WOW this is incredible! Only the second chapter and we're right into the action, I think this transition you made worked effortlessly to move from the maunga into this alternate story, looking forward to more!

That was a good story. Lots of action and very in depth. Totally loved it! Thanks for the story.

I WAS WAITING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS!

Sorry for my excitement, but I really was. I've been trying so hard to find a good Attack on Titan Fanfiction story that is exciting, funny, and most of all, well written. You capture the characters' personalities really well, and it really does feel like it's a part of the actual story.

I had been so disappointed looking for a good story and not finding anything, so I'm so glad I stumbled across yours.

I'll be looking forward to the next chapter. :)

More! More I say!

aa, new chapter. please keep going! :).

"...flying bullet speed via Captain Levi." - Great line. Loved that!

Oh wow, great. This story is very dramatic already and feels a lot like the anime. Wonderful job! Can't wait for chapter 3.

The Beast Titan though... O_o Creepy thing.

Wonder what Levi is up to now...

L

Woah - great first chapter. I'm curious to know where this goes now...

L

Yay, another chapter!

I will admit I’m probably closer to Hanji than I realize. I’ve been known to be rather… inquisitive. :)

This is definitely a personal preference, but I feel that it is better in stories to describe the explosion rather than just say BOOM. But, as I said, that’s just me.

How different is Levi in the manga from the anime? Bc in the anime he basically tells Eren to do what he feels is right. Of course, he may have good reason to tell Eren not to transform here if he still cannot control himself 100% in Beast Form.

They can speak?!

Yuck. I hate throwing up and you describe how he feels afterward ickily enough for me to remember it rather well. Yuck.

Haha I like how Mikasa takes care of business here.

AHHHHH AHHH AHH. I had an idea that titans were created from humans but ahhh.

This chapter was very interesting but I think I’m going to try to crash-course through the manga online before I read more. :)

Nitpick
[dropped to his knees and wretched] retched

[gone in spout of gas] did you perhaps mean to have an a in here?

[They’re only hurting are my ears.] You spliced two phrases here. :)

Ahhh I can tell already that I really need to read the manga with the quickness. Some things are a tad bit different than they were in the anime. Like the revolution… I have no idea what’s up with that. Ahh I love how this ties into Trost’s blocked gate as it is honestly the turning point in the series.

Oh you characterize the Wall guards well. Bad for their stomachs, eh? Well they’re bad for titans stomachs, but that doesn’t stop titans from doing what they do. Bwahahahaha! Constipated face, better get that shit out, yo! Love it.
I like how you differentiate between brute strength and intelligently using the strengths of yourself and your allies to the best advantage. This show is not about one person kicking butt and taking names. It’s about a community coming together and working together. Which you do very well. I also like how you capture the dynamic between Levi and Erin so well with Levi talking down to him constantly but Erin somehow getting encouraged by that.

The only thing that is odd is that the beginning seems unrelated. But this is a multi-chapter story that’s not completed. Also, it may relate to my ignorance again.

While I’m unfamiliar with this manga, I enjoyed this first chapter. I really like the opening lines, especially the strong imagery of Trost bracing against the cold winds. The dialogue is also very interesting, but I’m not sure I enjoy the descriptions of the speakers as much. I’m sure you’re intentionally keeping out names, but labels like “frightened one,” “growling man,” “coughing voice,” “frail voice,” and “bored man” are a bit too vague and difficult to keep track of.

I know you want to emphasize “her” and “that’s” and “something" but I think italics are probably sufficient, because the bold face feels unnatural. You also have a few grammatical errors: you’re missing a period after “He’s stirring trouble where he shouldn’t,” and there should probably be some sort of punctuation between “Watch your noisy feet don’t step off the edge.”

That being said, this first chapter really intrigued me. It’s exciting and well-paced. You have a great facility for language and I look forward to reading the next chapter!

I will start by saying I’m happy I tagged you because I’m a huge 進撃の巨人 fan. I hesitated between adventure and romance; finally I set myself on the adventure one, to read while listening to the soundtrack.

I appreciated the first part “as the bell … front gate” which was a useful introduction, enriched by the dialogue between the various people present laying out the situation for us. I love that the people partaking in the conversation have a short description; even if they’re not important we still have an overall idea about who’s talking/what they look like.

Also with the vocabulary you chose you managed to capture the feeling of helplessness in this show “broken/scattered/tired/sallow/raged/bony…” we’re already in the mood, Humanity is indeed doomed lol.

As for the second part, the characterization is good. The way Levi and Eren talk, the way they sit, the way their body react, everything was on point.

I loved Eren’s frustration over the fact that he doesn’t control his power so basically that makes him powerless. But as soon as Eren said “My titan power…” I expected you to add a reference to a past transformation or something for people unfamiliar with the anime.

Same when you mentioned the 3DM gear, for readers who have no knowledge of the show, you should specify that cables were shot using it (in the action sequence in the end), I know it’s tricky to add it and keep the sense of urgency so maybe it’s best to explain its use when you first mention it.

Overall a good and solid first chapter, the shingeki fix I needed.

So this story takes place closer to the current chapter of the manga right? The first chapter felt like an attack on titan episode, first the interesting buildup then Boom! It hits you over the head with something that makes yoy wanna scream and demand for more! Its off to a great store, ur writing is superb and discriptive. And levi and eren were really well done. U portrayed erens struggles really well, the best part had to be how well you captured eren and levis chemistry, when they were speaking, it was like i , could see them, anyway this is a great start :)