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how about one by one the callings and mars remembers aira.

great more please!

Its really very cool! And please update a new fanfic of pretty rhythm but it should be very romantic! Thank u dear! :)
Please update!

CONTINUE THIS PLEASE! WE DEMAND AN UPDATE!

Nice plot start I would just like to suggest maybe an event in the story. Something like sachi having a secret grudge against aira thats why she was getting revenge, like something happened in the past with them with aira not even aware or something. Even if it seems like cliché (i think thats how you spell it). And for the grammer and writing style i would go with Yuisaki's suggestion thats how i improved (in a way). Sorry for such a long review i hope you would be encouraged by this review to keep on improving. Pls continue with the story and have fun writing!

This is a nice plot, and you have a good start. I do have a few tips, however, and it is completely up to you whether you heed them or not.

First, dialogue. When characters speak, writers put quotation marks around their words to show the reader that they're speaking, and so it's not as confusing. If you were writing in first person (I did this, I did that), then the words of the characters might get mixed up with the ones that the writer uses to narrate. So you do something like this as to make it clear:

"You're an idiot," she said.

"Anyone who calls people idiots are idiots," he shot back.

This would apply to thoughts as well. To make it clear, most writers use one quotation mark (these things ') or write the thoughts in italics, or even combine the two. There are deviations, obviously, in the case where there is more than one mind thinking the thoughts. Then the writers would use bolded words, italicized words, the single quotation mark, the first two, the first and third, or just all of them combined. You can experiment yourself, if you wish to do so, but only if it's more than one mind in the head of a single character thinking the thoughts.

Secondly, try not to add a space between the words and the punctuation. You tend to put spaces between your commas and exclamation points, and that's often one of the things that draw a reader away.

And finally, end a sentence with a period. It's just the law of writing, I suppose. If there is an instance where you think that it's not needed, then read that sentence over and see if it would make sense that way. Or even better, use a book for reference. I wouldn't recommend using other fanfiction, mainly because the works here are mostly self-edited. No matter how many times a single person revises and reads it again for mistakes, a chance that an error could be made is possible. Use published, renowned books for help to see their individual writing styles and soon you'll develop your own.

That's all. I do hope this helped, but like I said before, it's completely up to you if you take it or not.

Best of luck with your writing!

-Yuisaki

As I always say
DONT
LEAVE
US
ON
A
CLIFFHANGER !

love it! but how did mion, rizumu and callings forget aira?