I really enjoyed your story.
Your chAracters had distinct voices which a lot of authors struggle with.
Louk reminds me very much of Kage from the Last Chancers novels. They were the first experience I ever had with Warhammer, a beat up novel picked up Freshman year of high school at a yard sale. Needless to say they had a huge impact on me. What more does a kid that age need then tales of dirty, daring deeds? Of heroes that are only slightly better then the villains themselves, but who still keep fighting..

Anyway, your story really reminded me of those novels and I loved it.

Dude this was great. My heart broke when Anna died PepeHands. We need a short sequel to this.

Dude this story is great so far. I get really depressed when reading the Present Day chapters though. Couldn’t you at least have made Louk a little less sad lol.

Damn, I actually felt sad when that last soldier died at the end there, even if he’d just been included in a few sentences. At least he got off that last pot shot.

A wonderful work of art... ruined at the end by author's hubris.

If this was to be published as a real wh40k book it would be one of the best.
I have read a shit ton 40k stories and this is one of the very best i really enjoyed every chapter and hope you Will continue making writing this kind of amazing stories.
(sry for english am dutch)

This story broke me dude. I've never read something as unfathomably well-written as this, something so excellent my confidence in my own writing is shattered.

I sympathize with the characters, the villains, feel the despair and happiness in every moment, conveying the spirit of the story's people with a skill few writers on this site have.

This ended so tragically, yet so beautifully. Thank you for writing this.

"The memory of teasing her rose" - What?! "unbidden to his mind" - Oh. Verb. Right.
"Helsing would hardly approve" - after last chapter I wish he wouldn't. Now this entire story feels it could be summed up with a picture of Daddy Helsing having a Talk with Little Louk about how today he's going to become a man. By fucking an aaaylien. And the picture start zooming in and shaking like crazy and tinting red as their sweating faces and bulging eyes are pressed uncomfortably against each other.
"Louk studied the Lidrana " - minus the the.
"mouth parted in a silent pant as he teased her toes with a soft blowing breath" - so now he's a footfaggot as well as a race-mixing heretic. This is going well.

"He skin white as freshly fallen snow" - her
"just for three bliss." - days bliss
"skimmers" - aaaaand he fucked a Deldar. This man is clearly extra-heretical, and should by all rights be blammed. Seriously. He might as well have sworn his soul to Slaanesh while he was at it.

frolicking through a field of fecking flower!" - is this how you refer to multiple rice grains as rice? I've never heard flowers referred to like this, but for all I know there might be some obscure grammatical rule stating that this is an okay way to refer to many flowers. Either way, I find it distracting from what I think is otherwise a very nice rant.
"It's making me choose some bad decisions" - No, I'm quite sure one doesn't choose bad decisions, you just make them.

s/10057557/42/That-Which-Is-Forbidden
"gorgeous smile that stopped her heart" - Hers, really?
"flicking water and soap and their corporal." - woah, that's pretty rad.
"to hide her from his sight. And her from his." - Don't you mean the other way around the second sentence; and him from hers? But I still don't see how that works either, burrying your head in the sand doesn't make you invisible...
"And they the hell is Gutterball in here with you?" - why the hell
"This job if balls-hard enough without you morons starting trouble." This job *is* balls-hard.
And here I was wondering if the Witch was just a perv or this was her way of untraumatizing him from her previous psychic assault. And then I dismissed the perv angle because of all the other ascetism displayed by her. Now I just feel stupid.

Typo: "Madrana continued to pcomplete dozens"
"Admiration and love, admiration and hate, they are not inclusive terms" - mutually exclusive, I think would be the correct terms here.

"A quick shower and a He picked the bar least likely" - what?

"He held onto her, held onto the sickly, gasping woman that carried his…" - BULLSHIT, that's not how genes work!

"her salads more filling" - BULLSHIT, salad is never filling!
"it would be best to put it all to parchment" - in the grim, dark future, there are no cogitator text editors.
"A comparatively small satchel hung from his belt" - her.
"That will do for Geori" - Greori?
"Peppe wouldn't do that. She never upset an-" after she bit the dick off her last customer. I guess Louk can be excused under the circumstances, though.
"They welded it to her spine" - Pretty sure spine doesn't weld. Eh, whatever.