| Reviews for The Black Angel |
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CRose chapter 4 . 9/1/2007 I like the idea, but the story needs a serious overhaul. every few sentences there's a missing word or there isn't enough detail. So it's a good start, just needs work. |
FalseExact chapter 10 . 6/28/2007 much better then you earlier chapters, no complaints |
Cylon One chapter 1 . 6/28/2007 I like the concept of this story. Thought you should know that it's Alucard. Not Arucard. |
Tai Khan chapter 2 . 6/27/2007 It's highly unlikely that Ceres would have answered Ranma in Japanese. I'd limit any use of Japanese to native speakers, unless it's a non-native Japanese attempting to converse with a native Japanese. To my knowledge, there is no weapons manufacturer called "Walter". There is, however, one called "Walther". |
Kiro88 chapter 2 . 6/27/2007 Okay, made it to the second chapter so far and... GOOD CHRIST IN HEAVEN MAN, LEARN TO FREAKING SPELL! Spelling: horrendous, Grammar: God-awful, Story line: I like where this could go in later chapters, but more details about scenery, actions, and sense would help a lot. Vamp this stuff up (no pun intended). Keep up the work, I'll be wanting another installment. |
Shinji Ikari7 chapter 2 . 1/3/2005 Well the concept was good but that was about it I really couldn't read any further than this. Not because your a bad writer (though you are pretty bad) but because the story didn't flow right. First how did Alucard find Genma and Ranma after all they did train in the Neko-ken in Japan? Second Ranma's character just doesn't seem right, yeah I know he was raised by Hellsing and Alucard would be a interesting influence but it seems wrong. Third the dialog was bad and very hard to follow in the second chapter. Fourth a spell check and several prereaders and possible a cowriter would help this story a lot. Fifth try using the english versions of the characters names, like Alucard. I am not sure what it is but there is something about the Japanese lang. that has a hard time with L's thus Alucard becomes Arucard. Think of it this way Alucard is actually Dracula spelt backwards it just doesn't have the same effect with the R Dracura. All in all a decent concept just a bad writer. Try giving the story to some one else and see just how good a story it can become under a better writer. Have a nice day |
Darkepyon chapter 1 . 12/8/2004 Great story |
Judah chapter 3 . 5/6/2004 Last I checked vampires don't age. The wingspan is a bit big, and since you never describe the characters well I have hard time imagining cute six year old Ranma performing some of the actions in the fights. . Grammar is terrible. Spellchecking isn't used. Plus in both the manga and anime Yan & co. took the Hellsing foundation completely by suprise, they weren't met by the vampire cavalry at the gates. You haven't given a good reason why this time would be different. . Not reading further. You have multiple plot holes, logic holes, and language issues. |
Athenais chapter 9 . 5/6/2004 very nice story. like the ideas in it. the thing with the angel cast was funny. would love it to see them running in another again or buffy or something like that. and don't let ranma lose to much fights. are ranma and genesis are mated or not? i am not so sure by only reading the fiction. it is not really clear. but keep it up and continue writing this. |
Jerry Unipeg chapter 9 . 5/5/2004 GREAT CHAPTER! |
Jerry Unipeg chapter 8 . 1/9/2004 BEST CHAPTER. |
Lost Darkness chapter 1 . 12/10/2003 I don't know what happened to you or your stories but this sucks I hope you learn to be nicer. |
Kura-kun chapter 7 . 9/22/2003 hmm... how come you dont accept anoynmous reviews? Change that cause people hate it heh... Well this was another short annd okay chapter _ Keep on going... Later |
Jerry Unipeg chapter 7 . 9/22/2003 Great chapter. |
Organised Kaos chapter 7 . 9/22/2003 Great story and all, seems a bit blocky in places or unexplained. If you want to, you can send it to me for some pre-reading so I can fix up some of those spelling and grammar errors. |