well I liked where this was going the new one not so much oh well

I have read three of your stories now and I have found each one a great read I have loved everything about each story I am pissed that you have not finished one of them and written nothing in two years but thank you for writing

After reading both versions I kinda prefer the original version in many ways due to how much more realistic that version of harry potter seems and how starting the story with an older dawn fits better into the BtVS storyline.

Well, this sounds like an even worse idea than the previous iteration.

I was going to mention it in the last review, but all the weapons Harry had were really lame. He was more of a wannabe Van Helsing crossed with Xena than a proper wizard. Now you want to give him and other weapons from RWBY? That's so... dumb.

There's really no need for all these weapons in the first place. Harry is a wizard. He does combat with magic. He has access to a sword if he needs one. Giving special weapons to the Buffy people just jumps back into fan wank bullshit again. They didn't need it on the show, and I don't see why they'd need it in your story. It's like giving Naruto a light saber because the writer things Star Wars is cool. There's no point to it, just fanboy/fangirl foolishness.

I know this story is super abandoned, but damn. This story has issues. The way Harry keeps telling everyone everything is really annoying. Too much information far too soon.

Harry's wanking Xander despite not knowing him, then immediately after being a massive cock to Cordelia all reeks of bullshit fan bias because Harry would never randomly verbally attack someone he doesn't know. Especially considering his rant started with him bitching about Cordelia having a manicure. I mean, really? That's just plain fucking stupid. On what planet does Harry Potter notice or give a damn about whether or not someone gets manicures?

There's other issues, but there's really no point in getting into them all. I was mostly annoyed by the blatant fangirl/fanboy moment with Harry riding Xander's dick without knowing him by trying to make him feel useful- super obviously because fans like Xander... for some reason. I always thought he was a useless, annoying little bitch of a man. It then made the fan-hate moment with Cordelia even more obvious and out of place. There's no reason to randomly jump down the girl's throat without having a previous reason to be annoyed with her in particular which he wouldn't have. But you would.

His excuse about rich kids is plain nonsense because he is a rich person himself and Neville was a rich kid too. Hell, even then, it hardly gives him the right to randomly "test" people by being super insulting to them just to see how they react. That's just outright bullying and manipulation. The only time it might have been appropriate for this Harry to do that is during the implied time he was leading groups to fight Death Eaters. The situation in this chapter is not even remotely applicable.

Anyway, Harry's constant info dumps are really annoying and also fairly illegal (just because they are aware of some of the supernatural doesn't mean they're legally allowed to know about the Wizarding World- It's illegal to tell non-wizards/witches and maybe their immediate families/parents and siblings). Even if it weren't, it makes no sense for him to spend so much time going on these long stories about himself and the WW just to satisfy their curiosity. Especially not all at once. It's bad writing. Info dumps are as annoying as pointless, extended exposition.

As for "bling", it's has been a thing since the late 80s, so I'm sure they're aware of the term. It got more popular in the late 90s due to a particular song, but unless you moved around the timeline I'm pretty sure this chapter should be in the 2000s since Harry "finished" Hogwarts and killed Voldemort around '97 or '98, give or take.

And this chapter wins the Minako Aino prize for mashed metaphors.

Um, I don't really like the feel of this.

I was o.k. with the Harry/Joyce one. It didn't really make sense though. It's not like there was much time while Harry was 15 to actually bump into tourist Joyce and have that short fling. That and you had to handwave the HP timeline to adjust for Harry being older there. That actually worked for me. The HP stuff could easily happen earlier.

That one felt like Badass Harry coming to reconnect with his daughter and all that.

This one? Feels more like a PTB mind whamy to get them together just cause. I don't see Harry or Buffy being the sort to have a hormone filled fling. I could actually understand most of the BtVS girls having fling with HP. I don't really like it being Buffy. Just rubs me the wrong way. It would work with nearly any of them though. Cordy, Faith, Buffy, Amy, or even Willow. About the only one that it wouldn't work for is Kendra or Jenny Calendar.

I don't really buy late teen Harry sleeping around like that. If you were using some other HP character like Sirius, I could see it. Harry though? Not so much.

Actually, that would make an interesting change. Harry gets all of Sirius's money and such. Sirius didn't have a clue that he had any outstanding kids. Harry finds out that Sirius had an unknown child that needs taken care of. This could be right at post Hogwarts where all the HP crap has just been taken care off. Harry is wanting to get away from things and this is also something that needs to be looked into. Harry could feel guilty for not looking into the child sooner as well. No one mentioned to Harry that Sirius had a kid.

With that sort of setup, I could see Harry, Teddy, and some tagalongs like Luna or Hermione coming.

Well enough about that and for the RWBY elements and such. I'm sort of mixed on that. On one hand, I could see Harry's parents being that bad ass. Then again, if they were remotely like RWBY hunters except going after demons/vamps/rouge dark creatures then Lily or James should have been able to easily flee. Well maybe not James because of the family upstairs, but Lily being tied into the wards would know that she needs to grab her kid and run. A jump through a second story window would be nothing to RWBY aura user.

I actually don't mind you having them freshly invented the aura style magic and the RWBY weapons. That's all that you need from that setting though. You could have Luna, Hermione, or Daphne be Harry's Q. If you really wanted to tie things together you might as well toss in the van helsing movie (not anime) hunters with their odd tech. You could have whichever magical creates those weapons having been in the trade for centuries. The RWBY style weapons are the latest revolution in hunter weaponry that combines and personalizes lots of potential into a weapon of pure awesome.

I don't actually mind aura being around and used. You could have it being a hunter only brand/style of magic. It is different to most magic as it just requires another aura user to unlock the potential aura of another. Presto you've got a trainable super power.

Blinks. You could really screw with the slayer stuff with the slayer spirit not really existing per se. It's some family's odd aura training tool. The Watchers merely stole the slayer from a real hunter family.

You could have the HP magic and aura interfere with each other. Squibs though can be taught aura usage. So instead of tossing the squibs into the muggle world, they could be trained as dark creature hunters. Some folks might actually think that it is kinder to send them to mundane orphanages untrained. They actually live much longer there.

I honestly preferred the original version of this story personally. Pregnancy fics are boring at the best of times, and teenage parenthood is a shitty story device on its own, let alone combined with Buffy's lifestyle. There's no way in hell that she could be the Slayer and be pregnant on the Hellmouth, Nikki Woods may have managed pregnancy as a Slayer, but she wasn't on an active Hellmouth like Buffy was. However an older Harry with Joyce as a one night stand? That fits way better in my opinion than forcing Buffy Summers into teenage parenthood while simultaneously taking away one of the best parts of late series Buffy.

I mean come on, Dawn may have been annoying at first, but she turned into an adorable little snark machine!

Anyways, that's just my opinion, and I can't really force you to subscribe to my way of thinking, it's just the way I see it, personally.

Maybe you should put the rewrite in a separate thread. I think it is much better than the first try. I had some trouble with the Harry/Joyce pairing since he was so young. Thankfully I kept reading and got to the last chapter with the rewrite. Keep up the good work and thanks for writing.

Well i will be honest. I like the first 3 chapter and story line better than chapter 6

Again, I don't see the point of using Harry if your going to go w/ a huge weapon's load out for when he fights. I presumed that the point of a HP/BtVS crossover was to have Harry use his style magic to help equalize the field not have him be some weapon toting bad ass who also does magic.
Once again I hope that changes in the rewrite.

Exciting fight but Harry's not using spells to fight the vamps is disappointing. I mean if he's just going to be an uber-fighter occasionally using magic you might as well used Giles, Xander or even Naruto for a non wizard father. I do hope Harry will use more magic in the rewrite.

I like this version better, feels more natural. Good job! I also noticed fewer grammar/spelling issues, kudos! I can't wait to read the new and improved version. Happy writing!

Nice, I look forward to reading the full version. Hope you have a Merry Christmas & we'll see you in the new year!

Great idea and combination