Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.

As much as I like the idea, it needs one thing, one simple thing: Punctuation

I didn't want to be rude but your writing sucks.

Relax and let your story flow. Not all of your english or grammar has to be perfect. I encourage you to work on your english and will be always delighted to see how your story and english develop as you mature in the writing process. I hope that you will persevere through the trials of learning english and I truly hope to see your story develop.

All the best,
Vaultcat.

You said you were new to English so allow me to explain some of the things that are wrong.

I'm not exactly that great at English either but I'll try my best to explain.

First of all, punctuation. You need to capitalize the first letter of your scentences and names. Also add periods (or ?, !, whatever else is needed) to the end of your scentences. Also put "quotation marks" around speech.
Another thing I noticed is that you need to decribe what is happening more. For example, instead of just having Lelouch think he is hungry and magically be by the fridge, describe how he left the room he was in and made his way to the kitchen. Try describing what the rooms look like, or what new characters look like or maybe what the characters are doing.
As for the plot itself, it's actually not that bad.

Hope that helps!

It's funny how badly this story flows.
I love it.

1. your format is terrible
2. your english is terrible
3. read some other fan fics and tell me what's wrong with yours

Punctuation, Grammar, Spelling, ENGLISH? Have you ever heard about those things?

Its good cant wait to see were you take this