The no paragraph spacing messed ,e up a bit, but if you post more, I'll read it!

This is epic. Or awesome. Whatever. I think you should write more of it. I'd like to see where you go with the story. For a tip you should make the new P.O.V on a new paragraph. It will make it less confusing when you switch. Again is was great! Please do continue! xSuper-Fan

I can't read it... It's like going underwater without a breath, no passage breaks... It's too short...

Much improvement from what I can tell, very nice so far!

It can get kind of confusing to read with all the POVs switching. It also greatly draws out what could be a short scene, which you should aim yo make it since it seems to be a short story. But it wasnt bad, very short though! Hope I helped some o:

Keep writing! X3