Ok, I have to say it because it's an early learned lesson that will help in writing. Write for yourself always, not for others. Authenticity shines through when you do.

Hey there!
I've just finished reading your second book, and I'm happy to say that this sequel is not just as good as the first one, but it surpasses it. I like your attention to detail and your patience on writing so many chapters without losing your enthusiasm. I will say that it did get a bit darker..., but that's one the reasons that made it more thrilling. Moreover when the first book introduced that Hans was coming back, I... wasn't quiet sure on how to feel about that, as even in the original movie to me he was a pretty weak last-minute villain. But as I've completed the first two books, I'm just gonna say "So far so good". I've also noticed that the amount of grammar mistakes you've made has reduced. Overall it was an amazing book and I look forward to seeing your work more.

Hey, Charlie, it’s been a while! Just thought I’d pop by and drop a review since I realized I hadn’t been doing that. Weird, seems I kinda infected you with the fanfic hiatus cuz your Dragon Hiccup fic hasn’t been updated in a while. Anyway,
The royals of the Southern Isles are PROBABLY the most powerful in the kingdom? Who else would be in a monarchy?
Huh, a freak disease killing the RICHEST and possibly most SANITIZED and HEALTHY people in the kingdom makes more sense than an assassination? Kings get assassinated all the time. A random illness taking them when they have the best doctors on hand is what is insane.
Not saying that sorcery ISN’T possible, but why would the commoners of the Southern Isles think that? Didn’t seem all that common in their universe, so why would that come up?
Yeah, saying Hans has a twisted mind for looking at Ayla’s kinda saying ALL men are psychopaths. MY question is why they suddenly like each other.
Man, you’re really inconsistent when it comes to character powers. YOU said that Ayla couldn’t get close enough to Elsa and Anna in order to kill them with magic then poof! she does the same thing to Hans’ brothers who should have EXACTLY the same kind of security or even more given that they’re traveling. Just admit that you’re bad at magic.
Also, YOU said Ayla can’t CREATE things yet she DUPLICATED Hans’ brothers AND wiped the guards’ minds. WHY couldn’t she do that to Elsa and Anna for crying out loud!? And what ARE her powers?
… A fallen angel? Really, Charlie? Really? And I thought I wrote bad romantic banter/flirting.
And they’re banging for what reason now? I haven’t seen anything from the two really to begin with.
Death is common in Arendelle? Freaking Arendelle? Really? I haven’t seen any sign of that.
Well, this chapter was okay. There was little movement plot-wise, but it was a nice refresher if anything since I hadn’t read in a while. I don’t get one thing though, if Hans wanted his family to wanna attack Arendelle, why not use Bjorns death from the get-go? That was a huge amount of stupidity on Elsa’s part and should have made the Southern Isles wanna attack. In fact, all that convoluted stuff Hans did would be unnecessary if he just used that!

How can Arendelle have such a lame army? I get maybe having few soldiers or being more skilled in a specific area, but being weak as hell on land? Damn. What'd happen if they were attacked ON land? Like most people do.
Uh, why're your kingdoms comprised of villages exactly? I never got that.
Huh, just realized your fic has guns and ours doesn't. Ah, guess it's cuz I prefer swords - I didn't think of them.
Why are the queens in your story completely insane? Does Rapunzel HONESTLY THINK that the soldiers will wait for her while she sings her song for EVERY wounded person in the kingdom? C'mon, she'd be dead in two seconds. Even if - IF - she could heal a person quickly enough, that person would be dead a second later cuz he'd be stabbed right after; you can't lie or sit down on a battlefield and expect to survive.
Why did Eugene agree to her stupid idea? He should've had soldiers all over her. Damn!
Okay, if Hans - somehow - commanded his mother not to speak to Mia, then why was she allowed anywhere near her? And if she's so nice, why hasn't she been there before? And why is she showing up NOW? And if she knew about the whole plan, why hasn't she objected? Why - basically, you get the idea that bringing up this woman now is a flaw.
Still though, answer the above questions.
Okay, how does Hans know Arendelle's joined the war? And if so, why did they leave their kingdom defenseless? I mean, Arendelle can be weak and all, but does it have to be stupid too? Don't tell me they trust Anna of all people ... wait, do they? Cuz that's REALLY dumb.
Wait, this was a multi-POV chapter? Thought that only applied to stories written in first person.
Anyway, this chapter was okay, but it did a poor job of instilling the tone. it was very fast and detached, so I felt a general nothingness with each scene unlike prior chapters. They may all had flaws, but at least I got the emotion you were trying to put out.
Also, why do Elsa and Rapunzel think they're invincible now?! They're pregnant and queens who don't know how to fight! Come on!

Um, are you playing Mia up to be a villain? Cuz her considering people prey is pretty villain-like. And, what kind of two year old – TWO YEAR OLD – would be thinking about controlling people’s minds? I know she’s been tortured, but it can’t have made her THAT crazy or at least not that fast.
Uh, was Ayla pretending to be Elsa to trick Mia into thinking her aunt hates her? If so, that was a very weird and bad way of doing it. First, why would Elsa try to kill her by blaming her for something that she doesn’t know and makes no damn sense? At least she could’ve blamed her for being a bad child or something else she could make up that’d remotely make sense to the confused kid. Also, the whole scene was confusing as hell to read. Maybe that was the aim, but you coulda toned it down a lil.
If a little icicle is all it’d take to kill Elsa, why not an arrow or a bunch of arrows or a rock or ANYTHING other than a quivering mess of a two-year-old? I know she has powers, but a two-year-old is just weird. Also, I just got an idea, since the past wizards (Karlief and the others) wanted Elsa’s powers to complete their set – or something – why doesn’t Ayla just take Mia’s magic and kill her? She could easily take the magic, master it in a matter of days then kill Elsa. Simple. I mean, the kid seems like an unnecessary headache for these guys anyway and she’s a freaking two-year-old.
Also, Ayla just made me realise something; why is Mia this smart? She’s TWO! Speaking should be a problem, yet alone running, so what’s this about?
Also, why’re Hans and Ayla talking about their plans in the corridors in the middle of the night for? I know they’re evil, but they still need sleep! Damn, I know Mia may figure this out – somehow – but this is ridiculous.
Okay, where did this stroke of midnight madness come from? And if Mia’s having issues, shouldn’t Elsa have earlier? This is outta nowhere and should mean witchcraft is involved since you’ve stated repeatedly ‘the witching hour’. Ooh, creepy. XD
Anyway, I liked this chapter and it was interesting to have another character be the focus of the story. Although, I think having a character as young as Mia raises the problem of her being un-relatable to the reader. Maybe you should have made her five or eight, at least at an age when she has a recognisable personality. Mia was okay and a source of empathy when she was on the side, but now that you’ve given her a whole chapter, she’s pretty hollow, even for this story.
Yeah, sorry, but there has been an issue of hollow characterisation throughout and now this chapter’s brought it to mind. Most people exhibit the SAME personalities most of the time. Elsa’s worried, undecided or a pushover; Anna’s worried or angry; Kristoff is … blah; Odd is … blah; Ayla is conniving or angry; Hans is evil or … blah; Mia is cute or scared – most characters are one-dimensional. Maybe it’s the lack of varieties in situations they’re in that hasn’t brought other facets of their personality, but that’s ALL they’ve been this whole time. I don’t know if this is improved, but your characters could use some fleshing out.
Also, how come all your male characters are just blah? As in, they barely have anything to show, except for Hans who’s evil when he isn’t flat. What’s up with that?

Written as read:
Uh, why does Elsa honestly think Anna can run the kingdom? I know she’s her sister, but she’s a REALLY bad choice. Not only is she uninspiring, but she’s also VERY naïve. At least I had the excuse of Elsa being dead and there was nobody else, but in this case where there IS a choice, it’d be smarter to a pick an advisor.
Also, is it really smart for a pregnant Queen to take part in a war? Sure, maybe she’s not reached the point where she can’t do much, but the unborn kid could get injured, I mean it IS a war. Why not just have the commander lead the army, I mean, she can trust them, right?
Um, does Elsa REALLY need to announce that she’s pregnant to the people? Is it that important? And if it is, why not say it when the kid’s born instead?
Is it smart to announce the plans of your attack to the commoners? Sure, you can announce that you’re going to war, but don’t give the details! There could be a mole amongst them and it’s just damn unnecessary.
Christmas? Really? Her concern is that they’d be absent for Christmas? Why?
Ah-ha! See, THIS is why I said Elsa was being an idiot for waiting around and moping instead of helping Corona. It’s a freakin’ war! Why would they be sipping tea instead of attacking when nobody expects! Now Corona’s in ruins and it’s her fault.
Yeah, no, they should be at the capital in hours, not days – Corona isn’t THAT big.
Also, I dunno if it’s just me, but the last time: ‘The war was really and truly on now.’ feels more like something someone would say to someone else, not a piece of narrative. Also, it’s kinda unnecessary.
Anyway, I still liked the chapter.

I liked this chapter and the description was pretty good - though I never understands your fights. the main problem with the sotyr is that your ccharacters are getting annoying.
The guard in the frist scene who was relaying the info about Dagvin was particularly annoying with the way he was always beating around the bush and being a wimp. I mean come on! She's an adult; she should be able to take bad news!
Why is Elsa STILL trying to decide to help Corona!? Why is she a wimp? You just discover where your captive neice could be and you push the rescue op by a week? Seriously?
Why is Ayla STILL playing coy with Hans? It seemed myserious and interesting at first, but it's now getting irritating - JUST FUCK HIM ALREADY!
What powers does she have? Seriously, tell me now, cuz she seems like an omnipotent goddess bitch who can't do shit though she's powerful. I know you can keep the revelation as a mystery or something, but it's so fucking random now and she's LITERALLY altering reality right now with the horse! Come the fuck on!
Why has the war with Corona amounted to jackshit? Elsa was being ridiculous and hesitated with helping them, but now absolutely nothing is happening.
This chapter is good, but I'm getting concerned that for the past ten chapters (I think it's ten, I forget, but they're a lot) all that's happened is Mia suffering then training, Ayla and Hans flirting - which is now getting annoying - and the people of Arendelle being a buncha pussy punk bitches who just cry when something happens and do nothing. Can the story MOVE now?

This chapter was sad - which is a good thing cuz that was what you were aiming to do. I liked how you set the tone very well and showed everyone's sorrow; it was so depressing - in a good way! Good job, :)
That being said, here're the flaws:
First, the characters are REALLY overreacting here, I mean, Aren's a kid they barely know, so crying like they lost Mia is a little weird. I'm not saying they shouldn't feel ANYTHING, but they're feeling TOO much, like Kristoff crying and punching a wall like he's depressed and Anna nearly collapsing; it's too much drama over him.
How can Anna cry and mourn yet be detached? That's impossible.
Did people in this time period call children 'kids'? Cuz I don't think they did.
How is there such a thing as 'icy flames'? I know you were describing Elsa's anger, but that's a lil ridiculous.
Isn't Arne three years old? Cuz you said he's two, which is Mia's age. You have to keep notes, all inconsistencies will arise, especially with your self-professed low attention span.
When did the villagers go missing? I don't remember that.
When'd Dagvin tell them about Odd's situation? I don't remember that either.
Why are the Trolls the go-to poeple for a murder case? What? They're Sherlock Holmes' minions or something? It's random for Kristoff to think about going to them over Arne's death AND why hasn't he gone to them over ANYTHING during this situation? He looks to Pabi as his source of wisdom, so it doesn't make sense that he didn't go to him once with all that's happening.
Who's Mia's mom again? I forgot.

Written as read:
Sorry, but I began this chapter laughing cuz of how sudden the beginning was. First, everyone is a psychopath bent on revelling Dagvin's pain with Anna smiling carnivorously and Elsa and Anna suddenly becoming ruthless without set up. I got the idea, but it was done randomly and poorly cuz they didn't even ask what happened to Odd and instead tortured him with glee (see Anna skipping into Kristoff's arms as they leave him hanging upside-down). I think you enjoyed writing the agony and forgot the point.
Arne's death ... Yeah I didn't exactly care about him and the illusion fizzing proved that he was actively fooling himself.
Good ideas, sloppy executions, sorry.

Written while read:
Uh, shouldn’t Odd know how to write now? Sure, he might be uneducated and stuff, but it’s been a year since he moved into the castle, so what’s his deal?
Please tell me Odd has a reason to kill Kristoff too other than him making fun of his writing, cuz that’d be insane.
Uh … shouldn’t they be a little more worried that the queen and princess left for two whole days unannounced when a war’s been declared? They could’ve been captured or something for all they know AND they’re royalty, meaning they’re very important, Elsa especially. They should’ve been out searching with the guards instead of riding reindeer in the mountain tops for no reason. Also, you still haven’t mentioned where Olaf is or what he’s doing.
Are you LITERALLY telling me that Elsa DOESN’T want Odd to pay for what he did at all? Really? Why? Does she LIKE being raped?
Yeah, even Odd’s evil – I dunno, maybe he DID kill Heidi for some reason – Anna wondering if he did that is a BIG stretch. He raped Elsa and all, but killing his own sister is a WHOLE other level of insanity that you can’t draw a line to because of an act like that. Maybe he did, but Anna sure as hell shouldn’t assume that just from that one thing he did.
Oh, come on, I know he’s a bad guy and now, but now a misogynist? Gotta put the brakes on the bad qualities a bad guy has. Geez! And even if he’s a misogynist, it doesn’t negate the fact that he’s clearly NOT to Elsa. Come on, did he forget that he’s even lower than a villager cuz he lived alone in the woods? People would’ve probably made rumours of some nutcase who lives alone with a horse deep in the forest or whatever, so why’s he so cocky? Or is he Hans in disguise? In which case, he should be even MORE likely to realize that raping a queen is a stupid move, especially in her own kingdom … well, raping a woman is a dumb move on all levels, but that’s like a tier ten or something.
Yeah, still not gonna get used to cursing in a Frozen fic.
Why’d Odd call Anna a witch and jump back when he saw her coming into the kingdom? And why’s he thinking she’s dangerous now? Yeah, Anna may have sucker punched Hans, but she’s not formidable at all. Sorry, but he should be scared of the woman who can drive an icicle through his heart instead. Come on, who’s scared of ANNA for crying out loud? Maybe our version, but the original? Really? The chocolate eating, First Time in Forever, Do You Wanna Build A Snowman Anna? He’s a total bitch. He should be afraid Kristoff will beat the crap outta him or Elsa will freeze him solid, not Anna!
And come on, I know Odd should get decked for what he did, but letting Seier on him is overkill. The wolf’s could’ve ripped him apart. Killing him would make Elsa a widow and leave the real Odd (if this one is an imposter) captive to whoever took him.
Um, is Odd a four-year-old? Why’s he buying Anna pretending to help him after SHE sent Seier on him? Come on, I thought he was evil, but he just seems like a dipshit dumbass. And why’s he just standing there while she hits him? He could’ve backed up when she punched him the first time. I’m sorry, I’m not on his side, but he should still do some logical stuff, right?
Oh, Seier is muzzled? Good to know. Mm-hmm, perfectly explains why he’s gently stroking Odd’s skin with his teeth. Man, first Elsa’s turned on by rape then Seier’s getting fresh with Odd, what’s next? Sven’s gonna kiss Kristoff? … Oh, he already did that, huh? This book’s getting weird.
Okay, would Elsa cut it out with the low blows? What’s up with that? Sure, he’s evil, but what if he changes and they’re back on good terms, huh? Or what if he’s under mind control and gets back to normal, what happens then? Sure ain’t gonna get more kids if he’s injured, huh?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Are they trying to make Odd pay for what he did or have Seier kill him? Dragging him with his teeth by biting into his side? He could bite into an organ or cause a bad wound that’d lead to internal bleeding then ultimately death. Sheesh! Let them make up their minds, cuz he could die before they figure out if he’s an imposter, the real deal or under mind control.

Written’ while read:
Yeah, there’s no way Anna would believe Elsa hurt herself after actually seeing the bruise. Can’t she connect two and two and see that Odd was behind it. I mean, he said Elsa was tired then she finds her bruised and trying to hide it. Can’t she see how that wound would happen? Also, why’s Elsa hiding the fact that Odd slapped her? She’s a flippin’ queen with a higher social standing than Odd and she should’ve been pissed that he went crazy like that. On another note on her powers, how did Odd even rape her? Shouldn’t she have frozen him instantly or something?
Why’s she taking it all the way out there? There’s gotta be a ton of places they could be alone, I mean, you did mention secret rooms and stuff earlier – I think (sorry, I might be mixing things up :D). Plus, why are you letting her get pushed around like that? It’s not like she’s in a normal domestic home where he has the higher ground and has made her subservient or anything. This is the first time this has ever happened, so she should’ve immediately shouted at him, resisted and tried to run, causing people to come in the room and subdue Odd. I’d have written the scene like that, or just have her punch him across the room since my Elsa is stronger than yours.
Shouldn’t the castle have melted by now? I mean, Elsa needed to make a flurry for Olaf to stay solid during the summer and since he’s a more complex creation than the edifice, the castle should definitely have melted by now.
Am I literally reading the coronation of Bulda as the Troll Queen? I’m sorry, but who cares about that? Nobody even knows her name unless they read the wikia, so why’s this important? I certainly don’t give a damn, so why’s this scene even there? It’d make more sense to be mentioned in passing next time somebody comes to the Valley – speaking of which, why didn’t the Trolls immediately tell Kristoff that Pabbie is dead? That’d definitely ignite an investigation into Hans and the Southern Isles since that’s his family. Your characters are passive as hell in this book. All they do is brood and get pushed around by the plot, and if they’re not doing that, they’re just not there. At least they did stuff in the last one, but there’re doing NOTHING here.
Also, shouldn’t Bulda be more solemn that Pabbie’s dead instead of being irritated by how formal the occasion is? It’s like she’s being forced. She should’ve accepted the honour with a heavy heart and carry the responsibility instead of thinking like a sulky teenager. And why are the other Trolls happy? Their beloved king freakin’ died! Did they all not give a damn?
Uh, what does Bulda mean with this line? ‘I wish you were here—and I wish you'd hurry up so I can see you again’
Uh … Odd hit Elsa and Anna is happy about her revealing it … then asking why he did it? … It’s not like couples discipline each other like children! This’s why I asked if Elsa and Odd slap each other for fun cuz, yet again, your characters affirm my suspicions. Why isn’t Anna pissed off!? Immediately rushing back to Arendelle to imprison him!? What the hell?
… Why’s Anna concerned about soldiers instead of her own cousin!? Damn, I bet if she came back and found Kristoff dead on the floor next to a cold bowl of soup, she’d be worried that he didn’t eat the soup and try to get it heated instead of freakin’ out over husband being dead.
Oh, yes Elsa, you’d disregard your duty as a Queen to help out your sister kingdom and let your cousin die at the hands of the enemy because you’re too scared about risking your own soldiers. Bravo, what a selfish Queen.
Is this a time to joke? Really? Even if it’s sarcastic, it’s a really weird time to quip.
Uh, pregnant women can still bang in the early stages before their wombs begin to hurt. Judging from Elsa being able to go up the mountains on horseback without any problem, her pregnancy shouldn’t factor in at all. Plus, pregnant women are hornier in those times anyway, but that’s not the point – the point is that Odd raped her and that’s messed up … I should ask how that was possible in the first place with all the aforementioned factors, but ah, well.
God is with a capital ‘G’ whether you believe in Him or not. Others are the ones with a small ‘g’. Respect the hierarchy.
Yeah, Odd would look different with the ‘eagle’ injuries he sustained. Plus, why is Elsa only noticing the animals hating him NOW? That happened nearly ten chapters ago! … I think, I’ve lost count, but I’m sure it was a long time ago.
Um, his eyes are smaller cuz they had to be stitched shut and they’re a darker colour cuz of all the haemorrhaging and stuff and – why am I reminding you of this? You wrote that scene with the doctor earlier, so why’s Elsa forgotten all of a sudden? I’m not saying she shouldn’t be suspicious, but his look shouldn’t factor in right now. Plus, if they’ve banged before, she should’ve noticed the oddities immediately they banged again. You can’t tell me that they only time they’ve banged since he returned from the eagle thing was when he raped her, right? That’d be weird as hell.
Oh my God! Did Elsa forget that RAPUNZEL IS THE QUEEN OF CORONA!? Why is going to war against the Southern Isles one of the reasons why they should suspect Odd? Is she insane?
And, I’m a commoner – well, I’d be in that time or if I was in a monarchy – and I still think royal people ARE better than us. It’s just basic logic and if Elsa’s too dumb to realize that, then she’s a bad Queen, which she’s proving to be by ignoring her duties and not immediately formulating a plan to help Corona.
Yeah, this chapter was … just read the above to see what I thought about it. Damn. Also, sorry I was mean, but damn. Also, sorry for the long review, I got carried away :)

Written as read:
What's Seier doing lurking around the corners, in the shadows, just watching as Elsa and Anna talk about what's going on? Is he Batman - Bathound? XD, it's weird how there's even shadows to conceal him in them middle of the day to begin with, so I'm kinda picturing his eyes glowing in the corner, being all menacing for no reason.
Also, is it any time to get saucy (sorry, I couldn't think of a word) with Elsa now? Maybe Odd's got a bone to pick with her, but not now of all times!
Is Corona smaller than Arendelle? It looks bigger to me, or at least the same size, so I dunno what Odd's mentioning. God dammit! I keep on thinking Balder when I write Odd!
Uh, why's Elsa being so hesitant to help Corona while they're under attack? Shouldn't she instantly help because, hmm, I dunno, Rapunzel - her cousin - could get killed!? Sure, she's worried about her soldiers and stuff, but they don't matter compared to her!
Even flipping evil Odd is being more reasonable! I know she's pregnant, but damn, this is an easy choice! Sheesh! It's like worrying if I'll enough cab money to go and save my uncle from a burning building or something! She's a queen! who has a kingdom! with soldiers that can fight! and have pledged to give up their lives to follow her orders!
Okay, come on, why's evil Odd suddenly religious? This is some random ex-machina stuff of him talking about God picking royalty. If He did, Elsa wouldn't be one of them. Also, what does God have to do with this? I'm a Christian and I still don't know what you're bringing Him in on this for.
Um, were you trying to ruin every character in your story for me? Cuz Hans is ruined, Anna is okay, Kristoff is just there, Odd is evil now, so I can't say anything, Mia's weird, and now Elsa is going nuts. I think you're trying to downplay my enjoyment of this series, because Elsa's irrationality is testing my patience. First, why's she talking about God not letting many die for others for? Why's she an emotional baby who can't send soldiers out to save ... I don't know, uh, her cousin! Seriously, this is worse than that time when Odd went out on a tantrum. What's going on with your cast? Geez!
Could you explain this line after Odd slaps Elsa?: She gasped, shuffling backwards and feeling her heart rate increasing—but not so much for herself, but for him; if he let her get too scared, she had no doubts that she'd hurt him. Despite the way her cheek was still stinging, Elsa couldn't help but worry she'd hurt him back—she cared for him too much to even want to consider it. - I'm lost.
Also, what the hell is going on? Why'd he hit her for? That's irrational, weird and nonsensical, even for an evil person. It's not like she did something wrong - other than being crazy - so, why's he hitting her? And why is she so calm about it!? It's not like they slap each other for fun or anything! ... do they?
Um, also, why hasn't somebody heard that? Pregnant women are pretty fragile, so a slap would definitely draw a yelp from her ... or just the slap itself since there should be people near her quarters, waiting on her hand and foot and stuff.
What am I reading here? Odd's gonna rape Elsa ... if she doesn't go and help out her cousin ... what!? I know he's evil now, but what sense does this make? What's the context? It's just weird and random. Why is Elsa doing nothing!? She could - I dunno - yell at him, try to tell him to stop or call for help cuz her husband's gone nuts. Although, at this point, I'd put them both in a psyche ward for how weird the scene is.
Okay, this chaper was okay at first, some oddities at first, but par for the course of this book so far, but the last half was just weird. What the hell was that? I have to be mean here, cuz that was weird, wrong and confusing. Odd raping Elsa to make her agree to helping her cousin and Elsa resisting because ... reasons? You have to read this scene and come up with another reason for Odd raping Elsa cuz if it was to show that he's evil, this is surely not how you should've done it. Okay, but damn, that was just ... what was I reading?

Writin’ as I’m readin’
Quick tip: Next time a villain has something in mind, even if it’s obvious to the reader, don’t bludgeon them with it. The whole sequence with Hans interacting with Mia would’ve been all the more frustrating if you just described it and let the readers seethe over how cunning Hans is or let some who haven’t been paying attention bask in confusion. That, I think, would be better. Plus, it’s not a good idea to pound people with the obvious like I used to at times. Also, can Ayla control minds? If so, she could just control Mia and have her do what Hans wants. If it fails, then it doesn’t matter cuz she’s expendable. Heh, the Expendables featuring a baby, that’d suck.
Um, I think you used the wrong phrase when Hans reassures himself that he needs to be patient cuz ‘time is of the essence’ means you have no time to lose and i.e. have to be quick.
Well Ayla’s chatty isn’t she? Having to mention the whole line of what insanity would do to a ruler when they’re a little miffed. By the way, is she slowly taking over his mind with this ‘help’ she’s lending? That’d be an interesting twist. Wait, she can shape-shift two? Why does she need his help again?
Huh, now Hans is chatty. Is she manipulating him? Or is this a sudden friendship forming? Cuz I don’t remember your Hans giving a damn about people around him, least of all some random witch. I’m kinda not on board with their new banter however – it kinda wasn’t established and even if Hans is high now on her fumes, I’m still failing to adjust … that sentence sounded weird. Anyway, do people in the Southern Isles just leave apples around? Cuz I wonder what one was doing in the hallway. Wait, didn’t she explained this in an earlier chapter? Did you forget or something? Cuz I remember Ayla spilling the beans about her motive when they met.
Do pregnancy’s hurt so early on? Cuz Elsa shouldn’t be feeling sore so soon.
That’s some logical thinking from somebody who’s grieving, don’t ya think? Why’s Elsa now checking the author’s notes and figuring out what Mia’s being captured for? She should be more hysterical or unreasonable or just plan sad to think up something like that. That’d make more sense out of the mouth of someone who’s actually picked up a lead on Mia’s captors.
Wait, Elsa has to only gestate for seven months? Is it cuz of her powers or something? Cuz it surely hasn’t been four months yet cuz she found out she was pregnant after Mia was captured which you had Anna clearly state was two months ago. Or has Anna already lost time? You’d think a mom would remember something like that.
Wait, when’d Weselton get in on Han’s deal? You can’t have whole kingdoms turn evil just cuz one royal is. Besides, the duke just wanted money, he’s not bloodthirsty like your Hans is.
All-in-all, I enjoyed this chapter. It was nice seeing these people again while I prep up for another Frozen book. It was also nice to flesh out the interactions between the characters who featured here. Could I ask though, will we see the actual search going on? It’d be an interesting buddy cop arc with Kristoff and Odd (nearly wrote Balder) searching for Mia and Kristoff realizing that Odd’s evil now. Anyway, good job.

Writing as I read :D:
Damn, Elsa really wants to end up being diabetic, huh? Sugar AND honey in porridge? Damn, wasn't one enough? Anyway, shouldn't she be concerned that a pet that they've had for over a year suddenly hates Odd? People would be confused or concerned, not amused.
This line was said by a guard after annoucing the discovery of a maid's corpse in the west forest: 'However, there are only a few women who have even left the castle recently, the others all present for the evening meal—and I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. Please, don't make me say it.'. Please elaborate, I don't get it. Also, how do they know Heidi was the dead maid? The guard just said the corpse was too mangled to distinguish. And don't tell me it was from this line, cuz it didn't at that at all.
Uh, what does Ayla mean when she's telling Hans she's keeping them from being detected by magic? Arendelle has magic detectors now? Coulda mentioned that earlier. Also, is it snowing? Cuz Hans didn't have trouble with the cold weather in the movie.
How can Grand Pabbie predict the future? All he could do was erase memories. If you're gonna add powers, at least put them within his range, like mind-control, otherwise it'll just feel random. Also, if he could, then he'd know to tell Elsa's parents not to lock her away and that the gloves wouldn't stop her powers. In fact, since he was reading Anna's mind, he could've told them that 'love' (Disney nonsense) was the 'key' to having her powers controlled. See? If you just add powers randomly, they can also contradict the lore of the story. It'd only work if this was an AU and it clearly isn't.
You're really pushing it here, y'know that? How's camouflage an 'incredible ability' that'd ward off magical detection? All the trolls did was roll up and cover themselves in leaves.
Also, is this gonna be a reference to whack-a-mole? Cuz it'd be hilarious if Hans and Ayla went around with sledge hammers trying to smash the Trolls in the valley.
Ah, well too bad. Why in the hell do the trolls now have magic shields? They're basically a rock version of an African village with Pabbie as the shaman - what is this stuff!? XD, 'the force around the troll immediately began to glow green'? What're they Jedi? Haha - wait, is Pabbie Yoda? Ha! That'd be killer!
Uhh ... This chapter was a okay ... that's it, it was okay - can't say anything more. Only TWO things happened, which is kinda lazy to be honest. Also, you REALLY need to work on your descriptions for actions scenes cuz I was completely confused. All I got from the last sequence was that Grand Pabbie was killed and nothing about how it happened. Not a bad chapter, but it could've had more AND the final action could've had a bit more thought put into it.
Also, how does Hans know about Grand Pabbie? Maybe Ayla since she’s a travelling witch, but how does Hans know? You’ve clearly stated that he was in prison and all the while before that, there has been nothing to indicate that he knows anything about magic, so how does he know so much about the Trolls? And don’t say you just made that up – give a reason.

Writing as I read:
Okay, I'm gonna give you a genuine point of praise in your writing, you're way more descriptive than I am. I don't like spending time in description because it slows the pacing, but your descriptions are pretty good - I could easily see what you're getting at in the paragraphs. Can use some work with aforementioned flaws, but excellent work.
Now, first problem, if Mia has been living in her cell, constantly tortured for a month, wouldn't she be used to having her handlers come in from time to time? The way she's screaming's like it's her first day. By this time, she'd be more timid, if not quiet as to avoid angering them. Which brings up another question, how come she's never used her ice magic or mind controlled someone in an attempt to escape? Okay, by now, she's more complaisant or out of energy, but what about during her earlier days? If so, tell me cuz I skipped a lotta those scene. Also, Mia wouldn't instantly feel confident after a month's time of incarceration as she'd be very untrusting. It'd probably take an equal amount of time or more to regain trust in strangers.
Um, blood is neither hot nor sticky, it's warm and thick - your description of it when Mia accidentally killed a guy is a little off. Also, sorry, but you really need to work on your descriptions of people dying slowly. Try to cut the sequences short and cut down on the fitting/convulsions/dialogue cuz the deaths up till now have made me chuckle.
So, Hans went from the devil into a complete moron. How is she supposed to ever believe that her parents sent her to that place? Hans has done too little to brainwash her for this fake safe attempt to work on her. If this isn't the first part of his plan, then he's an idiot.
Wait, Mia's skin is raw? Shouldn't that cause, well, infection and unrelenting pain? She should be freakin' dead or unable to touch anything, yet along be held without crying like hell. Also, on a minor note, I hope you stopped using lines from the movie in your paragraphs to make your point cuz lines like: 'For the first time in forever, she didn't have a nightmare' and 'The warmth of his skin was comforting, even if the cold did not bother her.' are cringe-worthy.
Shouldn't Anna slip into depression at this point? Like, 'sitting at a window, crying for months over her vampire ex' depressed? Okay, bad reference, but she should be way sadder than she is now, probably becoming cynical because she's lost all hope of finding her. I mean, her daughter was captured during a kingdom-wide attack and she's been gone for a month, that should shatter her soul. Elsa's optimism in the situation is also pretty stupid if you think about it.
Well, this chapter, like many others, was pretty short and I can say it was enjoyable. The end was kinda sloppy and confusing as there was a sudden mention of Seier attacking Odd when he wasn't mentioned to be in the room Arne was in. Also, if your in-law is being attacked by a wild animal, you'd put your all into stopping them even if you're worried about someone else. Depression shouldn't stop you from losing more people. All-in-all, this was an enjoyable chapter.