Summary: He tried it with someone else's girlfriend, now it's time to try it with his own.

a/n: This rumbled around in my head for a while. It was actually supposed to be kinda funny, but it ended up being more on the serious side. Let me know what you think and we'll see about getting out another chapter.

a/n: My second story attempt. Constructive criticism is welcome. I know my writing style is a little weird.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Bang Theory.

Building A Better Girlfriend

Sheldon's Log: Supplemental. My earlier critique about Amy's behavior may have been a bit harsh. She has been spending a lot of time with Penny, otherwise known as Captain of the USS "Slaves to Baser Urges". Amy seems to be more easily influenced by the company she keeps than am I. A pity. She is the only one, save myself, I have seen with the capacity to achieve homo novus status. If only I could groom her properly for her station.

Leonard once told me that I shouldn't try to change his girlfriend to my liking through conditioning, but if I change my own girlfriend that way, surely no one would have a problem with that.

In order to deter her from spending too much time with her friends, I could have her spend increasing amounts of time with me instead. Though this will seriously cut into my Lego fun time, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make in order to mold Amy into the type of person she is meant to be. She'll also be thrilled to hear that we'll be spending more time together.

"I can't. Tonight is girls' night," Amy said with a grin.

Sheldon stared at Amy's Skyped face on his computer screen, astounded. Was she really turning down a spontaneous evening with her boyfriend to hang out with a couple of hooligans so they could all drink wine and act like idiots?

"Did you consider how difficult it was for me to even suggest something like this, Amy? I am a man of a routinary lifestyle," Sheldon told her.

"I know. That's why I've decided to save you an evening of going out of your way to do something different by not agreeing to your suggested evening. Therefore I can stick to my routine and you can stick to yours," Amy said.

Her logic was flawless, yet another reason he thought she would make an excellent addition to his own race of beings. Unfortunately, her refusal would prove problematic. He needed her to reduce the amount of time spent with those hens she called friends in order for his plan to come to fruition. He'd coaxed correct behavior from Penny by using chocolate as positive reinforcement. While his girlfriend did like chocolate, he didn't think the promise of such delights would change her mind.

Then again, he was sure that an impromptu date night would be temptation enough to lure her from Penny and Bernadette.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for girls' night," Amy told him.

He could see that she was about to end their session, so he quickly spoke, "Wait!" It had come out more desperate than he had intended.

It was enough to stop her, but he wasn't sure what else he'd wanted to say, resulting in a long silence between them.

Sheldon's brain began calculating possible and past statements and their outcomes. Failed promises of sweets, which hadn't in fact happened yet, but he was sure it would if offered. The spending of time with him not warranting the cancellation of her prior engagement. The Little House on the Prairie revenge scandal. The Indiana Jones virginity loss misinterpretation. And then it occurred to him what he'd discovered on the very day of his conditioning of Penny. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior.

"I wanted to surprise you with some of the things I had planned for this evening," he added calmly. "One of which is the discussion of where we stand regarding intimacy."

He was no expert on human behavior or reading expressions, but something in Amy's manner definitely changed.

"Alright. I'll just have to tell the girls I'll catch up with them next time," Amy told him.

"Excellent. Pick me up at seven and we can go to your apartment," Sheldon said.

"I'll see you then," Amy said, barely able to conceal the smile on her face.

That little scheme had worked like a dream. His attempt to whisk his girlfriend away from her friends was an absolute success. His only problem now was how he planned to have a discussion regarding intimacy when he had no clue as to what needed to be discussed.

...at seven...

Amy had arrived promptly, per usual, and greeted her boyfriend with a smile when he opened the door. "Hello, Sheldon."

"Hello, Amy," Sheldon greeted in return. "Would you like a beverage before we leave?"

"No, thank you," Amy replied.

Sheldon gave a nod. "Very well." He closed the door and locked it, even though Leonard was there. Then he adjusted the strap of his messenger bag and gestured for Amy to lead the way down the stairs.

The neurobiologist started heading down, but looked at Sheldon the whole time. "So, what do you have planned for this evening?"

"I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I think this is a discussion that is long overdue," Sheldon told her. "I've done a lot of research since we last spoke and I think you will be pleasantly surprised."

Amy's eyes lit up and the grin on her face nearly distracted him to the point of imbalance.

...at Amy's apartment...

The ride to her apartment had been a quiet one. He supposed she knew that he wouldn't speak of the topic of their discussion until he had reached their destination. He was glad she knew him so well.

"Would you like a drink?" Amy asked as soon as she closed her door.

Sheldon took a seat in his spot on her couch and gave a nod. "Yoohoo if you have it." He began rummaging through his messenger bag and pulled out a clipboard with some papers attached.

The glass of Yoohoo was placed on the table in front of Sheldon and when he looked at her, he noticed that she'd opted out of drinking anything. She was just sitting there looking at him and patiently waiting for whatever it was he had to say.

One sip from his glass, and he could tell that she was already growing impatient. He decided that they should get their big discussion out of the way before they began their impromptu date night. "Amy."

"Yes?" Amy asked, almost too quickly. The entire room lit up with her smile.

"I have been doing some research and I believe I've come up with a solution to our disagreement where intimacy is concerned," Sheldon began.

"Yes?"

Sheldon simply offered her the clipboard.

Amy gazed at the cover page in disbelief. Her smile quickly retreated and was replaced with a look of disgust. "Sheldon, how could you?!" She didn't even bother looking at any of the other pages on the clipboard. She just shoved the documents back at him and stood, glaring down at her boyfriend.

Sheldon looked up at her, confused.

"You say that you want to talk about intimacy, but instead you give me THAT?" Amy fumed.

"What? It's a valid solution. I'm surprised I hadn't thought of it sooner," Sheldon told her.

"You want to solve our intimacy issues by offering me a male escort?" Amy practically hissed at him.

"Of your choice," Sheldon tried to explain. He flipped through the papers on the clipboard. "There are pictures. I'll pay, so all you have to do is have a good time."

"A male prostitute, Sheldon?"

Sheldon raised his eyebrows. "Before we were dating, you were willing to try it with Zack."

Amy took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Sheldon, please leave."

"I can't. You're my ride," Sheldon reminded her.

"I think you should leave. Just take the bus," Amy tried to say calmly.

"But our date night's not over and I don't have my bus pants."

"I don't care. Call Leonard. Just get out of this apartment, right now," Amy said, remaining as quiet as possible as not to disturb her neighbors.

Sheldon knew Amy could have quite the temper when she wanted to, so he quickly put his messenger bag back over his shoulder and walked out of the apartment. As soon as he closed the door, he realized that he'd left the clipboard on her couch. But knowing what he now knew about women, he wouldn't dare go back in to get it. Maybe once she cooled her head, she would reconsider and want to look it over.

Thankfully his phone was in his pocket. "Leonard, come and pick me up. I'll be outside of Amy's apartment."

...to be continued...?