don’t care about either of your OC s and I am at chapter 21. How hard is it to make me like someone by chapter freakin’ 20?

“Only now I’ve realized the fatal flaw of my planning” - NOW this occurs to Jen, in Chapter 21. Never occurred to her beforehand, but it occurs to her now.

Jen is from the 21st century and apparently doesn’t know how to treat a fever (aside from her own, you write). This is just dumb. Yes, you use a washcloth or a lukewarm bath in an attempt to reduce your body’s temperature. You do this until the fever breaks. Jen’s mother is a nurse and she doesn’t know this? Wow, girl.

By Chapter 22, Jen goes to a party and we learn that she was proposed to years ago from a semi-hot ginger. Knowing that she’s head over heels for an Assassin she really doesn’t care for, it’s quite amusing to see her reject another guy. Not only does Jen shun relationships in the most cliched of ways, she wouldn’t even be fit for them in the first place. At the end of Chapter 22, Ronnie, the spurned ginger, isn’t about to let his cowgirl get away. Woo wee! Time for the obligatory attempted rape scene! Or, maybe not? Who knows. At this point maybe the attempted sexual assault would be the only interesting thing of consequence in this story.

I can’t believe I’m saying that, but yeah. That’s how piss-poor this story is.

Chapters 1 - 10

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I saw this story on AO3, and decided to give it a whirl here where reviews aren’t easily deleted. From your AO3 work, it is said Ezio will go with Leonardo da Vinci. I’m going to read through this and see how this plays out.

I’ll be honest: I actually like time-travel stories. They’re common on this website, and on AO3, it’s the same but with gay escapades. So, in this case, we have a girl – a Caucasian – with green eyes, glasses, and a modern English name talking to a Syrian in 1191.

This is how I know the people who write these stories do so little research. In Jerusalem at this time – hell, in the Middle East – seeing a white person was akin to interacting with an infidel. Not only that, the English spoken is not modern English but close to the Germanic branch. Jennifer would not understand anything anyone is saying, even when they are speaking in the Anglo-Saxon tongue. She also makes no attempt to wear traditional clothes, so that’s another dead giveaway.

By Chapter 3, there is a slight mention of Kenny’s and Jennifer’s clothing giving them away, but nothing really comes out of it. Altair’s brief reaction to modern technology in Chapter 2 doesn’t have a lasting effect on him (not yet, as I can see), but Kenny, for all his genius, doesn’t tell Jennifer than Jerusalem in 1191 is not Current Year Jerusalem. Sky high IQ for nothing.

Altair takes these time travellers pretty smoothly despite him having no reason to believe them. Even his brief incursion into the future doesn’t affect him at all. It doesn’t affect the main characters, either: while Jen and Kenny are determined to get home, they don’t feel any sense of displacement or desperation. They’re concerned about the Butterfly Effect but are unaware they are already implementing it with their presence. They are taking no steps to be discreet. Immediate interactions with Altair and the Assassin stronghold did away with all of that.

In this story, the time rip (I am reminded of BioShock Infinite) is open so people can hop to and fro from each dimension. Altair goes forward in time and wears close fitting jeans (you mention him being Muslim and nothing about how close fitting clothing is looked down upon for both sexes in that religion), and his interest in the world is superseded by the snarky attitude of your OC, Jennifer. So much for a serious take on a serious issue.

By Chapter 7, Kenny and Jen decide to tell their parents about the portal. There is a lampshading moment where the author says the parents are under no obligation to believe the explanation these two are giving them; indeed, there isn’t even a need for it yet. There is this assumption that every character is treating this rift through time and space as if it is no big deal. They are able to go through the portal at will, and other people can come through the rift with zero consequences.

Suspension of disbelief only works so far. When it comes to going back, Jen thinks ‘modest’ for 1191 Syria is a mid-thigh dress with boots. Yeah...no. Not even Crusader women wore dresses like that; you might be able to get away with it in Roman-Grecian times, but not 12th century Syria. She would need to done an ankle-length dress with a niqab or, at the very least, a hijab. This is how I know you did very little research and how many authors simply believe that all cultures are inherently equal.

When Jen and Kenny return to 1191 Syria, they pack a tablet to record their surroundings as proof. No one acts strange when these two return, and Altair doesn’t act surprised when he sees any of Jen’s devices. She speaks carelessly (instead of saying ‘Mexico’, say she is from the far West, beyond the ocean) about who and what she is and Altair takes it in stride. The first chapter managed to capture some of the ambience but it is lost as the chapters go on.

When it comes to time travel fics, one of the WORST things you can do is tell someone of the past that you are from the future. For one, they are under no obligation to believe you, and two, they would think you mad and condemn you to death. None of that matters to Jen. She candidly tells Altair of her world, the future, what’s going to happen and people who don’t even exist yet. She’s playing her cards at Death and she is arrogant enough to believe that none of it will affect her. The better part – or worst part, depending on who you ask – is the lack of reaction on Altair’s part. I would’ve thought the portal would’ve been expanded upon as this entity that cannot be controlled and anything can be pulled through (as we’ve seen with ‘The Mist’ and Stranger Things), but alas, it has not. It’s just a portal.

Now, I definitely know you did zero research. In the Middle Ages, people did in fact bathe. And Crusader women had rights. They were allowed to Crusade on their husband’s and menfolks’ behalf, raising funds and participating as nurses. Though they were forbidden from open combat, they were there for their men.

As the chapters go on, Jen goes through ASSASSIN TRAINING, FUCK YEAH! And continues to do things that make her stand out more and more in a world where she is supposed to blend in. That is always the issue with these time travel fics: so few actually create characters who want to be as inconspicuous as possible. Yours might as well have packed strobe lights announcing she was from the future.

The German Empire did not exist in 1191. It was a series of states. It was not unified until the 19th century. Again, no research from you.

By Chapter 10 do the changes actually take place. But instead of having any lasting effect, your OC continues to prove to be a distraction. I suspect this will get worse as time goes on, especially since your character has violated the unwritten rules of time travel and the Butterfly Effect will undoubtedly come second to your character’s snark.

If I am speed reading through this, that is not a good sign. Thankfully, this isn’t a half-million word fic so it’ll be easy to get through.

I remember reading this in around Christmas 2014 and being really interested, but somehow forgetting to set it in my alerts. Finding it again was the best Christmas present ever! You blend the perfect amount of craziness in with the story without making it into an easy fix-it-all/ Mary Sue story.

I also really liked the smaller moments of time travel realism you include like (Ezio getting sick eating modern food) and (Jen taking her own water and bringing a purifier). So many people leave out those things! It's one of the first things I thought of, "How are Jen/Altair/Ezio going to survive in each-other's time when I got sick drinking modern tap water in a different country?"

I eagerly look forward to the continuing adventures of Jen!

This was truly magnificent! This was so beautifully made! The characters doing their part splendidly and kept the story interesting! Thank you, you placed wonderful pieces of memories in my mind. I'd love to see more where it goes! (Jen's family is utterly hilarious, and I love Ken so much! Altaïr is.. well, Altaïr. No but seriously, Altaïr is seen more with his emotions than people take granted for and I love it!)

This was truly magnificent! This was so beautifully made! The characters doing their part splendidly and kept the story interesting! Thank you, you placed wonderful pieces of memories in my mind. I'd love to see more where it goes! (Jen's family is utterly hilarious, and I love Ken so much! Altaïr is.. well, Altaïr. No but seriously, Altaïr is seen more with his emotions than people take granted for and I love it!)

I'm
So excited for the father-to-Al-Mualim talk you have NO IDEA

SO
HYPED
OMG

I'm so glad this story continues! Its so exciting! And i can't wait to read more!

can't wait to read more of the story and the next book thanks for telling us

love the update and the teaser I can't wait to read more but jest a question will desmond fall through the sealing? please update soon

I haven't played any of the games or know that much about Assassin's Creed but I read all of this and enjoyed it anyway. You have very likeable OCs. Great job!

I just want to thank you for writing this story! I found it while browsing for Assassin's Creed fan fiction, and was pretty weary to read it at first in all honesty, due to some pretty cringy characterXOC pairings I've read in the past. However, you surprised me (in the best way) and now I'm completely hooked on the story! I'm really excited about the next chapter! Keep up the awesome work!