Please please please update update!

Interesting

This is a sad chapter! It literally made me cry!

Hm...I wonder how Natsume will react to her outburst. Can't wait to see the actual chapter 19! I did notice a few mistakes though.

First, you should add a comma after 'dammit' and put a period after 'Polka.' Then it becomes this, "dammit, Polka. How many times..." It sounds better this way.

Then, "you have a new alice, the stealing alice." You should replace the comma into a semicolon.

Side Note: remember to capitalize the beginning of sentences. You didn't do it here, "yeah, yeah I know..." (P.S, you should add a comma after the second 'yeah' as well) and here, "idiot, you can steal other..." (P.S, you should put either a period or a semicolon in place of the comma.)

The next line, don't use 'wut' or 'u.' It's very informal and mostly used in texts or other social media; not writing. Use 'what' and 'you' instead. Also, end the sentence with a question mark, because it's a question; not a statement.

Then, "mou, Natsume I'm new to this alice world remember?" You should put a period or semicolon after 'Natsume' and a comma before 'remember.'

Another thing, 'I watch as a bright light started to appear.' It's 'watched' not 'watch;' make sure your tenses are correct.

Also, don't capitalize 'chest' in the next line. It's not a name of something, so there's no need to capitalize it. Same thing as the 'he' after that, because there's a comma before it; not a period.

Here, "when the word "Please" left my mouth..." you don't need to capitalize 'please' either.

After that, you used 'u' again, and also capitalized it for no reason. Change it to lower case and replace it with 'you.' Also, I think you should use the word 'would' instead of 'could.'

Side Note: 'up coming' is actually one word: 'upcoming.'

Next line, you used too many 'ands' in the sentence. Usually you only have one 'and' in a sentence, unless you're trying to emphasis something. Ex: "he clawed, and kicked, and screamed, and cried." It's emphasizing what he was feeling/doing, and so it's allowed to have more than one 'and.' Here, you should just put a period after 'Natsume,' delete the 'and' after that and start a new sentence. "...Ran towards Natsume. I started to pound..." It sounds much better.

Here, "please let me do it," should have a comma after 'please.' Then, "Natsume Please Live," has all three words capitalized when only one is supposed to be; his name. The other two are supposed to be lower cased, unless there were exclamation marks, question marks or periods in between; which there aren't. Also, there should be a comma after 'Natsume.'

Also, "but my tears was fogging up my vision." It's 'were' not 'was' because it's plural.

"...If you do... Then What?" You didn't need to capitalize 'then' or 'what.' Then, 'how can I stand and watch that' should end in a question mark instead of a period since it's a question. The next sentence doesn't need a comma at all.

Here, "my tears continue to fall" should be 'continued' instead of 'continue.' Also, don't ever start a sentence with 'and;' it's bad grammar.

Lastly, I don't understand why you added bar lines. The scene didn't change, neither did the point of view. In other words, the bar lines were unnecessary.

Overall, good. Can't wait to read more. Hope you update soon! :D

Good chapter

Please UPDATE soon, I just love this story!

Nxt Update plssss...I love this story :)

hahaha wth jessie,why did u said that, this is great that some event on the original was adopted this is great . some scene are funny and it's so cool :D.. pls update soon

ohh they are really so so cute ..

Ohhh! I can't wait to see what happens next. What will they do when they find out she has another alice? Persona was a little OOC but it was a really good chapter. Please update!

The stealing alice Wow

Oh ok

What does C.R stand for?

What's Code C.R? In my country ( the Philllipines ) although I don't live there anymore, C.R. means the bathroom... *snickers* Its more important than your cat its Code Bathroom.

yay I. CAN' !
UPDATE SOON!