noice.

Man this kind of sucked. I would have introduced Delsin between season 3 and 4 and make him a different faction entirely.

So that's what he means by not being in full strenght

OHHHH, "second sun" like a second shot/chance?

Just saw this story and read through it to see how this story pans out. The idea of using Delsin is interesting due to most fics having Cole as the main person in most fics. Using evil Delsin gives you props for actually using someone that isn't a goody two shoes in my opinion. Unfortunately there are several negatives that outweighs the positive with this story, in my opinion of course. I'm no perfectionist when it comes to my grammar but I saw several errors in your spelling, an example would be misspelling Torchwick's name. The pacing feels to fast and doesn't establish his motivation or wants when it comes to Remnent. Rather than using the world of RWBY as a world building and exploring it you have Delsin literally follow team RWBY through it's shenanigans. Not only that but teams are comprised of four people, having an extra seems to stretch the suspensions of disbelief. What's to stop other students from asking Ozpin why they have an unfair advantage over others, putting favoritism onto them and making them feel like shit. Rather than to the tired formula of going through school as a teenager, why not have him explore other places? My final nitpick would be how Ozpin allowed him at the school. To me it seems like he was shoehorned into the story just to be with RWBY. I understand that the council allows Ozpin to do stuff without batting an eye but that's not how life works. Not only is Delsin a wanted criminal, but Ozpin knew about it and didn't uphold the law by arresting him, as in his job. Sure he's a teacher but he is still a hunter and by allowing him entry and not reporting him he's technically abetting a criminal. Sure he didn't do the crime personally but he would still be held accountable for it and more than likely put in jail with him being replaced with someone as the principle of the school. Another gripe would be Delsin staying in Vale even though he's a known criminal wtf? That would be like me robbing a store while working there too. I understand that he could change his age all willy nilly but in a society that has technology that's not gonna cut it. Best case would be to move to another country like Minstrel or Vacou and have a full facial reconstruction of the face, perhaps changing skin color if the technology is present. My suspension of disbelief is already stretched as it is and doesn't make sense narrative wise. A ok story but needs a lot of work, perhaps even a rewrite of the whole story. Not a personnel attack on you but my opinion on how this story is panning out in general.

I hate evil delsin

Hero delsin is the best

Bad review cuz bad delsin

they are leeks

more pls

Update please.

I like it!

I feel like you can make this a whole lot better if you improve your prose and remove ALL of your grammar mistakes. There are a lot of corrections to be made, and much dialogue feels OOC. Sorry if I'm frank, but I'm calling it like I see it.

-Tethriot

Well, alrighty then. Iiis okay...

Evil Delsin I kinda hoped for heroic one but...

first off great story second this might not happen but if you put cole in the story im going to freak out

This is awesome, seeing er... reading Delsin even a evil one interact with team RWBY is great so far. From my point of view Delsin is influencing all four of them, but in turn they are influencing him. Him reopening his heart without even knowing it, is great, being evil doesn't necessarily mean he has to be heartless. So great character development can't wait to see more development of Delsin.

If anyone dispute that he's heartless can watch a walkthrough or play the game Second Son, then you can tell that Delsin even if he's evil he still has a heart such as example he wanted some of the concrete power to help his friends in the tribe even if he's evil throughout the game, when he was lured into a trap his brother, Reggie, saved him sacrificing his own live, Delsin try to hang onto Reggie not wanting to lose his brother, then in the end it was the tribe who turn their backs on him when he finally return with the concrete power. So in the end with no one to open his heart to or people he knows and knows him to support him ergo he closed his heart.