You cliff hanging mother fuck I was getting so into it its such a shame when a good stories dies

why would he ask for some weak regen like that, should have just asked for some healing talent so that he could heal naruto and shit. Other than that I found the chapter to be a fun read. good job.

Great story pls update

wonderful story i hope you pick it up again

I enjoyed this story. Thank you _

update update update plese really good story and i want miore please

So he died then, since you left the story...

Level 3, Chunin level Chakra, can do Kage Bunshin, can stand against an Elite Jonin of any kind, all in two months... Also Chakra control and reserve are at levels 2 and 3...

Why? Seriously, why?

I get the whole wishfulfilment deal, I get giving a shit ton of awesome skills and powers to the character but... Come on dude. That totally breaks the immersion.

Why aren't skills reaching 100?

Kage Bunshin is a technique not even Kage do normally, Naruto has monsterous Chakra regeneration and reserves to deal with pushing a thousand clones everyday. Chakra regenerates very slowly on normal people, as in Kakashi needed a week of no training to regain his Chakra and heal from his injuries. If Naruto was in his place he would be fine just hours later due to Kyuubi HP and MP regeneration.

Also his real age is 17 and he is flirting with Ayame, who is probably not older than 12... That is weird. Not a whole lot but still weird, in reality he should have said: 'I prefer older women' rather than admonishing Teuchi for not being protective enough.

Sigh... Last thing this chapter: Hinata shutters because of self confidence issues, which stem from Hiashi having her fight her sister, whom she refuses to fight seriously against. Hiashi makes them fight each other and grows harsh on Hinata after his brother gets killed to stop another war from popping out. In his mind if Hinata had screamed, or done anything other than being a scared little girl then his brother would have lived, he also blames himself because he feels guilty about Hizashi's death, Neji getting caged, and Hizashi died because he killed the Kumo ninja rather than disabling him like the Gentle Fist is so easily capable of.

CRRRRIIIIINGGGEEEE! Oh god it gives me physical and spiritual pain!

Now, the first thing you need to remember when writing a story is to keep characters in character, and Naruto was a cry baby, he trusted too easily, like Sarutobi did. And this is ignoring the fact that a ninja can read minute details and lives a life of lies and betrayal so they would have known that Baron is lying.

Second is don't make a pity party, I would have liked it if you wrote a selfish reason for your MC to tell them of his 'sad' past but so far we don't know him, all we know is that he is just some idiot that wants to help Naruto and has Gamer ability. If I were you I would have made it so that Baron is in the Orphanage and gets adopted, that kind of shit NEVER happens in Naruto fics.

Third is, don't write how people feel too much. Just. Don't. Someone you like gets attacked? You feel angry and sad, that is obvious you don't need to write it. Also you skip the explanations and reports ANBU make, don't do that, if you do that unless you imagine the report to be too long like telling the backgrounds of the characters and why and how the events happened and the effects of the event.

Think of it like this: Why did the villagers attack Naruto? Because it is the anniversary of Kyuubi's sealing and the death of their loved ones people are blaming Naruto for that because they think Naruto is Kyuubi, people drink to remember their lost ones and sorrows, people do stupid things when drunk. Someone saw Naruto and started chasing him, others joined until whole village was after Naruto. Naruto is saved by an unknown boy, they switch coats and the drunks don't realize the difference and beat the unknown kid. Unknown kid is in the hospital, taken there by ANBU.
And things like that! It is simple but it has so many details.

Fourth isn't really a thing I have a problem with as every new writer does it, when you think a chapter is short think on rewording the sentences to make them more effective, detailed, dramatic and etc. If you don't know words or think a words doesn't fit there, or if you used that word too many times then open an online translator and look at the words you are trying to say for example: Naruto left through the window Naruto jumped from the window Naruto used the ninja exit, the window Naruto walked out the window Naruto went through the window...

Also if you had made Baron look at Naruto and feel pity and then act like a big brother because he thinks it is adults' job to protect the lives of children then I would have liked that scene better than Baron protecting Naruto because it is wrong to beat kids. That doesn't give personality to Baron, it is just common sense and knowledge, you need to think on Baron's personality first before writing a story with him as the main character.

Would Baron laugh when someone falls? Would Baron punch a woman or slap them or never lift a hand to them? Would Baron prefer to stay in doors or go out? Would Baron pick fame or fortune? Would Baron kill? What does Baron look like? What kind of colors Baron would like on his clothing? What kind of fighter is Baron?(ranged, usually used thrown weapon or bow or something, mid range, jutsu and chain or whip type weapons, close range, maybe with some jutsu but mostly taijutsu or weapons)
What kind of girl Baron would like? List personality traits and physical appearance traits.

These little questions make Baron as a character in your mind, and by being able to answer these kinds of questions without a second thought you make sure that Baron is as fleshed out as possible so far. If the answers are bland, lacking in personality, then your character fails as a character and making them fun to read will be harder than normal.

Fifth grammar isn't that important, sure there are problems but not THAT bad so focus on the previous points than grammar.

wtf 1st two chapters were decent then third chapter the grammer goes to shit and its like im reading something a 3rd grader wrote. WTF Dude...

Please write more you cant stop now i want to know what happens to Baron with shisui's blood and kurama's chakra

I wanted to know what happen to Devin

Great story and use of the gamer elements. They way you put in the elements to make him stronger are a great twist in the end. PLZ UPDATE IT.

Nope nope nope NNNOOOPPEEEE another story where the main character a martyr become dog of kami che! not interested anymore the thing that i like to character is that he doesn't take shit to anybody so the story is great it's just not my style im out..

Great his personality is like another Shirou emiya wannabe hero then there's kami i hope he's not manipulative b*tch