Hello Rose.

The original version of “Before the Sun Sets on the Third Day” was one of my favorites of your stories (I am in this regard similar to Ariel in her choices of favorite human things, she has so many) and I do hope that you still have the original text so that I may ask for a copy out of something like nostalgia. That being said, I have to express my delight in how you have improved on that earlier version of the story. This version has a more polished and complete feel to it, given your maturation as a writer (though I loved it before too, as it came from a perspective very close to Ariel’s age).

Opening with Ariel reflecting purposefully on her second day with Eric, rather than awakening in terror from a nightmare as in the original added a different and more deliberate sense to the new version. Certainly, with everything that had happened between her and Eric that day, she would have been deeply excited. In the movie we just see a glimpse of her through Eric’s eyes, seemingly calm and happy as she runs the dinglehopper through her long hair. She was obviously reflecting on her day as she had the night before, when she had been able to sleep. Now though, the moment of time is also weighing upon her. It was nice how you admitted that she was also, at the same time, quite exhausted by her experiences. Being out in the sun only to later be nearly drowned (well, not really, Eric was right there lifting her out of the lagoon) would have been tiring to be sure.

Carlotta’s attention to her was a nice moment, and you offered an ironic note how Ariel was both the cure and cause of Eric’s melancholy, given her appearance in his life perhaps a month before, at the last full moon, presumably. In an emotion somewhat reminiscent of the previous version, Ariel is now seized with a panic, but out of her realization that her time has grown desperately short. This sense comes across powerfully. It is telling and consistent with the tone of its predecessor that she feels the need to seek comfort.

“It was maddening, sitting idle in the darkness, allowing precious moments to slip by. She wanted to snatch at them, to pull them back, and yet every second mourning their loss saw another escape unchallenged.” That…was a beautiful sentence. Evocative, thoughtful, and desperate. Also, the imagery here, as she looks out her west-facing balcony doors, is beautiful. I found the phrase “shattered moonlight atop its waves” particularly painterly.

That Ariel’s heart immediately yearns for Eric to be the one who might give her comfort, to hold her, expresses how much she already loves and trusts him. Of course, she was this way from the moment she signed her name to Ursula’s contract. She knew that she was in danger from the from the painful and violent transformation, from nearly drowning, from the journey to shore, but she knew that she would be safe once she found Eric, or he found her. That was how much she trusted him. So, her desire to seek him for comfort reaffirms and develops this basic theme between them-complete trust.

I loved your description of how she regarded her surroundings mainly through the perspective of her lack of knowledge and the restrictions of humanly movement. You skillfully remind us of how new and uncertain she is as a human throughout these paragraphs, with her legs trembling and her justifiable fear of the stairs. It was sweet though, and oh so evocative how you described her happiness at having negotiated them on her own.

This story being basically new, Eric’s presence not far below surprised me. Fortunately, Max was there to alert Eric to Ariel’s presence at the balustrade, presumably overlooking the ballroom. Ariel’s simple indication for him to wait was very visual and quite beautiful and sweet. I could see her smiling so clearly.

Ariel’s misfortunes with stairs and good fortune to have Eric nearby is a favorite them of mine. I think that it helps remind us that she is, or has all of her life been, a mermaid, and there are things that humans take for granted that are utterly alien to her, negotiating steps being among these. It also expresses her vulnerability and delicateness, her femininity, as well as Eric’s care and attentiveness toward her. Eric’s willingness to do anything protect her and Ariel’s gratefulness for his care and concern for her are defining aspects of their relationship. I have to wonder how she must have felt, once she first experienced how caring and kind he was to her (i.e., not just to Max and Grim, but to her in particular), from the moment he found her on the beach.

Eric’s innocent worry that he had improperly tried to kiss Ariel in the lagoon was endearing and illuminates his character and honor. Certainly, in those days the expectation is that the man is the one to initiate such romantic gestures and it is the role of the woman to indicate their acceptability, so in truth Eric was guilty of nothing worse than innocent presumption. Thus, it would have been so natural for him to have had to fight that battle, over restraining himself from an innocent kiss. I can only imagine how he must have felt, having Ariel there in the boat across from him, herself the picture of innocence and sublime beauty. You beautifully explained how Ariel felt to him emotionally, how her ebullience affected him, and how her reality quickly overcame the shadow of the voice his presumed savior that had been haunting him.

Again, the stairs, and Eric’s protectiveness, now with them together. I loved how she hesitated, coming to their precipice and how Eric offered her his arm. Touch is one of the most powerful ways that we, as humans, express love to another. In pictures of them together in the books that take place after their marriage (the art is surprisingly good in many cases), Eric is almost always shown supporting or touching Ariel in a reassuring way, always wanting to be there for her. She always seems to be very happy for this.

What follows is a powerful moment. This is, perhaps, Ariel’s second night ever spent away from her family, the first having passed swiftly through her utter exhaustion perhaps. Eric, of course, misreads her tears for a different sort of sorrow, though one not too different … loss and loneliness, fear perhaps.

Just as Eric’s desire and readiness to offer Ariel comfort is so endearing, so is her desire and willingness to seek comfort from him. This is part of what makes them such a compelling couple, this sense that they naturally and transcendently belong to each other, this resulting in the instantaneous trust and bond that they feel and share, the bond of true love, of course. His attempted apology for trying to kiss her was innocent and moving, as was her desperate attempt to reassure him that it was not only alright, but something that she deeply desired.

One of the many beauties of the movie was that even with Ariel mute, we (and Eric) find that she can communicate wonderfully (if somewhat confusingly at times). She is best when expressing her feelings through body language. Unfortunately, we never see this sort of scene in the movie, save perhaps when she offers a beautiful little wave of the fingers to Eric from her balcony. Here in “Before the Sun Sets…,” her thoughtfulness and emotional depth, her empathy, is on full display, and in it you offer us one of the best displays of Ariel’s heart that I have read. Her gesture, of putting her hand to Eric’s heart, and then placing his hand over hers, was simply breathtaking. I had forgotten how much this had moved me when you first published this story. I cannot think of a more beautiful and innocent way for a voiceless girl to say, that she wishes for your love, because … she loves you. Even those beautiful words seem less heartfelt than her lovely gesture of adoration.

It was this Ariel I wish to invoke in those moments with Eric, like when they are together in the carriage in Juletrae, when she forgets to speak. She is beautiful to imagine, expressing herself thus, not speaking with words, but instead with the spontaneous and sometimes very thoughtful moments of her eyes, hear, limbs and hands, even her whole body. I sometimes think that she would enjoy the graceful exercise of such body language, especially since Eric would also be delighted by it. Ironically, in Poor Unfortunate Souls,” Ursula wasn’t lying, not a bit, instead she was just selectively exaggerating.

And this, this leads to their embrace, Eric’s certainty that she is the One. Not anyone else, not some phantom rescuer, but her, Ariel. It was … a beautiful kiss. Innocent, sweet, total, and everything that the kiss of true love should be.

And we find then that while she might have overcome Ursula’s challenge, that this did not restore her voice.

“Ariel. I love you, voice or not.”

And this, is why Eric is by far, without rival, my favorite Disney prince, really my favorite literary prince. Not just for these wonderful words, but because his whole character substantiates them, his every action in the movie, series, books, and best stories. He loves Ariel wholeheartedly, unreservedly. Ariel’s thoughts, however, were heartbreaking. It is particularly important how her thoughts display the earnestness of what she said to Eric in the movie as soon as she regained her voice, that she wanted to tell him. This is because it establishes her sincerity and honesty. Coupled with her fears that she will now never be able to fully express her feelings for him, this could have been a very different story, and a somewhat sadder one.

Unfortunately (or fortunately regarding her voice), there is rather large problem, and one that I did not expect given the prior version. Vanessa. Apparently, Ursula is more than happy to do anything to force Ariel’s assistance in gaining the Trident. This is, very consistent with the theme of the movie and Ursula’s character and a very likely action on the Sea Witch’s part. Her stolen (or restored) beauty hasn’t improved her tact, however. Her directness about her being Eric’s rescuer betrays her malign intentions.

Ariel’s recognition of her own voice and the identity of its present owner was quite evocative. As Vanessa spoke to Ariel, I tried to imagine these lines spoken by Jodi Benson, in the voice she used for Vanessa (we hear it only a little). If you want to realize how truly chilling this scene is, imagine Jodi Benson voicing these lines as Vanessa speaks to Ariel, albeit a more menacingly than Ariel has ever spoken:
“He won’t move, not unless I tell him of course.”
“My dear sweet child, why the long face? You won, you have what you signed for. To have your humanity made permanent, I seem to recall. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Now, what to do with him?”
… and so forth.

This develops what I think is the key theme of the Little Mermaid, and one that is much maligned—the relationship of Ariel’s love of Eric for the love of the human world. Some malign the idea that Ariel surrendered her existence as a mermaid princess and her prior life for … a man. Others maintain that her interest in the human world was her primary concern and that her interest in Eric was a means to achieving this end, and that any attendant “love” was simply infatuation. I think that this says more about those advancing those opinions than the reality, which is that Ariel was fascinated by the human world because her true love Eric resided therein, and was awaiting her there, though she couldn’t have consciously known this. The intertwining of their fates drew her to the land, to him, and him to the sea, to her. And it goes deeper than that … an eternity deeper.

We see that here, as Ursula threatens to compel Eric to walk to a drowning doom in the sea. Ariel could care less about now being human, about enjoying the human world, not if Eric must die. And this is also where her inner heroine comes out most strongly. Ariel is unique in that, despite her delicate frame and diminutive size, she would do anything to protect Eric, just as Eric would for her, even at the risk of her own life (which is how this story got started, anyway). Now, no decent man would want his love to actually gravely risk her life for him, not if he really loves her (I wouldn’t want her to at least) but I think that he would want to know that she would. No man wants to be thought of as disposable.

You engage in a nice parallel to the movie’s climax here, with events playing our roughly the same, save that like in the stage show, Ariel dashes the seashell against a nearby rock liberating her voice and breaking the spell on Eric.

In the stage show, when Ursula comes to enforce the terms of the bargain that Ariel has lost, Ariel simply seizes the shell and crushes it, without justification. Ursula didn’t cheat, she didn’t rig the singing contest, she did nothing wrong save to have her eels flip the rowboat and to entrap Ariel with her own impetuousness. All that Ursula did was claim her, and that was in accordance with the deal. That ending thus seems not only contrived, but it diminishes Ariel’s virtuous character, specifically her honoring of her agreement, as poor thought though as it was.

What makes this so much better than the show is that herein, Ariel is not essentially “cheating.” Ursula has lost but is now using Ariel’s own voice to threaten Eric with drowning. Vanessa never manages to complete the thought. Presumably, her end game here would have been to somehow force Ariel to cause the Trident to be delivered to her by Triton in exchange for Eric’s life. More likely, she would have tempted Ariel to exchange herself for Eric, as Triton’s youngest daughter (even as a new human) would have made a far more potent bargaining chip than a human, no matter how much Ariel professed to love him.

You follow this climax with an absolutely beautiful ending. Your timing with the interplay of their words to each other and your crafting of those words is really quite beautiful. Ariel’s assurances to Eric that she will explain everything and his bewilderment at what has happened provide a depth and promise of fulfillment that none of the canonical materials have offered. Ariel is simultaneously wrestling with her guilt, happiness, and worry about the future, though she trusts, knows really, that Eric will understand, and that he will accept her. Their concluding sentences as Ariel casts a final glance (for now) back out to sea were exceptional in this regard, presaging the conversation that we know must shortly follow. Again, you show us almost simultaneously Eric’s compassion and care for Ariel, “Your ship?” followed by her gentle considerateness for him, for the monumental revelation she is about to make to him, “My home.”

This story took twice as long to review as it should have because I kept re-reading and enjoying it. This was also true of the next story of yours that I will catch up on with my reviews, chapter 2 of “Broken Strings.” Until then, thank you for such a wonderful, beautiful story, Rose, and I do hope that I can catch up to all that I have missed. Hopefully, this admittedly long review will suffice to express both my admiration and sincere thanks for the beauty that you bring into the world with your writing … and otherwise.

-Axantur

Wonderful! Loved it!

Wow that was awesome. You are so talented

Nice. I would really like to see this animated if someone could. That would make a great "what if" short film.

Dang! This is soo good! I am looking forward to the next chapter!

I don't remember the original version of this story, but I can tell you that this one is very well written. I always love your stories. You wrote Ariel and Eric very well, as always. I found each to be very sweet in this story in their own way, and I adored how they finally managed to kiss and admit their feelings, along with defeating Ursula. That part was very unique and I enjoyed reading that as well.

-Blue

Love this story

I love this!

Ye-heah! SUCK IT, SEA WITCH! Ariel beat you at your own game!

That was a really cute story! :)

Pure Perfection

Amazing, beautiful, stunning
Love it

cutest thing i've read in ages! really well written, great idea, and i hope you write more about these love birds! :)

Awww! So sweet! More?

Awesome! This is great I love this couple!