I thought I should let you know that your chapter 3 appears to be missing, replaced by a copy of chapter 2, and chapter 4 seems to continue off from the missing chapter. I never thought I would place the word chapter 4 times in one sentence. lol.
Anyway, I like the flow of the story, this seems to be one of the more creative oc inserts out there. Keep up the good work! :)

this is great! i seem to have a love for OC inserts, but you're doing a really good job! unlike many other stories, you actually group up with other people, which is nice to read. and adding Tomi was a good choice too! i hope to see more of him in the future. anyway, i'm not the best at constructive critcism, but i did notice that you called the first town by the wrong name...isn't it called the town of beginnings? anyway, you're doing a great job, and i'm looking forward to the next chapter!

The flow of the story is much better now, and while there are some discrepancies, they're light enough to be allowed for author interpretations.

I'll pm you some nit picks later.

I hadn't noticed the early chapter corrections till now but much better. I find myself looking forward to reading the next paragraph. Keep it up!

Things done well: I like the way you've inserted your OCs into the world. It's fairly engaging and well written.

Things I feel are wrong:
I don't think light blue was an option for a starting default hair color. I also feel like hair colors didn't actually change outside of Klein's, but I could be wrong.
Silica never joined Titan's hand, and in fact the leader of Titan's Hand may not have actually been in the guild itself (people can see the guild symbol so it would have given clues). I also feel it's too early for Titan's hand to exist, but I could be wrong.
Missing is the fact that Silica was the first one to panic after the shocking introduction, and she bumps into a large stomach.
Silica, as one of the few REAL cute girls of SAO would have had party requests up the wazoo full of ulterior motives. And many formed a fan club and basically made her an idol.
I understand the need to 'split up' with Silica, but its always hard to trust new people, and 2 girls together would have been a guy magnet beyond comfortable. I also feel like Silica wouldn't have the courage to play the game of death until much later than 2 weeks, and thus splitting up with you sooner, especially to avoid the public.

The Guidebook is FREE, but NOT a default item. Argo the Rat, an Information Broker, gave out the updated GuideBook (with the boss information) for free just before the meeting.

Aside from my nitpicks, I like the concept and overall direction of the story so far. Looking forward to the story's OC party development.

write more
PLEASE