Nicely done. It felt like an episode. I am surprised the most of the pros who reviewed on here even watched the show...it had errors too. It was callled dramatization...as in...fiction...as in entertainment. Though I write in several fandoms, and am a long-time fan of Adam-12, there are a few fandoms I won't touch. This would be one of them. And I have LEOs in my own family.

I'm really enjoying your writing about Adam 12. Keep up the good work!

This is awesome.

Good Story. The relationship between Jim and Pete matured from senior officer/rookie to that of brothers in a short time. This story shows that bond quite nicely.

Robert

The story itself wasn't bad, although it's doubtful that if Pete and Jim were working undercover, they'd leave their food or drink unattended, just for the reason the story explores. They're seasoned cops, not rookies, and leaving your food or drink unattended during undercover work is a rookie mistake that I can't see either of them making. This also feels really rushed, with a lot of loose ends that aren't tied off very well.

I firmly believe in supporting writers, especially those in small fandoms such as this one, but I also firmly believe that praise is earned through hard work and effort, not because someone simply "showed up" and posted a story. The few writers who have earned my praise have rightfully done so by committing to offer up high quality stories, time and time again. They do the research necessary to ensure factual portrayals and they also take the time to flesh out their plots and characters, rather than posting up a story that obviously suffers from the writer's rush to finish it and post it.

I can't speak for any other law enforcement oriented reviewer who has posted comments in this fandom, but I wasn't aware that if those of us who are in that career point out procedural mistakes those writers who are not in law enforcement have made, that is being "harsh." Perhaps it was wrong of me to presumptiously assume that writers would appreciate knowing those errors so they wouldn't make them again. If that is the case, I sincerely apologize and will confine my support from here on out to those authors who truly appreciate constructive criticism and value honest feedback as a means of learning how to improve their stories.

I wasn't sure if I was going to like this story... the ALL-CAPS SHOUTY title made me wonder if the SPaG was going to be awful, but it wasn't, and the story was good :)

I did notice you head-hop between Pete and Jim a few times in the piece, trying to show what each man is thinking. For narrative purposes, I think it's cleaner storytelling to stick with one character's head, and leave the others to tell their emotions through their appearance, gestures, words, etc.

Bromantic ending! Squee!

I almost feel as if this could be a three-shot or even a multichapter, to explain exactly how Jim got into this predicament rather than starting in media res and working your way backwards.

Thank you for writing x

First of all, I would like to go on record stating that I liked this story. It was creative, suspenseful, and drew me into the story. Keep writing!
Want to know why there aren't more stories on this forum? Take a look-see at some of the reviewers. They can be brutal. I have read well published authors who have published novels that sell millions that aren't precisely perfect.

It's fiction. They aren't professionals. Be constructive in your criticism without being nasty.

I think it would be great to hear from those of you that are in, or have served in law enforcement. What great stories you could write! I have thought of it myself.

And, BTW, we commend your service.

Stacy

To the readers complaining about the lack of writers in this fandom, ask yourselves what exactly have you done to support those writers and their efforts at entertaining you? Have you reviewed consistently on the stories you've enjoyed reading or have you figured that the writers OWE you stories to read? Reviews are the only way writers on here get paid for their efforts, which are offered up to us free of charge. Maybe instead of whining about the lack of writers on here, you people should start working to SUPPORT anyone who does post on here. I'm sorry, but this issue really angers me because I see a lot of good writers in this realm getting ignored, then people have the nerve to complain that there's nothing to read on here.

I feel like I need to know more from this story. The writer told us about the resolution but we were not given the conflict or the tension that leads to this ending. For that reason, this story reads empty. What was the undercover assignment? Why was Malloy opposed? How did Reed sway the brass and where did it all go south? I think these questions need to be answered to have the emotional payoff at the end.

I have been away from this site too long. Great story! Your other ones too! I like how Pete took care of Jim, as partners do. I guess I have to disagree with the last reviewer - i think the 'dots' added to the story. It showed that Jim's was muddled, and it showed that Pete was thinking things through and being careful. At least that is my opinion. Don't get discouraged - I like your stories! I hope you continue to write on this site. I wish there were more fiction writers on here!

This sounds similar to the story entitled "Angels We Have Heard While High" by CE Fox over on the Continue Patrol site. In that story, Jim was poisoned when he licked a postage stamp laced with LSD. While drugged, Jim went to the same cliffside where they found the little Indian girl in the "Pilgrimage" episode and Pete had to keep talking to him to keep him from falling off. Here Jim gets drugged when consuming a drink laced with something and Pete has to talk him off of a roof. The bunches of dots (...) that cluttered up the text made it hard to read but what I did read sounded very simple, with not a lot of thought or feeling to it.

FYI, I'm a cop and the first thing you learn when doing UC work is that you NEVER let any food or drink you're consuming out of your sight, even going so far as to watch it being prepped. If you didn't see the food or drink being made and it's been out of your sight for even a few seconds, you don't eat or drink it. My advice would be to learn how to research various aspects of police work because every single one of your "Adam-12" stories has many glaring inaccuracies in them.

You know, I learned something tonight...
A cop's partner is also a cop's best friend, and when things go awry, the partner is there. This new offering from Shirley Jean accentuates that. I'd like to read more from Shirley Jean!

Such an emotionally-charged story! I am so glad to see new writing in this genre! I love Adam-12, and I am glad to see a renewed interest in fiction writing for this wonderful classic show.
I love how Pete and Jim's friendship shines here in such a scary situation. I can picture this scene clearly thanks to your writing - you've captured it quite well. You have quite a way with descriptions and making a reader feel like they are there experiencing what the characters are going through.

This story really pulls the reader in - from the first sentence!
I love the dialogue where Pete is trying to get Jim to recognize his voice and trust him! I think you captured Jim's state of mind very well, and the disjointed words he heard. I like how was the nickname "Junior" that let him know Pete was there, and how he trusted Pete to take care of things.
All in all, very sweet, and a great portrait of the relationship these two officers have. :)