WARNING: Major manga spoilers! Though if you're on this site, it's likely that you've already been spoiled…

Author's Note: Having just gotten off the Feels Train of episodes 21 and 22 of the anime, I decided to write a story in which 1. nobody dies! and 2. everybody's (relatively) happy! Hence a happier and hopefully more humorous story from the members of the 104th Squad back in their training camp days.

Update schedule: Every Saturday afternoon, Seattle time.

Table of Contents, in which…

1) Prologue: the aftermath
2) …Sasha doesn't have a secret food stash, nope.
3) …Mikasa fights to win.
4) …Mikannie meets her match.
5) …Reiner's inappropriate display of cleavage costs him dearly.
6) …Jean finds himself in the middle of a chestfest.
7)…Connie is violated and violates in return.
8) …Armin has gone missing.
9) …Krista werqs it.
10) …Bertolt loses more than his mind during a pity-party.
11) …Jean finds himself in the middle of a shippingfest.
12) …Ymir is horrified at Krista's most recent developments.
13) …Eren seeks revenge.
14) …Marco isn't just Jean's sidekick.
15) Epilogue: Annie has a secret mission.

The Aftermath

Armin does not wake up in his own bed.

It's not even his dormitory.

As if that isn't bad enough, there are two people pressed tightly against his body.

He does not freak out. He does not shout or squirm. He does not even move. He is smarter than that… because any sort of violent reaction on his part would spell instant death.

Because this is the girls' sleeping quarters, and the girls sandwiching him on either side are two of the most dangerous people in the entire trainees' camp. On one side, Mikasa Ackerman breathes directly into his ear, occasionally whispering, "Eren," and purring contentedly. On his other side, Annie Leonhart looks oddly peaceful, an incredibly rare smile gracing her slender lips. All three of them are using the same pillow and are covered by the same blanket. Armin doesn't dare to move because, even though he cannot see underneath the blanket, it sure feels like neither girl wears much clothes to bed.

Armin doesn't need his brains to figure out that he will suffer grave consequences if either girl wakes up before he can escape. Misaka and Annie wouldn't scream, "Kyah! What are you doing, pervert?" because they both are not expressive people. Besides, Mikasa is Armin's childhood friend. They've gone swimming together plenty of times; she wouldn't kill him, though she would be embarrassed about mistaking him as Eren.

However, Mikasa would definitely see Annie sleeping on Armin's other side. Or, if Annie woke up first, she would see Mikasa. The rivals would get dangerous red glints in their eyes as they viciously fought each other to the death, and the poor unfortunate blonde that just so happened to be in between them would only be able to leave the cabin in several pieces.

It's not just Mikasa or Annie either; if any one of the fifty girls here sees him, a boy in the girls' cabin, he will move straight from "innocent shota" to "undercover pervert" in three seconds flat. …And he hasn't even hit puberty yet.

Less thinking, more doing. No sudden movements either. As slow as possible, still on his back, Armin lifts his knees towards his chest. Yesterday's injuries remind him not-so-gently that they're still there, but he forces through the pain. The gradual action, which takes almost a minute, lifts the blanket slightly. Annie complains wordlessly as her feet are exposed, but she doesn't do anything else. Mikasa purrs again, though maybe it's a snore. The other forty-eight girls in the dormitory do not stir.

Okay. He's still on his back, lying with his knees crunched up to his chest, trying to get used to the burning in his muscles from yesterday's damage. Again, as slowly as he can, Armin rolls forward until he's sitting on the bed. The blanket is pulled up as his body rises, exposing the shoulders and upper torsos of the two girls snoozing on either side of him. Armin tries to reposition the blanket back on top of them so that the cold won't startle them awake, and that's when he finally sees what their pajamas are.

Mikasa wears a sports bra and short shorts.

Annie wears nothing.

Again, Armin does not flinch. He does not scream. He does not rub his eyes frantically in an attempt to wipe the image from his mind. He is too young to see this. He does not want to see this.

Why him? How did he get into this situation? As far as he can remember, yesterday had just been another ordinary day. At least, as ordinary as a day amongst the members of the 104th Trainees' Squad can ever be.

Now that he's in a sitting position, all Armin has to do now is grab the wooden supports of the bunk above him. Then, maybe he can slowly lift himself off the mattress with as little disturbance as possible and then reposition himself so he can land on the floor. Then from there, he can either run for the doorway or climb out a window… though Armin immediately decides that's a bad idea. He will have to be standing up the entire time, and if any girl wakes up, they will see him immediately.

No, he'll have to hide underneath the bed until all the girls go to breakfast.

Armin slowly reaches up towards the supports of the bunk bed above him…

…Until the fifty-first resident of the dormitories kicks down the front door and screams at the top of her lungs.

Krista's beauty sleep is brutally torn to shreds the moment Hannah explodes into the dormitories, blurting out an unintelligible mixture of worded laughter and wordless nonsense as loud as is humanly possible. For a moment, she's tempted just to roll over and hide underneath her pillow and blankets; unfortunately, as her luck would have it, Hannah stops right next to her, hands waving and garbled words splashing out of her mouth and all over Krista's poor ears.

(Go away; it's warm and comfy and I don't want to get out of bed.) She restrains herself from reflexively slapping the redhead away (gotta be nice), instead mumbling, "Wha?"

It's only when a fist flies past Krista's face and hits Hannah's shoulder that Krista realizes somebody's sleeping on top of her. "Shuddap," Ymir moans, burying her nose within Krista's cleavage and freely running hands all over her naked body.

Krista is suddenly as awake as she'll ever be.

"Kyahhh!" she squeals, yanking her blanket over Ymir's head in horror. "Ah! Hannah, don't look!"

Speckles of spit fly out of Hannah's mouth as she tugs lightly on Krista's arm. She's still incomprehensible, but her words are becoming more pronounced and Krista catches "underwear" and "everywhere!"

This can't be good.

The first thing Annie sees in the morning is Armin's terrified face.

Her face doesn't change.

Her mind does flip its shit.

She blinks, slowly. When she opens her eyes again, Armin is still staring at her, begging, pleading, desperate tears welling up in his blue eyes.

Then she spots Mikasa behind Armin. The oriental dragon still slumbers, but she's nibbling on some of Armin's fair hair and giggling. The beast is laughing like a carefree schoolgirl and it makes Annie's blood boil.

She's quickly brought back to Armin's situation when a girl gasps in shock behind her.

Her subsequent actions are purely to protect her own virtue, not Armin's. She rolls away from the foolish boy, tumbling out of bed (not my bed; this is Mikasa's bed—what am I even doing here) yet landing with her legs and feet splayed out like a cat that has just alighted upon the ground after falling from a great height. Her actions are smooth and predatory and quick as lightning: a beautiful flying butterfly kick that sends the witness flying out the nearest window and draws attention to the shattering of glass and then to her, and not the boy hiding underneath Mikasa's blanket.

She doesn't even care that she's stark naked in front of her entire cabin. That's normal.

Mikasa's bed is not normal. Armin is not normal.

Sasha could climb trees before she could walk. That skill had become of little use once she'd run away from her mountain village and moved into the big city to join the military, but now it is of the greatest importance that she be able to scamper up to the tiniest branches of every tree in the training camp.

Because that pink lace panties fluttering like a flag at the top of a pine tree is hers.

"Eeeeyah!" she roars, frothing at the mouth as she snatches the piece of clothing off the branch and throws it to the ground. She doesn't even care that it lands in a mud puddle, because now it's that much less visible.

She does care quite a bit more when, during breakfast, she catches a glimpse of another pair of her missing panties—the one with the circles of little red hearts surrounding tiny little red steaks—peeking out from underneath Connie's pants. Him, wearing her underwear. Her brain is completely flummoxed as to where and how he found them, but her body acts of its own accord. After all, it's sorta hot and she almost wants to kiss him for it.

She ends up giving him The Wedgie To End All Wedgies instead.

In reality, Connie only wore Sasha's panties because he'd peed his bed (again! There has to be something in the water!) and all his clean boxers were mysteriously missing. He has his suspicions, but Reiner never shows up to breakfast and Jean has a perfect poker face.

Marco worries when neither Reiner nor Thomas participate in the morning 10 kilometer run… but yesterday morning Armin had been mysteriously missing too, and look how that turned out. He's sure that the two missing blondes will eventually be found with all their body parts intact.

The running trail now snakes its way through sections of the forest destroyed by yesterday's unexplained disaster; Marco catches up with Jean in the middle of the still-smoking crater. "No clouds," he shouts, pointing at the clear blue skies above them.

"Bertl hasn't failed me yet," Jean yells back, tapping his temple. "There will be rainbows."

Against all reason, Bertolt completes the run wearing as much clothes as is humanly possible. He adds an entire half hour onto his runtime because of it, and Marco and Jean have to shield themselves from the constant shower of sweat-drops when they overtake him, but Bertolt perseveres up until lunch. That's when the sweat-soaked scarf begins to suffocate him, and he's forced to take it off to reveal a drawing of a long loaf of French bread pointed towards his mouth.

The drawing was done in the permanent ink of Instructor Shadis' signature pen.

While they're all waiting around for the mess hall to open, Marco begins asking people about Thomas' whereabouts. When Eren snaps irritably at the freckled boy, Jean seems to take personal offense. Push turns to shove turns to full-out fistfight until Mikasa and Marco pull them apart.

No matter how much Ymir sneers at her, Sasha swears she will go down with this Erejean ship.

They finally find Reiner after lunch, still in his bed—and gagged, blindfolded, and bound with underwear. He is also completely naked and his skin is covered with drawings of French baguettes up to 35cm long. Even after the gag is removed, though, Reiner refuses to accuse anybody.

He does blush furiously whenever Bertolt's around.

It rains during afternoon lessons, and by the time class gets out, rainbow light twinkles off every reflective surface.

"A rainbow for Reiner," Jean is quick to proclaim. "Four rainbows for Eren! You go, Eren Yeager! And a rainbow for Ymir, a rainbow for Armin… oh hell, rainbows for everybody! Ahem… Except me, because there's only one girl in my—"

Mikasa punches Jean in the face before he can finish.

Chapter 1 preview:
24 hours earlier… Sasha protects her secret food stash.

"Don't judge me. I was born this way."