I really really tried to read this because I like the way you decided to portray Harry and Hermiones relationship but it honestly makes no sense. I love books that go out of order but with this one there are no dates so you can't tell what is happening when. First they have kids, then they are bonded for life, then they can't touch each other, then they have been intimate with each other, then they decided not to be intimate until they turned 18. It just makes no sense. Also, they keep saying that Ron is dead and Harry was raped but there is no Explanation as to how any of this happened. I understand that you may go into detail about it later because of how much you skip around but then that would make the chapters where they can't be intimate with each other make no sense because no one would understand what is going on. I think this could be a great fix but you either have to put dates when you change times or put everything in order because the skipping around just doesn't make any sense. Hope you think about this because I would love to read it if you did.

I'm sorry, I'm confused- in chapter 6 of Lies, Professor Umbridge notes that it's September, 1996 when performing the autopsies of the vampires. But the report of the Lich attacks for the Minister is dated December, 1997? Also, for Epine's portion of the story at the end of chapter 9, she's in the Welsh countryside at the beginning, but in the Irish countryside at the end of that same portion?

The best thing would have been to turn Daphne into a Revenant. It’s in times like these that I pine for AUs in which Harry IS the necromancer.
I’m speaking of fics like “The Dark Witch and the Necromancer” or “Kiki and the Tales of Necromancy”. I may or may not have remembered the title of that second one correctly.
Revenants are creme de la creme of the greater undead and would be a perfect form for the undead Daphne Greengrass.

Honestly! How hard is it to spell the name of a deity from the oldest religion in the world? I’m speaking, of course, of the Hindu goddess Parvati, wife of Shiva.

Why do you constantly misspell Parvati’s name?

Is Victoria Umbridge the same as dolores umbridge? If yes why are their first names different? If no then how are they (if at all) related?

Fantastic

This undead army has been marching for a month and they haven't used guerrilla warfare to thin the numbers at all?

Why do you have only Harry being able to actually see the Thestrals in this chapter, and surprised that they can see it, when both witnessed Ron's death a year prior and would have ridden the carriages multiple times since then.

I loved the previous story. But this one especially in the later chapters has way too much focus on the military part than character evolution. At least in my opinion.
The writing style is as good as always but the story line just lost it's appeal for me.

It's a good story, very good but I sometimes miss consistency, especially in the power levels. You've described Dumbledore as being both the strongest wizards since Merlin, and only a small touch weaker at that, and then in this story you describe him as not even being in the top 5 at Hogwarts? Dumbledore in your story is both described as a magical powerhouse, and basically an old and failing wizard who never was that strong in the first place to begin with? What is is it?

Then you have Harry who at times is described as a magical powerhouse of his own, boosted into increndible magical strength due to the bond. In other times however he's pretty much average in magical power of his own and it's only the bond that boosts him that much. Sometimes Harry (individually) is a lot more powerfull than Hermione is, othertimes they are indivividually about equal in power. (Not counting bond strength).

It seems to me that even though this is a very good series, because it's also a long series there are quite a bit of inconsistencies in it as well.

A large part of it also comes from your introduction of the 'Tyrant Squad', suddenly three minor characters not even mentioned by name appearing that are magically more powerfull than (according to you) the most powerfull wizard since Merlin is just honestly bad for the story.

I would also argue that Voldemort is simply to powerfull in your story to be believable. We know from canon that Dumbledore is the only wizard Voldemort ever feared, even disregarding the OoTP as your series is an AU spinoff before that book that still means they must be roughly in the same league. In your story Voldemort however is what, 10 times or more as powerfull as Dumbledore? Why would he even care about Dumbledore then?

Your story as a whole is very good, I love the way you've written Harry and Hermione (though I will admit there was a part where I was annoyed when your wrote her as faith! Hermione as opposed to logic! Hermione), I love the way you've written Umbridge and Moody but you need to pay attention to your powerlevels. Keep it consistent and believable.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo a blasted # #cliffhanger?!
How could you do that to such a loyal, devoted minion...I mean reader.
Darn now I've gotta leave this wonderous story & go look for the next one so I can retain my wavering sanity.

:))

I just recently found your Deceit series, and I'm loving so far. I have question though. Didn't you make Padma part of the Regiment's Command Squad in an earlier chapter-not Parvati? I even remember the text saying not to tell too much to her sister because the bonded pair feared her sister's 'gossipy' nature. If I'm wrong, meh... Either way, I'm not stopping. Too good.

You really are evil!

Wow!