Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
Watson Family Planning Department.

Except for Tom, the family was all watching TV in silence. :D

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"It really can't, sir."

The black dog sees the white cat. ;)

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"Yeah." Matthew shrank back against the back of his chair. "We –"

Teachers shouldn't fall back on their authority. T-T

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"So they've finally set a date?"

Her life is full of pain. T_T

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Now onto the actual review:
"It was the fall that killed her. And, um. They found signs of recent sexual activity."

We would not miss u. T_T

I was distracted by that red herring you threw with a certain character a few chapters back. Well done story.

I have to tell you...I am so captivated by this series that I can't stop reading. I'm sorry I'm not reviewing as I go, but I don't want to stop that long. Your character portrayals are spot on and your skill with cliff hangers is just wicked. ;)

You know i wondered if there'd ever be repurcussions of John shooting the cabby, and i think this is a great reimagining of what could have happened. Nice to see John get some epic moments too!

Well, this was certainly an exciting end to this tale. I don't know if it was that I did suspect who it was, but I'm also not surprised by it. Then again, with any good mystery, nothing would surprise me anyway since the unexpected is always to be expected. I am glad you pulled in "A Study in Pink" for this one, since it was one of the few episodes I did see, so that kept me from being totally fandom-blind. I think the only thing I would critique is the motivations of the killers. I mean, their motivation for going after John is wonderful, and you really pulled that all together well. The reasons for killing the others didn't seem to line up nearly as well though. I mean, I get the idea that "they knew too much," but it doesn't feel as strong. Then again, in mystery series, involving serial killers, this is usually the case where the last victim is the one who really matters and all the others are just means to an end. So, in that sense, it did feel like a typical murder mystery. I don't know, I'm just rambling my own thoughts at this point. However, this was a fun story to read, and from what little I do remember of the show, feels true to the material. I enjoy a good mystery, and that's just what this was.

Best,
Zad
Critics United

I think I'm just going to have to forego my typical reviewing style, which is a good thing in your case. It means, you really don't need my line notes or general notes per chapter. What I particularly like about this story is your pacing. You give just enough to make the reader feel as if we're getting closer to the answers, and then just when we're craving that information, you cut us off by ending the chapter. That's well-done in the world of mystery writing. Another aspect I like is the scene breaks. You go from one emotional atmosphere and tone straight to another. At first, it seems kind of abrupt and jarring, but in this series, that works, and feels like the actual show, or at least what I can remember of it. In terms of character development, I feel like I'm getting a good read on all the characters. I probably know the least about Molly, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Focus needs to remain on the key players in the story. I look forward to reading the conclusion within the next week.

Happy Holidays!
Zad
Critics United

Chapter 6
General Notes: Again, I can’t offer much in the way of line notes because it’s well-written. Plot wise, things are moving along nicely, and you have kept my interest as a lover of mystery. Nice little twist at the end, though I was kind of suspecting it.

Chapter 7
General Notes: Still great, can’t complain. I do have one question. While it has been forever since I’ve seen the show, I have read the original stories. One of the key defining features of Sherlock was his ability to hide in plain sight by taking on the guises of the common man, thereby going unnoticed by the rest of the world. I can’t remember. Is that something they ever touched on in the show? Just a weird thought all of a sudden.

Line Notes: whether Harry was on or of it,
(Typo: off)

Chapter 8
General Notes: I do like a little of Watson doing some of the detective work. It creates not only a good contrast, but also makes the story feel a little fresh and new after seven previous chapters of Sherlock doing most of the thinking.

Line Notes: “You’re the connection,” Sherlock continued. “Between the two victims.”
(Unless this is more British punctuation, this would read as one sentence without the dialogue tag. Thus, you would have a comma, not a period, after “continued” and then make “between” lowercase.)

Chapter 9
General Notes: Again, nothing to say in the way of line notes. I’m enjoying the back and forth between the case and Lestrade’s emotional situation throughout the case. Gives the story a nice balance. Same thing with having these few chapters without Sherlock’s presence.

Chapter 10
General Notes: Let’s just ignore everything I’ve said for the past four chapters. Let me just say, I find the differing perspectives very nice. And it’s not too overdone or written in a way where the author tells me, “This is so and so’s POV.” God, if I ever read that again… Anyway, things are progressing along nicely, and I’m eager to keep reading.

Best,
Zad
Critics United

I've found that the best way to go about these sorts of reviews is to go chapter by chapter, providing general notes for the chapter, followed by actual line notes. You, however, have an excellent grasp of grammar, so your line notes are few and far between. Anyway, on with the review.

Chapter 1
General Notes: I have to admit, it’s a little hard picking this back up after having only seen the first season. A lot of characters to put back together, you know? However, despite the slow start (and I blame myself for that), it started to pick back up and I was able to follow along well. I think you nailed Sherlock’s sense of superiority and his dialogue well. Made it feel just as funny as watching the show some six or so years ago. My only main concern, and I’m no expert to really call you on it, is going to be the medical notes and explanations you offer. Have you done your research? Not really a criticism, but just curious because eventually, you will get readers who know there stuff and will call you on those kinds of things if you’re not careful. I’m having the same problem in some of my original writing, and I have to do a lot of legal research, so thought I’d check with you on this. Otherwise, this is a great start.

Line Notes: he was “like Sherlock”.
(When using quotations, even in the sense of using them for phrasing, like above, or sarcasm, all punctuation that is at the end of the sentence or phrase still stays in the quotation. So, the period needs to be within the quotation marks.)

She should have died hearafter
(Unless there is more to the sentence and the killer is only giving a partial phrase, shouldn’t we have a period at the end of this?)

Donovan’s tone had drifted to the slightly more pleasant toward Sherlock Holmes…
(Something about the wording of this seems off, but I’m not sure what. Perhaps it is having “to” and “toward” together the way they are that’s making this a little clunky. However, what do I know? I think you’d be better off asking someone like StopTalkingAtMe or Igenlode Wordsmith. They’re great at helping me with grammar stuff like this.)

EVICTION NOTICE…
(Aww, this was just so darn adorable.)

“Sir,” he hesitated. “Can I just say something?”
(First, if we were seeing this phrase in normal conversation, it would read: “Sir, can I just say something?” So, it should be a comma not a period after “hesitated” and make “can” lowercase. Also, hesitated is not really a dialogue verb, so I wouldn’t treat it as one. If it were me, I would change it to: He hesitated before saying, “Sir, can I just say something?” or something to that effect.

Chapter 2
General: A really well-done chapter over all, and I really don’t have any line notes for this, just a question. I think the only thing that is kind of confusing me (again, fandom-blindness) is keeping track of who’s who in the Lestrade household. Would it be possible for you to send me a quick character bible via PM?

Line Notes: would involve reading so much poetry?
(Maybe this is a stupid question, but is it really poetry? I mean, I know Shakespeare wrote poetry, and his plays are written poetically, but would it really be called poetry? This isn’t me criticizing, so much as just wondering aloud.)

Chapter 3
General: Lots of good build up for a mystery. I’ve tried writing mystery myself, and it was a disaster. You’re definitely doing well in giving only just enough information to make us want to keep hitting the next button.

Line Notes: had a name for those reports: Agatha Christies.
(I’m a huge fan of Dame Agatha Christie, but I fail to see the similarity here. If this is a canon thing, whatever, but why would a situation like that be called an Agatha Christie? Just doesn’t make sense after all the work of hers I’ve read.)

she was sixteen, wasn’t she?”
So, sixteen is the legal age of consent in the UK? Hmm, didn’t know that. Learn something new every day, I suppose.

Chapter 4: No line notes for this one. In general, since I only remember Sherlock from the show, I’d say you have the personality nailed down well. I can’t honestly judge the other characters in terms of how in character they are. That being said, they do feel like believable people, even if I don’t remember how they are in the show.

Chapter 5
General: The first three chapters confuse me a little. What function do they play into the story? I’m not saying everything has to relate directly to the main plot (i.e. the murder), but I’m of the belief that when you take the time to go into the minds of characters, it should have a purpose, but that’s just me. As to the rest of it, it was an interesting turn with Anderson agreeing to help them. Also, the murders themselves, and the Shakespearean lines, they really make me want to know more about the killer’s motives.

Line Notes: “Actually, Sherlock,” John said, “I’m surprised Peters didn’t hit you harder for that one.”
(I could easily visualize this one, and had a good laugh.)

I look forward to reading the rest of this story.

Best,
Zad
Critics United

Now I'm beginning to see why Greg likes Sherlock, despite his sometimes arrogant and rude remarks. a) Sherlock reminds him of Matthew in some ways and b) he sees right through Sherlock's "high functioning sociopath" facade. And now some of the other officers at the Met see it too. Sherlock does care, especially when someone close to him is in danger or hurting. And he likes Charlie a lot more than he lets on. ;) At least now they know how Sherlock felt when he faked his death. He did it to save the lives of those he cares about. Greg had to do the same, even if it was only for afew hours. Reading on ...

Just what I was hoping the detective would be named. I love it!

The danger's over, but this complex story still has qa lot to wrap up. I love this euphemism for Caitlin's mental state: ["...She looks like she's away with the fairies..."] (I have a schizophrenic friend who, in the middle of an episode, asked his wife happily, "Were you out running with the unicorns?") So much of Caitlin and Edward's activities has been unraveled and presented by various of our heroes that it's a good choice to present the situation of a suspect about to be questioned but to present it differently with side conversations while they're waiting for one of the interrogators. Mother Karen is an interesting contrast to her children. The effect of her husband's strange, mean, controlling behavior was probably greater than she's admitted to herself; she apparently cut hr children large swathes of slack instead of attending to whatever strange behavior they were exhibiting.

Lestrade's uncomfortable conversation with his son, comforting him again over Celeste and exquisitely awkward over acknowledging they'd had sex, and poking around about his ex-wife's new beau-it's all very recognizable. Matthew's embarrassment at hearing anything relating to his dad and sex-even though Lestrade meant the anecdote to be helpful sharing-is something I've experienced with my kids.

And then the end of the scene is priceless. I'd forgotten about Lestrade's false story of being dead. His seeing his mother and ex-wife brought it back and made me grin: [With another pained glance at Matthew, he got to his feet. It looked as if both of them had some explaining to do.]

Wow. Sherlock has really stepped up-not just inviting the Watson's to stay while their house is a crime scene but even fetching their cats. This is sweet of John: [Obviously Molly and her lifelong habit of talking in her sleep, but John motioned for Sherlock to be quiet while he listened. Finally he released a breath.]

Oh, so sad John's nervous about Molly expecting twins and apparent feeling that he was irresponsible. I love Sherlock's droll comment: ["Enlighten me," Sherlock said innocently. "Is it medically possible to conceive twins on purpose, outside of a test tube?"] It's Sherlock's turn to understand a situation and try to rattle John into acting reasonable: [Sherlock stared at him. "You're a war veteran," he said. "Used to being captured at gunpoint. You just swallowed poison without even flinching. And you're scared of having three children?"] And then John doesn't accept it. Sigh. But Sherlock counters with an even better offer, that the Watsons stay long term while they sell their house and get a larger one.

And nice segue to a new case (and the next installment) plus a hint of new relationship drama with Sherlock and his half-sister.

This is great BBC and Edhla canon: [John did shut up, sipping at his tea for a couple of minutes while Sherlock pulled out the phone that had saved both of them from many an awkward conversation] And this is all the various canons: ["Don't be ridiculous." Sherlock threw his phone restlessly aside and glanced at the Stradivarius, visibly flinching as he apparently realised he couldn't play it all night with a house full of guests.] though the thought annoying others never stopped him before. I love all the bro stuff as the story winds up: ["Is this the bit where we hug, or something?" Sherlock eventually asked. John appeared to give this some serious thought. "Um. Let's just go with a handshake, yeah?" Sherlock got up and obliged - offering, by way of a bonus, an awkward slap to John's shoulder at the last second. ] Then one of those great allusions to a side mystery we'll never know (ACD threw in many of these): [...And stay out of the top two drawers in the wardrobe." "I don't even want to know." John sighed. "Goodnight, Sherlock."] And finally Edhla canon with the Watsons: [John had to come up with a spur-of-the-moment excuse when, the following morning, Molly asked, "I heard you and Sherlock laughing just before you came to bed. What was that all about? Some man-thing I wouldn't understand, I suppose!"]

All in all, this was a complex, satisfying story.