Hinata pone a Hinata

Trop drôle.

please get better at writing this is pretty bad

Just a heads up that the following part of the Content Guidelines is broken:

Entries not allowed:
6. Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries.

Please use dialogue similar to "It's unfair," Ino and Tenten said. Add some description and detail in your story.

This is hilariously bad!

This guy is almost 30 and he can't write properly, the idea for the story seemed ok it's why I clicked it. But I'm dying on the inside trying to read it, it's not even proper play format. And plays are dull to read by yourself. I mean the idea seems good, but God is it a terribly written piece of junk, sorry again

Hanabi&Hinata

the fuck is this?

I am now, quite officially disgusted. I've come across a great deal of terrible writing in the many, many years that I have written and perused FFnet, but this, this makes me want to jab my pens into my eyes so that I never have to read this drivel again.

Being that this is a harem story of sorts, I almost have to wonder just how sour your lemons are. Wait, I think I've got it!

Naruto: You like that? Unf.
Hinata: ah ah ah.
Naruto: here comes.
Naruto: was I good?

The answer is an emphatic NO, and I have no desire to read past the first defecation you have posted on this beloved site, seeing as how you have ignored every review that has attempted to help you turn this into an actual story. It is also the reason I see no point in attempting to be constructive. It would be a senseless waste of my time and talent.

To finalize, I will paraphrase Billy Madison: That, is the single stupidest thing I have ever read. At no point in your incoherent rambling, did you come close to anything resembling a story. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

mnnn the idea is good, and I'm not a very good writer but try somethings like:
It was a sunny day in konoha, people were chatting within the markets, laughing at the park, and finally complaining at the ninja academy. why you ask? that's because one Naruto uzumaki, kyuubi jinchuuriki and the yondaime's unknown son was placed in team 7.
Why is team 7 bad you ask? well that's because the rest of the class can't fit within one team, this means only 4 but usually 3 people are allowed! NO EXEPTIONS. now you might be wondering what the young, youthful, and very annoyed teacher did to get his precious students off of his back, well he sent them to his leader the sandaime of course!

HOKAGE OFFICE

Hiruzen hated, absolutley HATED paperwork so when young ino yamanaka and tenten (Don't know) barged into his office asking to be on naruto's team he was happy want to know why? well its not because he's happy his grandson figure is popular, NO its because it gets him away from the dreaded paperwork.

HOPE YOU DON'T MIND WHAT IVE DONE!

This is not how you write a story.

It's not even good as a script.

Dude what the hell is wrong with you please listen to the reviews your just throwing out cap and I checked your other stories. There horrible! First of all add more emotion and try to put yourself in the characters shoes. Think: Is it what they might do in Canon?
How would they do it?
Will the readers look at this and call it dog poop You really need to go back and read them yourself until then do everyone a favour and stop writing until you've taken an extensive creative writing course

You need to either learn how to write or rewrite this so that it makes sense

horrible. this is probably the first story i have ever read that i had absolutely nothing good to say about at all.

No..,just no. This is horrible. Like a fucked up cockroach had hate sex with an even more fucked up cockroach.