This is really good. I hope you continue writing this story.

Naomi is an OC that you have not tagged. Repair this as soon as you can.

update soon

Oh ma gosh! Cant wait for the next chapter!

PLEASE UPDATE. IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE THE LAST ONE.

Is this still alive?
Has LOTS and LOTS of potential.

FAVED n' FOLLOWED.

Well this is an... Interesting concept...

I'm actually intrigued on what this story will bring. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, so don't you disappoint me, bro. :)

First of all, the script format is not allowed on . I know and I agree it's rather stupid but them's the stakes.

Secondly, your summary itself is full of errors. Twice, you use commas when you should have just used regular periods. Furthermore "transport" means to either "take or carry (people or goods) from one place to another by means of a vehicle, aircraft, or ship" or "overwhelm (someone) with a strong emotion, especially joy" (to be honest, I never knew that second definition existed. Dang. You learn something new everyday).

As for the story itself... it's hard to say. Dialogue's fine, I guess, but there really isn't much of it at this stage. For the meaty bits, such as when you describe Arfoire, you're very list-like in your descriptions and each item of interest feels very disconnected from the previous one.

That's all I have for now, although that's more due to not caring enough to pick out the other mistakes. Farewell.