Hi! I don't know how good my fics will be, but I will post them anyway.

IMPORTANT!!! I need to know what everyone wants Harry's job to be in Flying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is EXTREMELY helpful to me if you tell me any ideas you have in regards to the fics I write. I am running out of ideas for my Fruits Basket/Harry Potter cross-over Escape From The Good Life Turned Bad, so any ideas would be very much appreciated.

Because I might forget disclaimers, please refer to this: I do not own anything that you recognize. All I own is probably the plot.

Also, 'Singing' is up for adoption. Message me if you want it. Feel free to destroy it and rewrite it completely, change the songs or whatever. If you want it, it's yours.

I love beta-ing fics, if you are looking for a beta, try me!
I am also take fan art requests for people. I'd be happy to make you some cover-art or alter pics/draw pics for anyone's fics.

About me:

Gender: Female

Animes/mangas: Kingyo Sou, The Wallflower, Kenichi:HMD, Avatar The Last Airbender, Ouran HSHC, and Fruits Basket are my favorites

Music: Adam Lambert, MCR, Shontelle, Paramore, OneRepublic, The Ministry of Magic, Eminem, Toybox, Beyonce, Evanescence, lots of musical's sountracks...

TV shows: NCIS, Merlin, White Collar, Sherlock, Supernatural

Books: Bloody-Jack series, Harry Potter series, Temeraire Series,The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time...

Quotes!!!

“Dobby didn't mean to kill anyone. Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure.”

"¿TE HAS VUELTO LOCA? ¿ERES UNA BRUJA O NO?"-HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY? ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT? - Ron to Hermione, from Harry Potter

“Approaching fast is a boggart. This ought to be interesting. I kick Tantor into a charge. The boggart begins to twist and take shape as we close with it. The face sends chills down my spine. My fear isn't a Dementor anymore. It's the only one I've ever really feared.

‘You can't stop me, Potter. You're luck won't last.’ The screams of Lord Voldemort rock me to my core as we run him down.

His less than human hands flail at the sides of the rhino, trying to hold on. As it gets closer to Hermione, I hear it say, ‘He doesn't need you anymore. Even if he did, you will fail him when he needs you the most!’

Using my free hand, I punch it in the face and it slides off, getting a taste of the rhino's back leg. We charge onward in a nervous moment of silence.

Hermione clears her throat breaking the tension. ‘So, what happened to your fear of Dementors?’

‘I've gotten the better of them too many times for them to be a threat.’

‘…and that was Voldemort?’

‘Yup.’

‘How's it feel to trample your worst fear into the ground?’

‘Actually, pretty good. I enjoyed it."

http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/3384712/19/The_Lie_Ive_Lived

"Say you will not go back!' Dobby squeaked.

'Fine, I won't go back!' Harry hissed. 'I won't go back to Hogwarts.'
Dobby nodded. 'You is doing the right thing, sir.'

CRACK

The elf was gone and the bubble disappeared.
Harry snorted. 'Fat chance I'm gunna keep that promise."

-A Different Life (I highly recommend that you read this fanfic)

"Like…like afternoon tea?’ Jake suggested, trying to figure out why America didn't have an excuse for a sugary mid-afternoon snack like other countries did.”
http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/5351693/1/Discovery

"Draco caught his attention by declaring. "I had to battle a troll to get Dudley out of the house."
Dudley rolled his eyes and Lupin and Harry snickered – they'd already heard this. "I told you that was my Aunt Marge – her hair was in rollers and she had a green beauty mask on. I can't believe you screamed 'Troll!' when you saw her."
"I didn't scream ... I shouted." Draco hissed.
Dudley chortled. "You screamed like a girl."
http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/4923158/1/3-Slytherin-Marauders

(1/23/11 @ 7:29 pm) 94.7 Fresh fm (radio): “I’d like to point out that Tayler Swift and Jakey-poo aren't together anymore.”

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by." Jack Sparrow

"Me? I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man, you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid." Jack Sparrow

Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies.
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.

(Elizabeth sets fire to everything)
Jack Sparrow (horrified): NONONONO! NOT good! You're burning all the food, the shelter... the RUM! Why is the rum gone.
Elizabeth: One: because it is a *vile* drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire royal navy is out looking for me, do you think there is even the slightest chance they wont see it?
Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone!?

This Applies To All The Following 'Things to do' Lists:
If you get in trouble, tell people you are doing an experiment on human reactions and how this affects social interaction. The bigger words you use, the least likely people will be to question you further.

16 Things to do in Walmart:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Things to do in an elevator:

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9.MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, gri nning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style "is that your final answer?"
32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"
34. TELL people that you can see their aura.
35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
38. Start a sing-along.
39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors
40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.
43. Get a friend and make up a stupid rhyme. Then one of you is in there and the other comes in and you do the rhyme until either you have finished or the security had come to get you out.
44. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
45. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
46. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
47. Bring a chair along.
48. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
49. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"
50. Find a crowded elevator and pace back and forth inside it.
51. Wait til the door is almost closed then pry the doors apart with a painful expression on your face.
52. Wander from corner to corner of the elevator during the course of the journey.
53. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally
54. Hum the first seven notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.
55. Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.
56. Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"
57. Sit in the corner, rocking back and forth, muttering to yourself in a loop "And when it finishes going down it goes up and people get on but when they get on they always get off and the ones getting off are never the ones getting on and the doors open but they always close but when the doors close no one gets on and it goes down and when it finishes going down it goes up..."
58. stare at particular people with binoculars, and inform them that they have very nice ears.
59. Do all of these things with a friend, while both of you are wearing trench coats and dark glasses.

Ways To Annoy Your Teacher/Things to do in School:

1. When the teacher calls your name at roll call, you answer “Absent”.
2. When the teacher asks a question, raise your hand. If the teacher calls on you, ask if you can go to the bathroom.
3. Put too many staples on your paper when you staple it. Extra points if you make a good design with them.
4. Bring brightly colored notebook paper to write on. Examples: neon pink, purple, red, orange, green…and so on.
5. When your teacher asks a question, wiggle in your seat and shout “I know, I know!”
6. Laugh out loud for no reason.
7. Keep dropping your pencil.
8. After every time the teacher explains something ask “is that going to be on the test?”
9. After every time the teacher explains something say “well, duh”.
10. Yell “Yessssssssss” after every time you finished something. Anything.
11. Read your math book when you are supposed to be reading history. If the teacher asks why, say “oh, how did that get there?”
12. Knock a heavy text book off your desk again…and again…and again….and again…
13. Never look up a word in the dictionary. Always ask your teacher.
14. Where sunglasses inside. Even if it is cloudy.
15. If you can, get the necessary materials to take over the p.a system. Then, play forty minutes of your favorite cd over it. Extra points if you do not get caught.
16. Gather your stuff ten minutes before class ends.
17. Run out of the classroom right after the bell. Before the teacher dismisses you.
18. When the teacher ask a question, wave your hand like a palm tree in a hurricane and say “pick me, pick me!” When the teacher finally calls on you, say “never mind”.
19. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you, look innocent and say “I was just stretching”. 25. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you say “I wasn’t paying attention”.
20. When your teacher asks a question, wiggle in your seat and shout “I know, I know!”
21. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.
22. Address the teacher as "your excellency".
23. Ask whether you have to come to class.
24. Speak only in rhymes.
25. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
26. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.
27. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"
28. On the first day of school correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
29. As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.
30. Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.
31. When the teacher asks a question, raise your hand. If the teacher calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different person each time.
32. Bring a tape player and a tape of a thunderstorm. Keep it hidden. Sometime during the lecture, start the tape, stand up, claim that the professor has angered the gods and leave. Watch to see how many students follow you after the tape starts playing.
33. Make reserved seating cards and place them on the desks before class.
34. Bring a light bulb. Hold it over your head whenever you have the answer to a question.
35. Buy a watermelon. Give it to the professor. If he/she asks, say "They were out of apples."
36. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
37. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
38. End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".
39. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
40. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera- style, and hand that in.
41. Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks.
42. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
43. Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)
44. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.
45. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.
46. Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.
47. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
48. When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
49. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.
50. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
51. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
52. Write out plan on how to conquer the world and turn it in to a teacher instead of the report you were supposed to write.
53. Ask questions while trying not to use any nouns or make any sense. ex: I have a question: When you said that we should get that thing over there with the stuff on it, did you mean the thing that, you know, had the stuff with the (mumbles) . . . over there. . . .Well, do you?
54. When the teacher turns his/her attention to you and calls you to answer the question, act as if you're an undercover agent and refuse to give information.
When forced to type up an essay or project, put the whole thing in one of those whacky fonts (the ones that are all symbols and the sort) then act confused when your teacher can't understand it.
55. When you have a 2000 word essay due, hand in two pictures related to the topic. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words, right?
56. When a teacher explains something, raise your hand and say "I don't get it". They'll say, "What don't you get?" You look at the handout or notebook paper you have and say, "How do they make a really big tree into this thin piece of paper?"
57. Look ahead in the textbook and learn the info. When your teacher is trying to teach it, raise your hand and give away the whole lesson in like 30 seconds.

Things to do While Taking An Exam:

1) Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say oh geez, better get cracking'' and do some gibberish work.

2) Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!''

3) If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the surface integral symbol.

4) Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.'' Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6) Bring cheerleaders.

7) Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?''

8) On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

9) Bring your pet fish in his fish bowl and say it's your lucky charm.

10) Bring your Nintendo DS and turn the volume up full blast.

11) Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out Merry Christmas.'' If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat the process every fifteen minutes.

12) Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

13) Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

14) Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up. For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

15) Bring things to throw at the instructor when he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest you.

16) Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc.)

17) Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

18) Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out Fuck this!'' and walk out triumphantly.

19) Arrange a protest before the exam starts (e.g. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour.)

20) As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it

21) Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him in a very derogatory tone, The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!''

22) Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

23) Bring a water pistol with you. 'Nuff said.

24) Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

25) Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

26) Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise your're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.''

27) After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him.

28) Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

29) Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

30) Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say it helps me think.'' Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase Told you so.''

31) Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

32) Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

33) Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

34) If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

35) Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

36) During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

Thing to do in A Movie Theater:

1. Go to order a large popcorn(like the biggest one they have). When they give it to you, look at it, then throw it on the floor angrily and start crying for no reason.

2. Wait until there's a funny part in the movie. When the laughter starts to die down, scream at the top of your lungs.

3. Before the movie starts, sit near the front. Start moaning loudly and dancing wildly.

4. At the end of the movie, when the credits are rolling, stand up quickly and try to convince everyone that there's a secret scene before the credits end. While everyone stays to watch the "Secret Scene"(which does not exist) stand up and leave without anyone noticing.

5. Pretend to cough wildly and die when the trailers are playing.

6. If the theater is packed and a stranger sits next to you, go "Oh my god, is... is that you?" From here you can take many approaches. One is,"I haven't seen you in ages! Give your buddy a hug!" Another is,"You lying bastard! What the hell were you thinking?" Angrily move to another seat if you choose the latter.

7. Try to see how many pieces of popcorn you can put in the hair of the person in front of you without them noticing.

8. Come inside the theater in the middile of a movie. Walk along the front where evertone can see you. Trip and fall, then quietly slip out of the theater.

9. During the movie, keep turning around to look at the person behind you in an annoyed manner.

10. Get a group of friends to walk into a theater as a crowd of zombies. Limp and moan your way to your seats.

11. Go to the front where you buy the tickets. Order tickets for 3 different movies that all start at the same time. When the ticket seller asks you about this, walk out and don't come back.

12. Wear a really tall hat and sit in front of someone. When they ask you to take it off, take out a pair of scissors and start destroying the hat.

13. Wear and eyepatch and buy some popcorn. When your in the theater, ask everyone around you in a sinister voice(and a British accent) "Would you... would like some of my...my popcorn Sir or Madame?" Say the Sir or Madame part to everyone, even if you know if it's a man or woman.

14. Shout one word: FIRE!!! Then run.

15. Sit in the back and bring a water bottle. In the middle of the movie, say very loudly, "Damn, when is this movie gonna end? Gotta pee. Gotta pee!" Open the water bottle slightly and spray the people near you.

16. Wait until someone sits next to you. Wait a while, then pretend to fall asleep. Snore in an annoying way and drool as much as you can.

17. Get a cell phone and put the volume all the way up. Get the ringtone from the series 24 if possible. If you can't get that ringtone, get one that sounds very proffesional and serious. Have a friend call you during a quiet scene. Answer it loudly and say, "Damn it! They're here... right now? I knew this day would come." Get up to leave and before you exit say, "Ladies and gentlemen, there's no need to be alarmed. Now I need you to listen to me. STAY IN THIS THEATER UNTIL I COME BACK." Then run out humming the Mission Impossible theme.

18. Near the end of the movie, say "Holy elevators Batman!" then run out.

19. Sit at the top and block the projection with your hand.

20. After the movie ends, run to the bathroom and sit on the floor and cry. Whe people ask what's wrong, tell them that the movie scared you(works even better if it was a comedy or an animated film)

409 Things I’m not allowed to do at Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

13) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

14) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to use it

15) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive

16) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Kinghts of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

17) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"

18) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

19) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

20) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

21) I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

22) I will never ask Harry if his Voldy senses are tingling.

23) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

24) Gryffindor’s sword is not an acceptable replacement for a cake knife, even if it’s eaten in the Gryffindor common rooms to celebrate a victory.

25) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"

26) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

27) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm

28) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

29) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion

30) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

31) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"

32) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak

33) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween

34) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

35) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

36) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive

37) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

38) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"

39) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween.

40) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

41) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God

42) I do not have an Edward Cullen Patronous

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey"

45) Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

46) There is no bring a muggle to school day.

47) I will not say that Harry Potter's godfather has "taken the veil."

48) I am not to spell the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom or the Infirmary.

49) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

50) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from "Phantom of the Opera.

51) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life." to Lord Voldemort.

52) I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

53) I will not cover myself in ectoplasm and walk out of a fireplace, saying I took the "Flu Network".

54) I will not refer to "The Grim" as a nice doggy.

55) I will not refer to Professor Lupin as a nice doggy.

56) There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

57) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

58) -Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

59) I am not allowed to ink my owl's feet, have it walk across a parchment, and sell the result as cheat sheets for Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it.

60) I will not enchant the telescopes on the Astronomy Tower to display non-existent constellations during O.W.L. exams.

61) Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster", not "My Liege".

62) A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.

63) Professor Flitwick has heard all the "swish and flick" jokes before, and is very, very tired of them.

64) I will not send Professor Snape toothpaste and Shampoo for Christmas.

65) I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.

66) Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate. It's best not to bring up "Thriller", either.

67) Singing "Wild Thing, you make my heart sing" whenever you see Professor Lupin is not allowed.

68) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.

69) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

70) I will never again use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas.

71) -Or tomatoes, plums, oranges, any other food item, or any object that is not a Bludger.

72) I must stop referring to the professors by the embarrassing nicknames they acquired in their school days.

73) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.

74) -Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

75) Portable Swamps are not funny.

76) Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying, "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.

77) Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy; he does not need to be told... again.

78) Sneaking slugs into Ron's food is not funny. He does not like being reminded of his incident.

79) I am not the Wicked Witch of The West.

80) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

81) I will not melt if water is poured over me.

82) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.

83) I am not allowed to take house points from firsties for "being too goddamned short".

84) I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

85) –nor am I allowed to use silencing charms my Prefects.

86) Astronomy class will not cause me to be abducted by aliens.

87) I am not to organize a hunt through the dungeons to find The Phantom of the Opera.

88) I am not allowed to charm the words Ferret Boy onto Draco’s forehead.

89) I will not sell tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets.

90) -Especially if it is only a one-way ticket.

91) Singing 99 Vials of Potion on the wall nonstop repeatedly will result in a detention.

92) I shouldn't throw Fanged-Frisbees in the Great Hall.

93) I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born, even if I have access to a time turner.

94) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

95) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending to cast it at people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

96) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

97) - Especially not all of them at once.

98) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos.

99) I will not attempt to set up a mobile phone mast on the Astronomy Tower, or satellite and cable dishes.

100) Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.

101) I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office'.

102) - I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.

103) -Especially not with kazoos.

104) I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.

105) I am not allowed to attempt to stake Professor Snape.

106) Professor Flitwick is not to be referred to as the 'Dungeon Master'.

107) I will not commit crimes and then say I was under the Imperius curse.

108) I will not insult people and then say I was given Veritaserum.

109) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

110) The house elves are not there to do my homework.

111) The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

112) Shouting "Accio Dobby!" is not the proper way to get house-elf assistance

113) Wizard Robes are appropriate school wear. Bathrobes are not.

114) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

115) Shouting random Latin phrases while waving my wand is not acceptable charms research.

116) Providing Peeves with a case of dungbombs was a socially irresponsible action, and I will not do it again.

117) I will not attempt to make Professor's Trelawney's predictions come true.

118) I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class.

119) "All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts.

120) I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.

121) I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'.

122) I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.

123) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

124) I am not allowed to scare the first-years by screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeeeeeltiiing!" while they are in the showers.

125) I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore. Even if it would be amusing.

126) -Not even if I want to try to convince others he's going senile

127) I will not ask if Professor Lupin, Professor McGonagall, or Sirius Black have had all his/her shots, such as rabies.

128) I am not to "walk on water" in front of muggles.

129) Draco Malfoy is not a vampire.

130) -Especially not a vampire named 'Spike'.

131) Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.

132) I cannot charm all dictionaries to have: "Gryffindor" as the definition of "gullible.

133) Voldemort, after being defeated, did not get served.

134) Coming up behind Harry while he and Draco are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!" is not funny.

135) I will not sneak up behind Draco and Harry while they are in their Staring Snarky Yelling Matches and yell, "SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! LET'S SEE SOME SLASH!"

136) -Even if Luna Lovegood does say, "Yes, I thought so too."

137) I may not try to find out if any of the post owls are David Bowie in animagus form

138) I will not call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver to the common room.

139) I will not poison first years. No matter how much I think they need it.

140) It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.

141) I will not try to explain the laws of physics, not even for the sake of argument.

142) I am not to tell Muggle-born first-years that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans taste better when one eats a whole handful simultaneously.

143) I am not qualified to perform exorcisms on Hogwarts ghosts, and attempting to do so will merely offend them.

144) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision foretelling her death.

145) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket".

146) I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.

147) The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

148) Despite the appearances of the employees and the vaults, Gringotts is not the entrance to the Labyrinth.

149) -While in the company of goblins, I must not demand that I be taken to Jareth.

150) -Nor shall I tell them "You remind me of the babe.

151) Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name or see Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong.

152) No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them.

153) Repeat: Draco and Harry are not secret lovers. Draco and Harry are not secret lovers.

154) I will not tell Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs that Lucius Malfoy goes around singing "Dance, Dark Lord, Dance".

155) Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.

156) Using ‘Love potion number nine’ on people is illegal. Therefore, I should not make Harry fall in love with Pansy Parkinson; Again.

157) I will not refer to Fred and George as Hikaru and Kaouru

158) Nearly headless Nick does not approve of being called Casper the Friendly Ghost.

159) I will not bring up and say it’s an informational website about a
unique breed of diversified creatures, or insist we use the website to learn to care for them properly.

160) I will not attempt to apply muggle science, especially chemistry, to potions.

161) I will not inform the deatheaters as to the existence of missiles, nuclear powers, or the atomic bomb.

162) I will not replace all the centaur’s bows and arrows with machine guns.

163) I will not convince Draco Malfoy that he is being transferred to Pigfarts.

164) I will not hold a poltergeist convention in the great hall, not even if it would make Peeves happy.

165) The bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise.

166) I will not sacrifice any first years. No matter whom or how annoying they are, or what the benefits of doing so would be.

167) I will not steal Colin’s camera and hide it in the chamber of secrets.

168) I will not run into the Great Hall screaming “Voldemort’s coming! Voldemort’s coming!” Not even on April Fools day.

169) Seamus Finnegan is not a leprechaun.

170) I will not run into rooms yelling “THERE"S A TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! RUN!” even as an experiment to see if I get the same reaction as Quirrell did.

171) I will not try to convince anyone that my pet ferret is really Draco Malfoy.

172) No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

173) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".

174) I will not tye-dye all of the owls.

175) I will not re-enact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall

176) Or anywhere else for that matter.

177) I will not shave Mrs. Norris.

178) I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.

179) I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.

180) I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

181) I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think its funny.

182) I will not kiss Trevor.

183) I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

184) Skiving Snackboxes are not a suitable gift for first-years.

185) I will not mock Dumbledore with exaggerated limb movements.

186) Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

187) I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

188) I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.

189) I will not ask Ginny how to properly strangle a chicken.

190) I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead.

191) Filch does not have a sister named Magenta.

192) Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients, and I will not resell their products as "Veela Pheremones".

193) I will not refer to the Slytherin dorms as "the Tremere chantry".

194) The Malfoys are not Draka.

195) Hogwarts does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will cease going after the prefects with a sword.

196) I will not refer to Umbridge as Queen of the Toads, even if she really is.

197) I will not refer to Umbridge as Queen of the Toads, even if she really is.

198) It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".

199) Professor Flitwick's first name in not Yoda.

200) I will not refer to the hippogryph as "Horseybird".

201) I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.

202) I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.

203) -Nor am I the Care of Witches Underwear Professor.

204) -I am not a Professor, at all.

205) I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

206) -I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

207) -It was not an honest mistake.

208) I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard.

209) While wand safety is an important issue, I am no longer allowed to distribute any pamphlet, which makes reference to Belinda the Buttless.

210) It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.

211) I will not give any girl a one half of a set of two-way mirrors as a Christmas present.

212) -Especially if I don't tell her what it is.

213) I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class.

214) -Even if I brought enough for everyone.

215) -Emptying a bag full of them onto Professor Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behaviour.

216) Peeves may not countermand any of my professors' or prefects' orders.

217) Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.

218) The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."

219) I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth.

220) -Neither is The Fat Lady.

221) If someone's House Badge is green and mine is purple, it means they are in Slytherin House. It does not mean "The Sorting Hat thinks they're dumber than me."

222) Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on the school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.

223) Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".

224) -Neither does he respond favourably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".

225) A wand is for magic only; it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

226) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

227) My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not "Gandalf."

228) Neville is not my valet.

229) I will not threaten the Fat Lady with Dip.

230) Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

231) I should not tell anyone that Dean Thomas's nickname is John.

232) I will not go to any fundamentalist websites and argue that Voldemort is a direct contradiction of the concept of "intelligent design.

233) I should not refer to DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine.

234) I will not send pictures of magical creatures to the Weekly World News.

235) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".

236) There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

237) I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real mother.

238) I will not enchant the telescopes on the Astronomy Tower to display non-existent constellations during O.W.L. exams.

239) I will not send Professor Snape toothpaste and Shampoo for Christmas.

240) I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.

241) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.

242) Mrs. Norris does not like playing with blast-ended skrewts.

243) "Nessie is actually a cyborg created by the Zygons" is not an appropriate thing to say in Care of Magical Creatures Class.

244) While it is appropriate to refer to Voldemort as "Master" while in his service, Voldemort and The Master are not one and the same.

245) I cannot substitute Prydonian robes for my Hogwarts uniform.

246) -Nor can my winter scarf be longer than standard issue.

247) I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.

248) I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.

249) No part of the school uniform is edible.

250) -Not allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.

251) -Not allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.

252) Not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

253) -Not allowed to use silencing charms my Prefects.

254) Not allowed to prophesy the end of the world more than once.

255) Madame Hooch's name is just that, a name. Will not ask her to share.

256) -Also will not ask her to fly under the influence.

257) Will not try to recreate the Whomping Willow in herbology class.

258) Astronomy class will not cause me to be abducted by aliens.

259) Will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half-hour.

260) Woad and other camoflage/body paints are not needed for DADA.

261) I may not challenge prefects to meet me on the Quidditch field, at dawn.

262) Woad and other camoflage/body paints are not needed for DADA.

263) I may not challenge prefects to meet me on the Quidditch field, at dawn.

264) I will not only wear "Wizard hat, open robe & tie" and call it an authorized uniform.

265) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

266) I will stop sending Professor Snape forged love notes that appear to be from Professor Lupin.

268) I will stop asking Professor Lupin exactly what goes on between him and Professor Snape when he brings him the Wolfsbane potion every month.

269) I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane with Polyjuice Potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris.

270) I am not to stare at the Great Hall ceiling during dinner in the winter and cry 'My god, it's full of stars!'

271) The research and manufacture of mind-altering substances will not gain me extra credit in Potions.

272) I will not try to convert my housemates to Christianity.

273) -Or Wicca.

274) -This does not mean that my religious rights are being violated.

275) I am not allowed to hit Bludgers at spectators.

278.) -Or the referee.

279.) I will not commit crimes and then say I was under the Imperius curse.

280) I will not insult people and then say I was given Veritaserum.

281) -I will not give people Veritaserum.

282) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

283) Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

284) -Neither is Professor Snape.

285) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

286) The house elves are not there to do my homework.

287) Neither are the ghosts.

288) I am not a magical creature.

289) I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.

290) I am not Voldemort's illegitimate love child.

291) Professor Snape did not kill my father and does not deserve to die.

292) Seamus Finnegan does not have a pot of gold under his bed.

293) -Or under his robe.

294) I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.

295) I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.

296) -Including my own.

297. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class.

298. I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley.

299. "All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts.

300. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.

301. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.

314. I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.

315. -Including my own.

316. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class.

317. I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley.

318. "All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts.

319. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.

320. I will not attempt to make Professor's Trelawney's predictions come true.

321. Professor Snape's problem is not that "he needs to get laid".

322. Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.

323. -Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.

324. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time.

325. Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is inappropriate to sneak into his room at night and shave it off.

326. -Likewise, it is unkind to make the aforementioned hair into a wig and wear it to potions class.

327. -Nobody cares that it makes me feel "pretty".

328. I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

329. Shouting "Accio Dobby!" is not the proper way to get house-elf assistance.

330. "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.

331. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

332. I am not allowed to scare the first-years by screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeeeeeltiiing!" while they are in the showers.

333. I am not allowed to forget my Omnioculars in either the boys' or the girl's bathroom. Especially not while they are in recording mode.

334. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore. Even if it would be amusing.

335. -Not even if I want to try to convince others he's going senile

336. I will not tell 1st year Hufflepuffs that the Dark Lord eats Hufflepuffs for breakfast. Or any other meal. And then tell them that if they inform anyone of the warning the Dark Lord will choose them next.

337. Please stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student.

328. I am not to "walk on water" in front of muggles.

339. I will not compel Seamus Finnegan to pursue people asking them for their Lucky Charms.

340. Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes.

341. Hogwarts is in the UK, thus the United States Constitution does not apply to any of its students. Therefore, 'Avada Kedavra' does not fall under First Amendment freedom of speech rights.

342. The ceiling of the Great Hall would not look better as an Omni IMAX dome.

343. Calling Voldemort "Baldemort" is inappropriate.

344. When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is '42'.

345. I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.

346. Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.

347. -So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them.

348. Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.

349. Cannot charm all dictionaries to have: "Gryffindor" as the definition of "gullible.

350. Announcing "Remember: Save a broomstick! Ride a wizard!" is not an appropriate way to conclude a Quidditch match.

351. There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".

352. -Even if I do conjure him up.

353. I will not sing the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song when the Weasley family passes by.

354. -Or the "Hee-Haw" theme song.

355. -Or "Eight is Enough".

356. Asking the Weasley twins, "So do you do everything together?" is ill advised.

357. Telling Lucius what he could do with his staff... is not advisable.

358. I will not ask the school to sponsor a break dancing crew.

359. Getting Colin Creevey drunk and steering him toward a sleeping Harry Potter is just a bad idea all around.

360. -Then using his camera to take incriminating photos is not nice.

361. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house.

362. I will not call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver to the common room.

363. I will not poison first years. No matter how much I think they need it.

364. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.

365. I will not tempt Ravenclaws with apples. I will also not say that the Slytherins have tempted other students with apples.

366. Frankenstein is not required reading for DADA classes.

367. -Neither is Dracula.

368. I will not try to explain the laws of physics, not even for the sake of argument.

369. Using the 'Petrificus Totalus' curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the House means you should watch your back until June.

370. -Especially if the Weasley twins were staying over break.

371. -If Lee Jordan was there too, you're going to need a bodyguard.

372. I will not claim to be able to see the Thestrals if I cannot.

373. -I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they "obviously aren't cut out for this school".

374. I will not attempt to repel Dementors by covering myself in chocolate body paint.

375. The Crucible is not summer reading for History of Magic, and I should not tell First Years that it is.

376. I will not play the Darth Vader theme for Professor Snape.

377. - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

388. If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

389. - I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.

390. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror.

391. -Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is inappropriate.

392. Crabbe and Goyle should not be referred to as "Bulk and Skull". "Dumb and Dumber" is equally inappropriate.

393. No matter how vast the uses and entertaining the results, I will not indulge in fun with duct tape.

394. -This goes double for superglue.

395. I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

396. I am not to call Hogwarts "the most covert anti-Death Eater organization on the planet.

397. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

398. I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they are learning.

399. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Lupin's office door.

400. It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good-looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.

401. A ferret is not a proper Christmas gift for Draco Malfoy.

402. -Asking Mad-Eye Moody to turn Malfoy back into a ferret so I could keep him as a pet was not appropriate, either.

403. -Giving Draco a bowl of ferret pellets with his dinner was not an act of kindness, nor was it funny.

404. Dont tell Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs that Lucius Malfoy goes around singing "Dance, Dark Lord, Dance".

405. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.

406. At End-of-the-year-battle against Voldemort, I will not go up to Harry and say "May the Force be with you"

407. In Divinations Class, I'm not allowed to say I predicted that Snape is going kill Neville, no matter how funny Neville's girl screams are.

408. Fortune Cookies to not count as extra credit in Divinations Class

409. -That also counts for tarot cards

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Drugs".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _'

You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
When everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king./
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Carebears
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . nough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.

ONLY IN AMERICA...

...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance

...are there handicap parking spaces in front of ice-skating rinks

...sick people go to the back of Walgreens to get their medicine, while healthy people get their cigarettes at the front

...people buy hotdogs in packs of 10 and hotdog buns in packs of 8

...the banks leave both vaults open and then chain the pens to the counter

...people order a double cheese burger, large fries, and a diet coke

...people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveways and keep their junk in garages

...people use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss the calls from someone they don't want to talk to in the first place

...is the word "politics" used to describe the process so well; "Poli-" in latin means "many" and "tics" mean "blood-sucking creatures

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:"Put on fork and eat.".

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits".

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.

On an erasable Japanese pen: "This is pen who can erase".

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a knife sharpener: Caution: knives are sharp.

On shin pads for cyclists: Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot.

Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.

In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets.

On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here.

On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin.

On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

On a ketchup bottle: Instructions: Put on food.

On a bottle of rum: Open bottle before drinking.

A car park sign: Entrance only. Do not enter.

A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware of people.

Rules on a tram in Prague: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.

Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA: Take care: new non-slip surface.

On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children.

In a car handbook: In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.

Directions for mosquito repellant: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.

On a birthday card for a one year old: Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.

In a hotel bedroom: Please do not turn on TV except when in use.

In a lift in a Japanese hotel: Push this button in case anything happens?

On a can of Spray paint: Do not spray in your face.

On a TV remote: Not Dishwasher safe.

On a washing machine in a launderette: No small children.

On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as Ice Cream topping.

On a box of fireworks: Do not put in mouth.

On the packaging for a wrist watch: Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

In a dishwasher manual: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.

On a toaster: Do not use underwater.

On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.

On Costco's website, selling a tablecloth: Save big on Folding Tablecloth

FRIENDS VS BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS:Helps themselves and are the reasons why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to berry the body of the person who made you cry

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Will help you find your way when you're lost

BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Hide you from the cops.

BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they are after you in the first place.

FRIENDS: lets you make an idiot of yourself in public

BEST FRIENDS: Is up there with you making an idiot out of herself/himself too.

FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with you

BEST FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with you

A white man enters a bar and sees a black man sitting on a stool.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"Listen sir...when I was born, I was BLACK
When I grew up, I was BLACK,
When I'm sick, I'm BLACK,
When I go in the sun, I'm BLACK,
When I'm cold, I'm BLACK,
When I die, I'll be BLACK.
But you sir,
When you are born, you're PINK
When you grow up, you're WHITE,
When you're sick, you're GREEN,
When you go in the sun, you turn RED,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
And when you die, you turn PURPLE.
And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away..
Put this on your page if you hate racism

Stereotypes:

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

If you believe stereotypes are wrong, help spread the word. One profile at a time!

I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace (or facebook), or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Supernatural, who can express herself better with words than with talks, and knows the importance of the little things.

Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.

PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, Jasper 1006, , mad-dog-13,twilighternproud, RoseredBlood, LellyLunya, way-2-obsessed-with-vamps, the unheard dreamer, Konoha's White Fang, grimmich, 1withthepotionsseveroussnape,

Other stuff:

Choose 12 Characters:

1. Leroy Jethro Gibbs

2. Tony DiNozzo

3. Ziva David

4. Abby Sciuto

5. Timothy Mcgee

6. Agent Peter Burke

7. Neal Caffrey

8. Mozzie

9. Harry Potter

10. Severus Snape

11. Sherlock Holmes

12. John Watson

1) You're out on a night out with 8 when you're savagely and drunkenly attacked by 2. What does 8 do?

I’m out with Mozzie when I’m savagely and drunkenly attacked by Tony. Mozzie would probably silently sneak away and call El or Peter.

2) What would happen if 9 got 5 pregnant?

Harry Potter got Timothy McGee pregnant. Well, I guess it could be possible with magic. Either way, I guess it’s a good thing that 'don’t ask, don’t tell' was gotten rid of, otherwise, I imagine that it might be very difficult for McGee to explain what was going on. ;)
Anyway, I'm sure McGee would probably freak, then Abby would come to interrogate along with Gibbs.

3) 6 and 11 go to a strip club. What happens?

Peter Burke and Sherlock Holmes go to a strip club.
O.o
I don’t think that there is a possibility of either of them ever going into a strip club, (unless they are solving a case). I also don’t think they’d be going together. Peter Burke is straight and married. Sherlock Holmes as far as I can tell is asexual and/or married to science.

4) 7 and 12 are making out when 4 walks in. What's 4's reaction?

Neal Caffrey and John Watson are making out when Abby Sciuto walks in. I’m pretty sure that Abby would be fine with it and would probably just be happy for them.

5) 10 falls in love with 3. 1 is jealous, what happens?

Severus Snape falls in love with Ziva David. Gibbs is jealous. This entire situation is improbable and weird, though not impossible. Gibbs would probably sneak up all silent like and pull a gun on Snape. Then he would threaten Snape, Ziva would get huffy and Gibbs would back off eventually.
-or-
Gibbs would probably sneak up all silent like and pull a gun on Snape. He would then threaten Snape, only for Snape to turn around and give him the Snape-glare and threaten to cut him into potions bits.

6) 4 pulls up beside you, and offers you a lift. Will you take it?

Abby? That would be a dream come true! Of course I would!

7) Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Peter Burke isn’t afraid of Neal. He’s afraid for Neal.

8) 10 is getting ready to marry 5, when 9 runs in to stop the ceremony. What is 9's reason?

Snape is getting ready to marry McGee, when Harry runs in to stop the ceremony. Harry’s reason is because, as was said in question number 2, McGee had a baby with Harry, I can’t imagine Harry not doing the right thing and marrying McGee.

9) Give a title of a romance movie about 3 and 12.

Ziva David and John Watson? ’The Crazy Israeli’s Visit to 221 B’

10) Fill in the blanks: "(1) and (9) are in a happy relationship, until (9) runs off with (2). (1), brokenhearted, has a short relationship with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (8) and finds true love with (3)."

"Gibbs and Harry are in a happy relationship, until Harry runs off with Tony Dinozzo. Gibbs, brokenhearted, has a short relationship with Sherlock Holmes and a brief unhappy affair with Agent Peter Burke, then follows the wise advice of Mozzie and finds true love with Ziva David.”

Unlikely but in a strange way, it all kinda makes sense.

More quotes:

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

You'll always be my friend. You know too much.

The voices in my head are fighting again.

I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here.

The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone to blame it on.

I’m not as random as you think I SALAD!

Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself! It's rude!

Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

My voices tell me that your voices are dorks.

Hold up! I can't hear you. Let me turn down my awesomeness...

If explosives didn't solve your problems you obviously weren't using enough of them

Copy this onto your profile things:

- Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile.

- There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it becomes weird. If you agree, copy/paste this into your profile.

- If you think your insane because you say so, copy and paste this into your profile.

- If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile.

- I once read that only math can save us now. Put this in your profile if you're screwed.

- If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

- If you have ever fallen down the stairs, copy this to your profile.

- If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this to your profile.

- If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile.

- If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile.

- If you think Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

- If you realize that copying and pasting things in your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

- If you loved DH, HBP, OotP, Gof, PoA, CoS, and SS/PS,and know what all those initials stand for,copy and past this into your profile.

- If you liked Snape after Deathly Hallows copy and paste this in your profile.

- If you liked Snape Before Deathly Hallows copy and paste this into your profile.

- If you get too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out copy and paste this in your profile.

- If you miss Fred Weasley, put this in your profile

- If you are a die hard, no hope for cure Harry Potter fan, copy and paste this into your profile

- If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile.

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

Now that you've joined us, are you surprised to learn that we lied about having cookies.

Thanks! Happy reading!!!