This is such an interesting pairing that I had never thought of being together. You're very very devoted to it. You conjure emotions into your writing really well. It certainly grasped my attention. This story wasn't long, but it definitely kept my interest. You have a talent for capturing and reading the reader's attention. I applaud you for that.

You certainly are devoted to this pairing, aren't you?

While the details of how Hermione managed to have a secret relationship with Barty are not provided, you do bring her emotions across clearly. You have some nice phrasing here, although I can't figure out if the part about people dumping cold water on her to wake her up in the first sentence was supposed to be a metaphor or literal.

Wow, you write angst really well. I've never read Hermione/Barty before, but this was really interesting and what I especially liked is that this could apply to many different pairings - not using the characters' names was a lovely touch. One thing I would improve on is maybe not using so many sentence fragments (sentences without an active verb) as they tend to break up the flow of the story. Otherwise, great job!

Short, but I like it.

[To be in a world where he (no) longer existed.] I think this sentence is missing a "no".

[How they did when he was alive that is, he wasn't any longer.] This sentence is awkward. I understood what you tried to say, but it could be rephrased to clarify.

Besides those mistakes, there are many more awkward sentences which are not easily understood. In some other places there are missing commas: [Everytime someone shook her shoulder, called her name, dumped a bucket of ice cold water over her sleeping form(,) she was shocked to open her eyes and not meet his.].

The hospital's name is St. Mungo's.

The storyline was not difficult to understand, but fixing those mistakes would make it easier. I suggest you consider a Beta reader to help you with that.

About the story, I liked Hermione thinking a soulless body is dead; it makes more dramatic the fact that she is in a coma. Still, I didn't get why she is in a coma, could you please clarify that?