This was an GREAT story! I had so much fun reading this

This was rlly good. I love your work on this, there was a ton of angst and whimper and it was delicious. Lol. If I haven't followed you already I definitely will.

I've adore this one. Thank you for sharing.

A beautiful story about Hope in the end .

All these things about the angel blade made more sense , now to me.

Hum Hell break loose ?

Oh I don't like the sound of this.

Question ; What happen ?

CHAPTER 18. "You'll Do More Than Just Survive"

Finally, *finally* the Winchesters (inadvertently) touched Castiel's wings. And, yes, I was in tears and actually choked up when he finally felt exactly how the boys regarded him, imprinting those feelings and emotions onto his soul to join Zoey's embossing, a brightness to counter the evil already done. Absolutely beautiful. Perfection.

Even in the midst of fighting, Castiel *still* reaches for Jareb, still tries to make him let go the dark, still tries to save him. Because he himself could not, would not be broken. (Me - I'm not so forgiving, not after the horrid things he said to Castiel to tear him down. Thankfully the motherf**king sonofabitch was also batshit crazy.) But Jareb's insanity was his downfall, poetically destroying himself in the sigil he had drawn to kill Castiel. Dean and Sam's argument after Jareb's death was frigging awesome, a nice dose of humor after the intensity of the rest of the scene. And Terriel's words seemed to help Cas better accept Jareb's death.

And you *LOSE,* Lucifer! Suck on *that* all the way back to Hell! And btw, asshat, you were laughably wrong about Castiel, just like you're wrong about Sam. (Ahem ... sorry; not a Lucifer fan.) I loved the demon Castiel had allowed to escape still so deliciously terrified of him, remembering Castiel *IS* an angel and all demon-kind better tremble if they're unlucky enough to ever run into him. Huzzah!

NOTE:

So a little explanation is in order before I finish the last chapter. I read this story originally in August and left one of the first reviews I had ever written in my life in the last chapter way back then. I always wanted to review it again once I figured out what I was doing. I also remembered there were a lot of things I wanted to cover in it, so I didn't want to do a one-shot type review like I did for "Where They Don't Belong" and "Deep Water." I wanted to do chapter-by-chapter because I knew there were a lot of things that bore talking about. That said, because I reviewed "chapter 19" already, I can't do it again and I can't edit it; hence this includes reviews for the last 2 chapters.

CHAPTER 19. "So Carry On, My Wayward Son"

Oh man ... What a gloriously perfect ending to this story! What needed to be tied up, was; of the rest, all we need to know is there are 3 Winchester brothers and that Castiel is getting better, there are so many good "scars" now covering his wings, strengthening his soul, giving him sincerity and affirmation to overwhelm what the demons had once done to him.

One of my favorite parts is: "And so, Cas had risen above the demons that haunted him, both within and without. The scars would never go away; scars never did ... that was okay, because being scarred and being broken were two very different things."

That's right in front of probably my most favorite part of this chapter, which begins "Among demons, the story became well known..." and ends with "And so they carry on."

This was a beautiful, emotional, intense story that handled some pretty dark themes but also offered encouragement and hope. Thank you for sharing it for all of us to enjoy!

All I've done so far is read the line of the poem that makes up this chapter title and I couldn't suppress a gloating (and *maybe* evil) smile, feeling a wicked thrill of anticipation and triumph. Huzzah!
...
...
HUZZAH! It's the next day and I just finished reading this chapter and aaacckkk! Friggin' awesome!

*Bladed armor* for Castiel's wings made from the same alloy as angel blades ... lightweight, lethal, and protective - wings of death! I loved it!

Of course, Cas and the boys are completely surrounded by demons when they get to Terriel's location, right smack into a *host* of triggers, but Cas focused on Zoey's imprint, lasting and strong from sleeping in his wing, feeding the light, shoving the darkness away. His emotional strength from that touch allowing himself to surrender, to kneel before the demons, chained and compliant, waiting for them to say the spell that manifested this wings.

Which is something the demons instantly regretted. Huzzah!

Dickhead Jareb just had to attack Terriel, couldn't leave him "safely" in a ring of holy fire. And awesome Terriel, hurt and knowing the consequences, warned Cas just in time about the rug. What a great place to end the chapter, with Jareb (still with his full grace thanks to Lucifer) about to smite the Winchesters and Terriel. I know, however, how fast Cas is...

I obviously *LOVE* this chapter and here are a few other favorite things:
1) "Raise Your Wings as Demons Run;"
2) Not only is Cas surrounded by triggers, he's exhausted from making the armor in the first place, but he *still* feeds the right wolf; only proving Dean's assessment that he is a BAMF and the exact opposite of weak;
3) The boys sharing Cas's triumph in overcoming *all* the demons, even those within;
4) "Then, Castiel's eyes snapped open, and the demons' courage failed;"
5) "Where was the trembling, cowering angel he'd been told to expect?!" ... "This wasn't 'easy prey,' it was every demon's worst nightmare: an angel in all his warrior glory;"
6) "'No.' Castiel's voice was like thunder, low and rumbling and full of threat." (Attaboy, Cas!);
7) "When the angel spoke again, it was to growl out the message in one baleful, menacing word: *'Run.*'" (Huzzah!);
8) Cas throwing Jareb's "fleeting regard" comment back in his face, which naturally Dean loved;
9) "'Lucifer said ... he said the angel would never recover,' one of the demons whimpered..." ... "'Yeah, well, Lucifer was *wrong*,' he snarled..." (so suck on that, devil!);
10) "RAISE YOUR WINGS AS DEMONS RUN!"

HUZZAH!

Well, I'm super excited, though I don't know what Dean's design/idea is, just because the boys are; because Cas couldn't hide his hope. So it's got to be good, whatever it is! And it's gotta be big, simply based on Cas needing to use both of the boys' souls and that he was *exhausted* (again) after he finished whatever it was he made. Whatever ... it sounds like they're going on the offensive and Castiel is no longer falling apart. I loved the brotherly moments. Sam embarrassing Dean with a compliment! And the boys refusing to back down from offering their souls, proving to Cas again that they trust him absolutely.

Ah, Terriel... Another baited trap to get a certain blue-eyed angel. Had to figure that was coming after Jareb's hissy fit with Lucifer. Did not, however, see him stealing one of Terriel's sigil designs to use should Cas actually make it past the demons.

And then frigging Cas so worried he'll hurt the Winchesters due to demon-induced flashback or hallucination so he tries to go after Terriel on his own; thankfully, the boys were having none of that. Trying to get it into his head that they're in this together because they're *family* and that's what *families* do.

Some of my favorite things:
1) Sam talking Castiel through a panic attack, and Cas focusing on Zoey to remember what *she* imprinted in his soul, taking him completely out of the dark and feeding the light within;
2) "Still, he was getting better now instead of worse, and that small victory was a precious one." (Just because it highlights how much Castiel means to the boys, just as himself, not a weapon or tool;)
3) "'...It's not worth it, *I'm* not worth it.'
'Yeah, actually ... you are. You are to us. Cas, we'd *die* for you, you really think we wouldn't do *this?*'" (Because they don't have many moments like this on the show and they should;)
4) "Terriel had been feeling good about things, and that should have been his first clue that things were about to turn sour for him;"
5) "It had taken a direct threat from Dean that if Cas *didn't* use his soul, he was going to summon Jareb and fight him himself.
Castiel was only about 30% positive that Dean was bluffing." (lmao!);
6) "'Wait, what? No, get back here!' ... Dean reacted quickly, physically launching himself over the couch to grab the angel's arm. 'Not without us!'"
7) "'You idiot, that was the *point* of doing all this,' Dean bluntly pointed out."
8) "'You've got this,' Dean assured him. 'Now let's go get Terry and kick some demon ass.'" (Because he's confident in whatever Cas made, in whatever he designed and damn it all anyway, *I* want to see what it's all about!)

AWWWWW! Frigging awesome!

I loved Castiel being overwhelmed by Zoey's imprint, by Cas not realizing more than evil could leave a lasting impression. I confess I was nearly jumping up and down, practically screaming at him to let the Winchesters touch his wings (because then there'd be *NO* question as to what they feel about him, which he obviously needs), but then I figured it's probably not a good idea to do it now because he's too raw, too close to the edge, and frankly, the boys are feeling too much guilt over driving him away; I think it'd be way too overpowering for Castiel at this point. But hooray! Because this - this he can use in the future.

I *loved* Dean unloading on Castiel: Honestly, I didn't know if I should laugh, cry, or cheer so I wound up doing all three; once or twice I did them all at the same time! Whew! And then Sam added his support and finally, finally "Castiel broke down and sobbed." It was a catharsis he so desperately needed. And then holy crap he *chose* to bring his wings forth to comfort Zoey, to let her curl up in them (and *hopefully* leave another impression, to fight the demon taint). And Dean has an idea to counter the demon threat, which I so can't wait for, btw; re-reading the chapter, I'd say it has to do with reminding Cas he's a BAMF *angel* of the Lord *and* reminding all demon-kind that they SHOULD be afraid of him (be afraid, be very afraid...).

Obviously I loved this chapter. Here are a few more of my favorite things:
1) "'You know what's a big friggin' deal, Cas?! Watching the devil *TORTURE* my best friend! Watching him *tear you down*!'"
2) "...'I'm not losing you. If it's the last God-forsaken thing I do, I'm gonna help you get back on your feet. You're my *brother,* you son of a bitch. But don't you give up. Don't you dare, not now. I can't-Cas, you don't understand, I *can't* lose you, too.'"
3) That whole section when Dean tells Cas that he is NOT weak and ends with "'...and that makes you pretty much the toughest badass alive.'"
4) "'Then, Cas ... go ahead and fall. 'Cause me and Sammy? We're right here ... waiting to catch you.'"
5) "...for the first time in his life, he felt safe enough to let go. He could fall apart; they were there to catch him."
6) "'... My God, I'd forgotten.' ... 'What it felt like to have hope like hers.'"

At last, a win for Castiel, no matter how minor, finally figuring out how he's feeling what Zoey's feeling and how they have that connection in the first place. Your angel wing head-canon is definitely very interesting and it makes sense that if the demons can imprint their evil into Cas's wings, into his soul, then of course other feelings, other emotions can be imprinted into them as well.

I loved the boys letting Castiel know in no uncertain terms that not only was he forgiven and actually had nothing to be sorry for but also that he was *wanted* and they weren't afraid of him. And that they seem prepared to remind him that he's family and to help him cope with the horrific aftermath of his capture and all the previous assaults and abuse; that unlike his angel family (with the exception of Terriel), they're in it for the long haul. They weren't ever going to give up on him.

Zoey provided some lighthearted moments, which was a nice counterpoint to the intensity of the rest of the chapter. And I loved her scolding Cas to use his "inside voice" and how she wasn't put off by his intensity as he tried to put into words what he couldn't quite articulate.

And, you know what, screw Lucifer; he can shove his "reruns" straight up his ass. Castiel is *NOT* Jareb. You lose, Devil, betting against Cas and the Winchesters. "The best laid plans of mice and men..."

Okay, so that was as brutal for Castiel as I was afraid it would be. I spent the entirety of both of his POV's in tears and a portion of Dean's as well. I mean ... what Cas is feeling, lost in the darkness, in the emptiness, completely misinterpreting Dean's first words; blaming himself for not being able to defend himself against Zachariah, against the demons (because he was chained, goddamnit!) because Jareb said it was his fault that the demons touched his wings, his soul; his fault, because he's *weak.* Trapped in his head, flitting in and out of flashbacks, out of hallucinations; too exhausted to fight. And then a flash of light in the dark, in his heart, little Zoey's remembered words, her remembered *feelings.* And then she's praying, the Winchesters are praying, and he's getting tossed between Zoey's tiny voice and the evil imprinted on his wings by demons and holy crap that can't be good for a mind already torn and frayed and then he's flying again. Wow. Just wow. I'm a tiny bit leery of what's going to happen when he reaches Zoey, just because his mental state is obviously already bad but her little "zings" are ... unnerving (for lack of a better word) him because he doesn't understand. Oh poor angel baby...

After Dean tells Sam and Terriel what really happened, oh boy ... helpings of guilt and remorse all around. I love that Dean absolutely, positively refuses to give up on Castiel, refuses to let his friend, his brother go through all this crap alone, especially thinking that the Winchesters don't want him around and actually want to hurt him if not outright kill him. I love that Dean wants to find a way to combat the horrors Jareb started by letting all demon-kind know how to destroy this one angel. I especially love that he had a glimmer of a plan to do just that. I loved his idea to get Zoey to call Cas home, knowing that somehow a special bond was forged between the two. And his thoughts on what the demons would do to Cas, hunting him down, but not to kill, oh no, to keep alive to torment for all time ... I had those same thoughts SO HURRY UP AND BRING HIM HOME!

Despite the tenseness and heartbreak there were some lovely lighthearted breaks provided by little Zoey. And they were all so very welcome.

Other things I absolutely loved in this chapter:
1) "'Yeah. Of course, he couldn't have *mentioned* this to us, or anything. I'm gonna kick his *friggin* ass for not tell us about it.'"
"'Well, that definitely makes him a Winchester.'" (Because I love the boys claiming him as family!)
2) "...Sam agreed with a chuckle, patiently not asking her to stop accidently whacking him in the face with her 'twout.'"
3) Dean quickly telling Zoey not to call with words when she opened her mouth to simply start yelling for Castiel to come home.
4) "'...I fink he's really sad, Mr. Angel. He's crying. ... What? Yes, you are. ... Yes, you ARE, you have tears right THERE.'" (I, like Castiel, also let out a surprised laugh! That was awesome!)

I'm looking forward to starting the next chapter, not because I have high hopes that it will be any easier for poor Castiel, but because I looked ahead to the next chapter title, which offers some hope and comfort so yay!

Sam and Terriel were able to get Dean and Castiel out of the devil's clutches, but they're not even remotely out of the woods yet; Dean's dying and Cas is shutting down. Between Dean's knee-jerk reaction when just coming back to consciousness and Sam's murderous threat against the person responsible for Dean's injuries, Castiel just lost everything that's precious to him; those two reactions coupled with all the filth Jareb hurled at him and the poisoned tongue of Lucifer in addition to his own guilt-ridden, self-loathing thoughts have broken Cas entirely. He needs *help* but how does one accept it while utterly lost?

And now, because apparently he hasn't suffered nearly enough and he can never ever catch a break, *all* the demons know the spell to manifest Castiel's wings, knowing what it will do to him; this is one angel of the Lord they will gleefully dominate. (Have I mentioned how much I utterly loathe Jareb? Giving *demons* that spell, evil doomed sonofabitch...)

I got very teary-eyed again at the beginning, with Dean recounting what he accidently did to Cas and Cas's silence after that, how he gave up; my poor angel, so lost and broken...

I loved Dean's faith in Sam, that his clever brother would find them, would rescue them; how his concern was far more for Castiel's well-being than his own. I loved how Sam was absolutely terrified by Cas's appearance/reactions, not knowing what had happened just that something clearly had that badly affected his angel; and how he refused to accept the possibility that Dean could be dead ("Because, if Dean was dead, then Sam was dead. So Dean was *alive.*") I loved that it was a demon who taught Terriel about "bluffing," and he learned it so well!

Awesome chapter and while I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next, I'm also not; I *know* how bereft Castiel is and he's going to break my heart. But onward - because those last three lines of the poem (actually, technically, the last *four*) promise hope for Castiel, and that's all I really want!