holly fuck, reading this had me on the edge of my chair just like reading the battle of He alms Deep in Lord of the Rings

a grimm opening for a fic about war seems fitting.

Oh yaaaaaaaaaass! I like where this is going.

You're using too much commas. Too many comma splices here and commas where they shouldn't be. Make more use of semicolons and periods.

-Ann

Wow, nice start! Very vivid the way you wrote Ruby and her thoughts to it all. I'll be looking forward to what you have in store for this. Oh, and may I ask, are/were you in the service?

-Ann