Well, I didn't expect to read this when I reached chapter 7.
First, let me tell you that he there were still some unbalanced sentences, they were way fewer so the style was a lot smoother.

It's strange though, I found your Matt to be clearer in the beginning than in the end. I thought he didn't want to bother with other people and that it was his reason for pretending to be deaf. If so, why did he help Mello? Why didn't he question more his being friend with Mello?

I liked your Mello, mentally weak but serious at work.

I noticed you liked to create a symmetry between them : Mello reads about pirates, Matt does too. Mello is bullied, so is Matt. I can't know if you were planning to use this for your plot. But you know, they don't have to have something in common everytime.

So now, the question is, will you continue this? Well, to be honest, I think I did not get sucked in this story enough that I'd truly be sad if I never got to read the end. However, by principle, to me, a finished story is better than an unfinished one. You never know. I told you before, I've already read a story on this theme, so it's another reason why I don't mind that much. Every body is not the same. Maybe someone will start this fic in a month, and love it but will be deprived of an ending. I can't know what changed exactly for you. Do you disagree with the plot? With the style? Is it completely incompatible? Maybe you can still change what you don't like. And maybe you feel bad about the story as a whole. Don't force yourself to finish this if it means fighting against yourself. But do try to see if maybe you can still make it into something you'd like. It's sad when a story dies without closure.

Whatever you may do, and even though I found some elements incoherent, I had a nice then reading and thank you for it.

Hi there!

So I hope it doesn't annoy you to read this but I really wonder about you age. Maybe my impression of how a 16 year old should sound like is biased, after all, I'm over 20 and not English (or American, Australian, Indian,... You see my point) so maybe this cultural gap is the reason why I was surprised when I discovered Matt and then Mello were well into their teens. However, I don't think so.

To me, the way they speak is too childish and I thought they were preteens. For Matt, I can understand because he says he is still a child inside. Well, I believe him. But what about Mello? From what I gathered, he had to grow up fast for his sister. I couldn't feel the maturity here.

I don't think you don't have this maturity in mind, the problem comes from your style. If their thought process is good, the way they make their sentences is not. Too many repetitions. Some sentences are a bit like that (though I worsened it for explanatory purpose)
"I didn't like being part of a gang so I told the gang I wanted to leave the gang. The gang was not happy but I still left the gang"
Now, I think a 16 year old, recognised as a genius, would not speak this way. By using pronouns and synonymous, you can express the same idea, less clumsily. For instance:
"I didn't like being part of a gang so I told the other members I wanted out. They didn't agree but I didn't care and quitted anyway"
See my point?

So maybe English is not your mother language too (though I tend to assume people are American or Canadian) then try to expand your vocabulary and don't forget that dictionaries exist. dictionary. com's thesaurus is rather good for instance. Maybe you are from an English speaking country. Then just use all the width of your vocabulary.

Maybe the problem is less about vocabulary and more that you are insecure about your readers understanding. Well, here is a basic rule in theater that any artist should remember nowadays, in my humble opinion. Never think your audience is less intelligent than you are. Never. If you think you're able to understand something, others will understand, and they'll love you more because you made them feel intelligent. This is how not to close the door to one of the scarcer but great element in a text, subtlety.
Well, you may feel this rule is more about plot and less about style. That's kind of true but really, we do have memory so if you use a pronoun, we should know what word it's replacing. If you're using a word we don't know, we can look it up and feel we learned something new. And if something is just impossible to understand, there will be someone to tell you. Don't forget you can always change your texts after they are published. :)

Now, I don't have much to say about the plot, it's only the first chapter. I like the idea of Matt having a secret. Your particular plot reminds me of a story I read some years ago where Matt decided talking brought troubles so he stopped it, to the point that people in Whammy thought he was truly mute... Something like that. Anyway...
One thing though, if you made the reason why Matt was chosen by Whammy clear, the same can't be said about Mello.

Anyway, I'll go back to your story, I wonder what the story will look like with these two dysfunctional characters... Could be good!

This is an interesting idea, but I suggest you get a beta to read through and cixx your spelling/grammar mistakes; there are quite a few.

please please continue i love the story

Heh. Go Matt! nice chappy I like it and I cosplay Mello

Me and my friend do multiple cosplay/roleplays. For matt/Mello I'm Matt, for l/light I'm L (I am also sometimes bb)

I haven't read it, but I think I will. Matt's protective of Mello. How cute!

I love this story so please update faster

This is really cute! And thanks because it has inspired me too write something else! Keep it up!

Hm. So now they know the other exists. It's a small, but important step.

I like this story a lot.

Small piece of advice. Make them into smaller paragraphs. It's easier to read and find your place if you get lost. Other than that, this story is interesting. I'd like to see where it goes.

please continue

I have to say, I really like how this came out. :) If I had any suggestions as far as your writing, it'd be to separate things a little so they're not just one big paragraph. Other than that, I loved it.