I always thought that Hestia would make a great Mom. I think she should adopt more demi-deities. . . . . . ... ..or make 'em her champions. . ...

Please PM me when the re-writes up!

This story is cool! Are you gonna ship Percy and Katie? What about Annabeth?
And yeah, the canon quests are an awesome idea.
I can't wait for the rewrite!

okay ;(

is this going to be a percy katie ship? please do, it would be a possible first
but your story your rules.
love it so far btw
-Jet

I love it and I think he should do quests from Rick riordens series

I love the story but he should meet a nico son of Gaea

Great ending for the chapter it makes me want to read the next chapter and you should make nico son of gaea to be one of his companions

I love it but fix the I thing otherwise it is great, fantastic

Wonderful chapter can't wait for more please update soon.

Really great chapters. Like what you did with who he was blessed by. It keeps the story different but still connects him to the original story. And the ancient laws are an essential part of the gods and them not being able to see their kids and do certain things, which is why demigods are important. Keep doing what you are doing and keep up the good work cant wait to read more.

And there you go. It was going alright, a little iffy here and there but nothing I couldn't handle, and then this. Not only did you apparently make up a new primordial that was basically a good version of Kronos, but you also shat all over the Ancient Laws and for some reason gave Percy the power over water.

You don't have to include the Ancient Laws. It's fanfiction, so you can get rid of them if you really feel like it, but don't include them and then proceed to destroy everything they stand for. It isn't that gods can't be with their demigod children, it's that gods can't be with any mortal or demigod for a long stretch of time. I'm pretty sure that Hestia adopting Percy is against the rules.

Of course, Percy isn't really a demigod is he? He's a demiprimordial, or however you want to call it. This brings me down to my next issue: the fact that you invented some new primordial. Again, it's fanfiction, but considering the situation I think it was a bit unnecessary. I mean, there's already a titan of time that you can use. Even better, Kronos is evil. It would've been interesting to see Percy have some inner struggle in his loyalties. And the fact that being a demiprimordial makes him pretty much unstoppable at some point is kinda dumb too.

Another thing, why does Percy need water powers? It seemed to me like it was just put in there randomly as a second thought. Why would Chronos give him water powers and then stop there? Apparently, giving your half-blood son godly powers is as easy as finding a god and making a request, so what's to stop Chronos from going to like twenty gods and giving Percy a bunch of powers right off the bat? Why water powers in the first place? Is Chronos connected to water in any way at all? Just because it's Percy Jackson, it doesn't mean that he has to have water powers. Especially if he can already control time at will.

So we started off with a nice enough story that was riddled with fixable grammatical errors and ended up with a clichéstorm of ridiculously convenient occurrences and lack of any character conflict.

If I were to be described at the moment, the word would be "cheshire". I like this story already (but that may just be my pride talking). It is well written and has several unique elements about it so it has caught my interest with ease. More is necessary to satisfy me!

not as good as the first chapter but it was good

Nice chapter I really liked it and good idea to use someone that isn't Annabeth to show Percy around camp and great idea to use Primordial Chronos not Titan Kronos