I absolutely adore this story and am really hoping that you update it soon. I know it’s a bit of a slow start, but you are merely letting us see how life has gone down the drain for Kag and her brother; it’s making her a much more solid and realistic figure overall. Please update soon.

Loved it update soon

I found the story a bit confusing but from the reviews that I've seen posted, a couple of people are giving you some great pointers to make the story flow.

To be honest, it's already been eight chapters and the story hasn't budge other than to show what a hard and struggling life Kagome is having so far. Nothing makes sense. The grandfather on her mother's side passes away and all of a sudden aunts and uncles comes out of the wood work. Her mother is actually her aunt and gets the kids taken away from her and is kicked out of the shrine.

Her grand parents on her father's side is alive and paying child support which her mother is drinking away and is found to be a prostitute. The synopsis of the story states that her father is actually still alive and youkai are hiding in her family but we haven't gotten anywhere near the story line that would make the story interesting.

The story idea is great but it is just taking too long to get there (for me). I'll probably wait for several more chapters to post before reading again to see if the story pace changes. Keep writing. It looks like you have a good numbers of favs and following. This post isn't meant to discourage or flame you but offer a little constructive critique.

Your story has great potential but it is a little bit hard to understand the dialogues since you don't know who is talking. A little bit more description would be great rather than having it purely conversation.

For example rather than doing it like this:

Souta and Kagome talking

"Hey, Souta is everything alright? Did something happen? Are you hurt?"
"Geez, I'm just fine. Stop being such a worrywart."

You could do it this way:

"Hey, Souta is everything alright? Did something happen? Are you hurt?" Kagome asked her brother with a worried look on her face while checking if Souta had any injuries.

Souta raised his hands to placate his sister, rolling his eyes he answered, "Geez, Kagome, I'm just fine. Stop being such a worrywart."

Well I guess I'm just rambling but I hope this helps you somehow. A little fixing and your story would be really great since you have a good plotline.

Great story so far, can’t wait to see what happens next.

What a great story

HI , ,I LIKE YOUR FANFIC...HOPE YOU INTEND TO STICK WITH IT TIL IT IS COMPLETE...I REALLY LIKE THE DIFFERENT PLOT IN THE STORY...NICE TO SEE A DIFFERENT TAKE TO THE STORY-LINE...KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK...LOOKING FORWARD TO READING THE NEW CHAPTERS...TDANIEL

Really tried hard to give this a chance, but it's hard to follow what's happening. The dialogue is inconsistent, sometimes it's just listed and other times you can actually tell who's speaking. There's a bare minimum of description of the scene and there are no gaps to let you know that it's a different scene. Perhaps a beta to help you get going and stay in a rhythm?

Update. Update. Update. Update~! Now! Please!

i really like this story. can't wait to see what happens and to find out who Kagome's date was. I love that she is taking care of Sota and what he said to their grandparents was great. looking forward to when you update.

great story. keep writing. update soon. I can't wait to read more! This is getting interesting.

O_O OMG that woman is... horrible, and I really hope Kagome can leave that place soon. the man in the date... he is Kagome Uncle? so that means that she have two brothers or sisters more, twins?.. OMDG I realy love this fic please continue soonn (I cant help but ask for more chapters)

um...lots and LOTS of code...

A couple things:

First, chapter four's formatting is kinda strange and messed up. Please fix it so I can read it! :P

Second: please research what Japanese words to use. Ai can also mean sorrow, and I don't think it fits the form of what you are trying to say. I personally dislike random romanji in a fanfic unless it's really well done or being used in a subject form like: "Kagome sat under the kotasu." I generally assume that when a fan fiction is taking place in Japan, they speak Japanese unless stated otherwise. That makes random Japanese kind of weird and hard to read.

Third: If you really want to keep the Japanese romanji in, please put the definitions at the bottom of the chapter. When in the middle of the paragraph like that it disrupts the flow of the story an makes it look amateurish. For example:

"souta said "gomen""
(Bottom of page under separation line)
*gomen- one of the phrases in Japanese to apologize.

That will make the story flow better, and in turn sound better. One story that uses the Japanese language well in her fan fiction like you is "Benten's Lesson" by melanippos. It's still in progress, and it's a sesshoumaru and kagome fanfiction, but it's really good and I recommend it.

Sorry for the information dump and everything, and if I came off blunt. I'm using my phone to type this and it keeps autocorrecting and messing up. I did like reading your story so far. If you want to PM me, I'm avaloable at Windblowntraveler on this website. :)

Have a nice day!

~windblowntraveler

Something is wrong with the format of this chapter I can't read it