Wonderful. Please update soon?

This was no exception to find after the Pottermore post with Neville and Hannah. :) Good job!

All right, so after you mentioned it earlier today I realised I hadn't actually read anything you wrote yet. So I decided to do just that because I was a bit bored. And then I liked it so I decided to leave a review. It might be a bit shorter than my usual reviews, because I'm being lazy.

One small note before I start the actual review. I tend to just say what I think, and a lot is simply personal opinion. It isn't really meant as criticism or to tell you you're wrong, it's more to show you what people might think or feel while reading. My opinion can't speak for everyone, but still, it might make you consider doing some things differently. I know I'd personally love to get some insight in what people actually think while reading my fics.

Anyway, let's begin. This was definitely one of the best present tense stories I've read yet. Most people can't really make it work but you did. Good job.

I wasn't too excited about the numbers used to show where new parts start. They mostly annoyed me. Same with when you wrote 'May 2nd', that just doesn't look good in my opinion.

Another thing that bothered me a bit was the part where you wrote 'the air evaporates from his lungs'. That's probably because I study a lot of sciences and air can't actually evaporate. Though as far as writing is concerned it was a nice way of putting it.

Also in the sentence 'Neville can feel the gravity of her voice - he leans into her words, is powerless to the pull of her voice', the double use of voice didn't entirely agree with me. Though I can't think of an alternative at the moment. Other than that it's a very fine sentence though.

'catches her breath an inhales the very essence of her', I think there's a d missing there. Also, the ending sounds a bit weird to me. I'd have preferred 'her very essence'.

I don't like the word piteously. You should probably just ignore that comment though.

Something I really liked was how the first and last part were basically chronologically switched. I somehow don't think it would've been as good had they been in the 'correct' order.

I'd like to say things about the dialogue, but there's not much to say. I liked the Sorting Hat, a lot of people seem to get him wrong. All conversations were really good, everyone talked the way I'd imagine them to. So that was perfect. Bad dialogue can really mess up an otherwise good story.

Then a general comment on how you write. You're really good at it, but what I feel like sets you apart from a lot of other writers you find here is that you write different things. And I don't mean this plot-wise. It's just little things, bits of sentences that make me think, well, I haven't read that before. Also, you used several expressions? Or ways of saying certain things that I haven't heard before. So I'm going to question you on that now.

The first is 'It sits on the half-moon curve of Neville's smile for the rest of the week.' That sentence just sounds weird to me. I guess it says that Neville was smiling for a week? Anyway, I like how it sounds though.

Then there was 'growing frailer and trailer'. I like how it sounds but unless it's some sort of expression it wouldn't really make sense?

Also there was a third one but I can't seem to find it anymore. Oh wait, found it. 'She was proper good at it.' I feel like I might've heard it before but then I'm not nearly certain either. It sounds like something you'd say in English though. Anyway, is that a regularly used expression or?

My favourite of the seven parts was the second. I really loved it. Also the scene between Neville and his mum was really well written, amazing how you manage to create the emotion in such a short bit of text.

All right, I think that's all I had to say. This was supposed to be rather short though. Oops.

But you won't mind, I'm sure. Anyway, really nice little story this. I really enjoyed reading (and reviewing) it. So thank you for writing it.

Update soon:)