I just watched "Frozen Lake" on DVD not for the first time and I thought I'd look for a fan fiction to go with it. I came across this gem and I found it excellent. If whatever I'm reading gives me a good feeling I think that's all I can ask of a writer and you have fulfilled that for me. Thank you.

PS:I miss the stories of ZBBZL. Please let her know for me.

You know, I actually haven't read this in forever and now I completely regret that, because oh my god pure perfection in every word. It's like I'm there, in the room, not reading a story, because wow, every word is so amazingly placed and put together you've seriously got me in awe right now because I don't know how you do it, but this is utterly amazing and spectacular and beautiful and every good word I can think of, only I can't think of many now because I'm still in awe by how completely and utterly perfect and gorgeous this story is. Every bit of her emotions, her thought process, is so in character and exactly HER, his reactions are perfect, and how do you do this? Teach me your ways, Dr. Wordmaster because ahhhhhhh my emotions are so strong right now.
And fyi, the thing I want most in the world is more wordz from you. ;)

Perfect. Just perfect.

I can see this happening that morning, great job.

Finally I mean thank god someone who can capture the complexity of these two character thank you.
I find sometime people just don't get how complicated there decision to be together is but I think it's something that make them so great so thank you for exploring and capturing that I really enjoyed reading this:)

Lovely story! Love how you worked in the deleted scene and you got their mannerisms down perfectly. Great job!

Absolutely amazing! So much better what they are showing on tv.

That's a great line they can both swim

Beautiful, just beautiful.

great story , its a pity they didnt show it on screen

Great story! Love it how he slowly breaks her resistance! :D

All right so you know this is me because who else rambles like a complete lunatic, right?

I watched the clip and that so informs the scene and alters it and then you add in this perfection (smacking you on principle for ever doubting yourself and yes, you know you've earned it) and I have this epically wonderful canonical set. I have Kensi over-thinking and Deeks being so adorable and earnest and Kensi wanting and taking and then retreating and then being brave and Deeks kind of just watching all of this and knowing what to expect and good Lord this is a run-on sentence, yeah?

Anyway, I think what I love the most here isn't just the dialogue (which is fantastic) or the internal dialogue (which is spot-on) but rather the intensity of how much her past is holding her back and she's aware of it just as its his past which is pushing forward; this feels so achingly accurate and guuuuh.

I miss you work terribly and this piece shows me exactly why - you are brilliance.

“She feels what had started from the very first laser, what had persisted through the very first surge of jealousy, what had grown through the first of many, many cozy movie nights; what had become sheer terror when Kensi had seen him, tied to that chair, blood spilling from the wounds on his face, utter horror in those beautiful blue eyes. It had become desperation in the weeks that followed; desperation and heartache as he refused to take her calls, to take anyone's calls and her own nights had become a mix of nightmares and insomnia; nightmares filled with him, being tortured in front of her, helpless to save him, and insomnia as her rampant imagination tormented her reminding her that he could be slipping farther into the darkness, slipping away from her in the aftermath of it all.

Desperation and heartache and utter worry had blessedly shifted to relief, sweet relief when she'd finally coaxed him to open the door to her, bringing tidings of greasy dinner, movies, and a weeks-old cronut. She'd felt it more than once that night and the morning that followed – the flutter in her heart at his sleepy words, at the feel of his arms around her and his heartbeat steady beneath her ear as she'd awoken with him.

So many moments that she probably should have seen it growing, progressing, and still it had eluded her until they'd finally ended up here. The first kiss, undercover. The second kiss, impulsive. The third kiss…and the fourth, and the fifth, the twentieth and beyond as his arms wrapped around her, as her hands fisted in his hair, as he lifted her up and her legs wrapped around his waist in the dark; her heart pounding and desire coiling as they tumbled somewhat gracelessly onto his bed with bursts of uninhibited laughter and teasing (he'd tripped awkwardly on a toy of Monty's in the dark, a squeaky one of course).”

THIS IS A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY YES

“And yet, there's still that part of her that thinks if she doesn't say the words, then maybe, just maybe, she retains some of her control over it all.

(At least, that's what she tells herself.)” YOU’RE AN IDIOT THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS YOU’RE IN TOO DEEP (he was, too. :P) TOO LATE SUE LOVE

“There's a slight twinge of anguish in his voice and it just kills her because he's been through so much and the last thing she wants is for him to hurt more.” THEN DON’T. Goddammit, woman, why do you have to make me go Avril Lavigne and make everything so complicated? You love him, he loves you, baby it’s a love story just say yes. Listen to the great Taylor Swift, philosopher and relationship guru.

“His lips curve just slightly, an amused smile in the wake of such a ridiculous question. Diverting the true question of the hour back to him; that's his Kensi, frustrating, irritating, beautiful. His eyes never waver from hers as he brings a gentle hand to her face, tracing the soft blush in her cheek with merely the pad of his ring finger before fully cupping her chin. "I told you what I wanted last night," he murmurs. "I told you I don't care about anything else because I just want you."” FLAILING MYSELF INTO THE SUN FOR ALL ETERNITY LIKE A DRUNK EPILEPTIC OTTER

KISS! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! all the exclamation marks loophole because I cannot

PERFECT MAN IS PERFECT: “"I care about what happens between you and me," he answers simply. "I don't give a damn about anything else." He gives those words mere seconds to sink into her before he continues, his voice low and quietly seductive, so close to her ear that his breath plays over her skin, hot as a flame. "That's what you've done to me, Agent Blye."

Kensi swallows hard, and without even fully realizing it, her palms find the toned muscles of his bare chest, desperate for support as his words leave her dizzy. "You're – you're supposed to become an agent," she says weakly. "What if – what if Hetty makes you choose?"

His answer is immediate, and so confident that it frightens Kensi. "The only reason I'm still there anyway," he whispers, pausing to press another slow kiss to her jaw, "is you."” AND THE REAAAAASON IS YOUUUUUU

“But she can't, though. Because Kensi Blye is black and white; the greys of uncertainty have no place in her life. And that's exactly what not choosing would mean.” STOP MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT FIFTY SHADES OF GREY I CANNOT. WHY NOT FIFTY SHADES OF CAMOMILLE? FIFTY SHADES OF BURGUNDY? FIFTY SHADES OF VERMILLON? SEA-GREEN? LAVENDER? God, I bet what LavLav and WonWon did falls in that category.

“It would mean facing every day fearing that the littlest thing in the merged sphere of personal and professional might go wrong, forcing a sudden decision between the two, right there on the spot. If she fails to choose, she might lose one or both at any given time.” Oh stfu again Kiki. You love him. Not being with him won’t change that it’s already personal. It’ll just frustrate you and make it worse. So embrace it and be happy for once, it’ll be a nice change. I’m sure that most of Kensi’s bad temper would be solved if she got laid.

“Kensi shakes her head. "I don't…" She presses her teeth into her bottom lip, every fiber of her usual tough, badass spirit fighting the words that play upon her tongue. "I don't want you to go. I don't want to lose my partner."

But then, somewhat contrary to her words, Kensi brings a hand to his scruffy cheek and guides his mouth back to hers in a slow, heated kiss that says everything she can't say. "I love…what we have," she murmurs against his mouth, her lips moving deliciously against his. God, she loves what they have.” YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY I LOVE YOU BUT OH, OKAY. LET’S DO IT YOUR WAY.

“He knows how much this job means to her; he knows how much it means to her to have a partner she can count on. But he also knows that, relationship or not, he'd still lay his life down for her. Deeks parts from her lips, savoring the soft, reluctant sound that flutters to his ears. "Kensi," he breathes, gently tracing her cheek with the pad of his thumb, "I know you think this changes everything. But…trust me, Kens. Trust me. If you think the fact that I'm in love with you –" she gasps softly at his words; somehow, they're so much heavier in the sunlight than they'd been just the night before, with him hovering above her, still much too far away for her liking. "If you think that's going to change what we have at work…"

He trails off, chuckling quietly. "Then I guess you don't realize just how long I've been falling for you."” FLAILING UNTIL THE END OF TIME AOZDFBJGHNFD?ZLDIHFNVIFLZQDINFLZKVFLAQB EZVDJDKAZ ALL THE THREES SNUGGLING

OH OH SEXY TIMES

“They both know he means more than just what's happening now.” A HOUSE ON THE BEACH AND MONTY AND A LITTLE FERNIE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

“Her reply is steady, instant as the towel falls from his hips, pooling on the carpet below. "I don't care…" She knows Callen and Sam can spot that kind of thing a mile away; they'll recognize her shirt from yesterday before she even takes her seat in the bullpen.” Because it’s illegal to wear the same shirt twice now? I can hear Kalstein. But but she doesn’t care because all she wants is him! YOU’RE ALL I WANT YOU’RE ALL I NEED YOU’RE EVERYTHING

QUOTING BECAUSE SWEETNESS AND BANTER AND PERFECTION

“Deeks smirks, almost as if reading her mind. "You can always borrow one of my shirts," he whispers, feeling her shiver as his palms splay over her stomach. "

And despite the tension, the worry, and the secret fear all competing with the desire, the flame he's stoked deep inside of her, Kensi laughs. It's bubbly and beautiful, a sound Deeks can't help yearning to hear on a lazy, playful Sunday morning, the two of them tangled together in his sheets.
He breaks away from her one last time, whispering her name as he gazes into her eyes – he swears that every time he does, he falls even more for her. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

Her cheeks tint as she nibbles at her lip. She's not sure what to reply to that, but she knows that somehow, with him, she feels more beautiful than she ever has before. One of her hands snakes its way upward before her fingers thread through his unruly, still damp locks. She tugs, just gently, but it's enough that Deeks growls softly. The heat pooling at Kensi's core goes utterly molten, and that's the point where her mind finally shuts completely down. "One more time," she breathes heavily, pulling him into another searing kiss.

All she wants is him.”

QUOTING THE END FOR PERFECT REASONS

“It's a carefully crafted speech she gives him later, after the complicating and utterly frustrating events of the morning. Everything that had felt so right as they'd made love again had been marred once again by all the uncertainty in her head, leaving her more torn than she'd been before.
She lets her mind conquer her heart as she talks to him in the firing range, comparing their relationship to a metaphor she'd learned of in one of her Sayoc classes. Her frozen lake…the one thing she wants more than anything in the world; the one thing she'd do utterly anything to have.

It's him. It's them.

And hours later, Kensi finally decides to go for it.

Maybe there's a way across the ice after all.

(And even if it breaks, they both can swim.)”

JESS GIMME STORIES FOREVER BECAUSE YOU’RE THE BEST AND I HATE YOU SOMETHING FOR IT BUT NOT RN SO GIMME MORE

I'm absolutely in love with this fic. It's so well-written and fluffy and just, ugh. The feels

Completely unrelated but not quite, but this damn him line makes me think of an unreleased Lana del Rey’s song called Damn You that doesn’t feature on any album but that’s actually really great and that you should get for me because I don’t know how to do the thing to get the sound from a YT video. :) I mean, I tried to buy it on iTunes, but it doesn’t exist!

“Damn him, she thinks. It terrifies her, really, but those aren't words that Kensi Blye can articulate. She recalls all too plainly the ache that had consumed her for over a year after Jack just disappeared from her bed; he was supposed to be in love with her. He was supposed to want to spend the rest of his life with her, and how easy it had been simply to walk away from her. She can't face that pain again.

But…more than that, she realizes that what she really can't face is losing Deeks. Such an integral part of her life he's become; it's almost as if their lives have woven together, almost as if they're both halves of one complete whole and to break that…Kensi shudders involuntarily. To lose him would destroy her.” BUT GODDAMNIT STOP COMPARING WHAT’S NOT COMPARABLE. Jack suffered from PTSD. Jack came back from a war that changed him forever. You tried your best, but he didn’t find his solace in you. He was damaged. He was hurt. He left, true. It hurt, true. But Deeks is not Jack. True, he suffered from PTSD too. He pushed you away. But he did let you in eventually. This is the major difference. So believe him when he says he’s not Jack. Believe him when he says he would never voluntarily leave you. Because he won’t. As long as he gets a say in it, he’ll be with you. As my great love Steve Rogers, aka Captain Amazing Butt, would say: “I’ll be with you ‘til the end of the line.”

"What do we do if this…if this just blows up in our faces?" Come on, now. It could blow on her face, but if it reached his too, I’d be worried about his genitals and I’d suggest going to the doctor. ALSO, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE BULLSHIT WHAT IFS QUESTIONS, KIKI?

Quoting this entire part because my Marty is so perf and I cannot. Like, how can she resist when his love for her is so obvious, and his certainty unwavering? Explain this to me.

“"And what if it doesn't?" There's no question by the look in his blue eyes – he wants this more than anything. "See, that's the thing, Kens," he continues quietly. "Everything has consequences…but they don't always have to be bad." His words linger in the air between them as he reaches out, brushing just a fingertip along her forearm. "Some things turn out really, really good." He pauses, smiling softly as he recalls the sight of her, sound asleep in his bed not so long ago. "You're still here, Kens. That means part of you thinks this can work."

Kensi says nothing, and Deeks sighs, watching her dark eyes swirl with anxiety. "Talk to me, Kens," he presses gently. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" What's your worst-case scenario? What is it exactly that's telling you no?"

That's something she can't say, no matter how desperately she wants to. Deeks, knowing her better than anyone, senses this and doesn't wait, doesn't force her to reply. "Think about that," he whispers. "And then, think about us. Is the tiny risk that something bad might happen really enough to give up on something that could be amazing? Is it really enough to give up without even trying?"” Come on, Kens. That’s the beauty of the story. Everything is fleeting in the grand scheme of things, and you need to ask yourself if happiness is worth the eventual pain that may never come. And who cares if you’re not happy forever, as long as you’re happy now? Just take a leap of faith, gurl.

“She rolls her eyes, frustrated. "It's – it's more complicated than that, Deeks."

He's not having any of that. "It's not. It's really not."

"Then why does it feel so complicated?"” GO AWAY AVRIL LAVIGNE

“Deeks smiles slightly. "Because you're Kensi Blye," he quips. And you're trying to rationalize everything." Reaching out, he lays his palms on her arms, letting his thumbs dip just beneath the sleeves of her shirt – his shirt. "So stop that," he teases. "Stop that, and tell me what you're feeling, Kens. Not what you're thinking. Not what you think you should be feeling." With that, he lifts a hand to her face, tucking a wavy, loose tendril of hair behind her ear – God, he can't deny the spark of desire he feels, knowing why her hair is so tousled. "Tell me what you're feeling, right now," he repeats, his voice a smooth, velvety caress. "Tell me what you felt last night."” TELL ME HOW YOU CAN STAY CALM WITH A MAN WHO’S SO SWEET AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME?

“Brow furrowed, she tries to turn away from him - this is exactly what she can't do. How can she look him in the eye and verbalize what he's somehow managed to do to her,” THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SELENA GOMEZ SONG. “when she can't even explain it to herself? How is she supposed to tell him that even now, just the slightest brush of his fingertips along her cheek is enough to spark something deep inside of her, a deep desire that's so, so much more than just lust.

How can she stand here with him and try to admit something that she's always associated with a weakness she refuses to show? The last time she felt a fraction of this, she'd jumped headfirst into something she'd truly believed would last until her dying day. Jack had said all the pretty words; he'd made her feel special, beautiful, loved. And then in the blink of an eye, it all came down in shambles around her and Kensi had never truly been able to pick up all the pieces again. It had nearly killed her - the pain, the denial, the shards of hope that twisted brutally in her heart, leaving behind the kind of scars that can be hidden, but never really truly disappear.” OH STFU ABOUT JACK. Jack meant the pretty words. Because he left doesn’t mean he stopped loving you. There is this love quote I really love that says, “Because I haven’t been around doesn’t mean I stopped loving you.” And it’s true. Sometimes life gets in the way, and people are pulled apart, but it doesn’t mean that the love they feel for each other stops. It’s just that sometimes love is not enough to overcome everything. Doesn’t make it any less real or sincere.

My favorite love is the “until you” kind of love. Like, these people, they have friends, they can date too, but they only know real love again until they meet that one person that helps them forget and overcome that one thing that hurt them in the past. Until you is my favorite I love you. “It's the reason why she'd never really let anyone get close to her again, not like that. She's always been able to push everyone else away with only minor casualties…until him. Until Marty Deeks, and the harder she tries to keep him at arm's length, the more he manages to sneak his way inside her walls, into her heart and it's frustrating, so frustrating because she has no control over any of it.”

QUOTING AGAIN FOR REASONS (including, my eyes are sweating so I can’t see or articulate anything)

“She squeezes her eyes shut as the emotion begins to consume her – anger, frustration, irritation…want, desire, lust, desperation…love… It's too much too fast, and she feels seconds away from the breaking point as she thinks back to the very first day she'd met him and back then, she would have never imagined that her defenses wouldn't be strong enough for him.

She was never supposed to feel this way for him.

She wasn't supposed to feel like her life would be empty if he was no longer in it.

She wasn't supposed to fall in love with him.

And yet…

"Damn you," she breathes, hands clenching roughly into shaky fists. "Damn you, Marty…"

He's unperturbed. If anything, there's an urgency in his voice as he questions her. "For what?" His eyes dart to her hands, and easily, gently, his own fingers wrap around her wrists. Deeks can feel her pulse, pounding against her skin, against his skin. "For what, Kensi?" he repeats.

"Deeks…"

"Say it," he pleads. The tension in her body builds; she's coiled like a spring beneath his touch, his gaze. It's there; he can sense it and he lets out a deep breath, drawing back the memory of similar words she'd demanded of him what seems like an eternity ago. "Say what you mean, Kensi."” SAY IT! I LOVE YOU AND I WANNA CARRY YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABIES PLEASE MAKE LOVE TO ME UNTIL THE END OF TIME. Easy, no?

“She knows what he's asking of her – and God, she feels exactly what it is that he wants her to say. She feels it in spades, pulsing through her like an electric heat, sparks bursting through every fiber of her being, across every patch of skin thoroughly explored by fingertips and lips the night before.” That is basically the description of an orgasm. But, oh well, orgasms do lead to secreting that love molecule!