this was a pretty good book. there was missing punctuation in quite a few places, it definitely needs to be proofread. you would also switch from past tense to present tense with some words. there was A LOT of inconsistencies throughout the story. the oc was a vegetarian, then she wasnt. emily had twins but then she only had one kid. emily and sam's son name changed a few times too. i also feel like you didn't quite capture some of the character's personalities too well.
overall it was pretty decent read and i would rate it a 5/10.

if she eats meat then she is not a vegetarian

Nice story. Way too dramatic for my tastes. It took way too long for Sav to figure things out, she didn't appear very smart to me. It bothered me that she was asking for permission from Sam for literally everything, even if she could just go for a walk or run outside, and how she just accepted him basically controlling her life. I would never be okay with that. I found it really weird that Emily was pregnant with twins, and then suddenly it was only one baby. The only other thing that seriously got to me was your consistent use of "was stood" or other variations of this conjugation mistake. Either "she stood" or "she was standing." It's never "she was stood." You do that so much and it always jumped out at me.

Anyways, aside from those few things, great job. And lovely ending. Thank you.

Hi! I just wanted to go on here and let you know there are some inconsistencies in the story. In chapter 1 oc says she isn’t “like other girls” and eats whatever. She wants and isn’t picky because “she’s not a stick thin dancer” anyways in chapter two she says she watches what she eats because she is a dancer or at least was. Then she’s a vegetarian. So my question is, what is she then? To be honest she feels like that one OC Mary Sue “wHo IsNT LiKe OTheR GiRlS” I just would like to see more depth to her character rather than her entire personality being “pink is ugly”. Again I mean this with total respect but in two chapters and I don’t know who she is, except a picky eating orphan who doesn’t like girly things.

Ahh so cute. Good story

I hated math in high school and have learned to appreciate it in college. I was a lot better at it in college than high school. I guess because I had a better attitude about it in college.

I wonder where he got this idea that she is rich? Just because she’s from Chicago? I’ve got some cousins there and they’re poor and I mean there is the Southside which I reckon is low income people.

I wonder why absolutely no one has even explained imprinting to her? I feel like that is something that should be explained to a new member of the pack. I’m sure she’s curious about Jake and Nessie because from the outside looking in that would be super weird to have a big guy running around with what appears to be a child all the time. Same for Claire and Quil.

Finally she’s talking back to him. Have some fire girl! Don’t take his shit.

If she doesn’t find out about everything soon, I’m gonna scream. Good story btw.

This story takes a very non canon approach to imprinting. At least in Paul’s case.

Uh wolf link? They should all know by now that he imprinted on her.

Okay wtf is with Paul. He’s being an absolute dick. I didn’t even know that in the twilight universe a wolf could act like this toward their imprint.

Super glad I found this story

Really enjoyed this story, but I have to say the ending kind of ruined it for me. Can't believe Sam told her to stay gone, and didn't try to get her back. Some brother. And that they had changed her room... :(

I feel heartbroken for Paul, what a sad life. Happy that they got their happy ending in the end.