Part 1

I still can't believe it!

My dad called me a few minutes ago to talk, alone. At first I was confused. He never hides anything from my mom or Caleb. Usually, he would have talked with me in front of everyone. But now I realize that they already knew.
"You can't do this to me! I still have that choice!" I try hard not to shout. I was told not to do since I'm a little girl. Raising my voice above the necessary can be as powerful and destructive as a kick or a punch. And violence is something that Abnegation can not stand.
My dad and I have been here for a while now. Apparently he already has my whole life planned. As soon as I turn sixteen, my dad wants me to marry Marcus Eaton's son. Tobias. How does he expect me to marry a boy that I don't even know, is a mystery to me. One of the Abnegation rights is to choose who we want to marry with, and if we want to marry at all. Though or faction fully supports marriage and constitution of a family, nothing bad happens to the ones who chose to live alone. Of course that occasionally they receive a disapproval look from some of us, but that's all.
"I'm sorry, Beatrice but… it's your duty. You'll have to be selfless enough to do this. You have to think about the benefits that this will bring to our faction." He tries to explain calmly.
In my mind, his words follow paths that should be forbidden. Roads where my dad's words became selfish, and strategically chosen. But it's my dad we're talking about, which make this thoughts sound even more stupid that they already are. There is no such thing as selfishness inside him. So, if my dad says that is for the good of our community, I just have to believe that his intentions are pure. This doesn't mean that I accept it, though.
"What benefits? What do you want from us exactly?"
He takes my hands in his. Something that outside our door would be inappropriate, but in the safely of our own home, father care is sometimes needed and appreciated.
"You are the future Beatrice. You and Tobias. Together, you can do great things. You could be our new leaders. Marcus's son is a good boy. I'm sure you'll gather well together"
"That's not the point. I'm only fourteen years old and you already want me to get married? I thought I could be with someone that I loved"
I regret my words as soon as they cross my lips. My father's expression is harsh. And if I look really deep inside those familiar eyes, I can see disappointment, and judgement. I know that what I said was selfish, but it's what I feel inside. Maybe that means that I don't really belong to this grey life.
With steady and loud steps, he walks to the door. Before leaving he stops, not turning to me. "Marcus and his son are coming to dinner tonight, so you can meet each other. Please make me a favour, and stop thinking about yourself." With that, he closes the door, leaving me alone with a prototype of my future.
Maybe I should change faction. I still have two years to think about it, I can't get married until I am, at least sixteen. When the time comes I can change faction, and it will be like nothing of this ever happen.
But do I really want to forget that part of my life? My parents, Caleb, my moments as an Abnegation. Send all those memories to a dark corner of my mind, and lock them with an anti-feelings lock.

The rest of the day is spent with my mom. I help her cleaning the house while she tells me everything she knows about that Tobias Eaton guy.
Apparently he's sixteen years old (My dad must be out of his mind if he thinks that boy will accept to marry someone two years younger, and that still looks like a ten year old.) I know that Tobias is tall. He has dark hair, almost black and blue eyes. My mother says that he's handsome. She also said that he a loner. She doesn't know why, but he spends his days at home. Not a lot of people have seen him.
And that's all I learned about the man that I will call my husband in a few years. Mom says that I'll have to find the rest for myself. The base for a good relationship is the first moments where the couple is still discovering themselves. But for as hard as I try, I can't see me and the mysterious boy as a couple.

I'm helping Caleb with dinner, when I heard the knock. Mom smiles, and drags me to the door.
"Ready to meet him?" She asks in a supporting voice.
"Like I have a choice." My voice sounds a little more sarcastic than I would like, and is correct around here.
She looks at me one last time before opening the door.
The first person I see is Marcus. I already saw him a couple times, but to be honest, I always had a weird feeling about him. I try to ignore it though. I know that Marcus is a horned Abnegation.
Behind Marcus, a tall figure struggles to hide himself. His black hair and blue eyes give him away. I immediately know that I have Tobias Eaton in front of me.
I have to give my mother some credit. He is, in fact handsome. But that's not enough to hide his tired and annoyed looks. I can't blame him. He's being forced to marry someone that he just saw for the first time. Just like I thought, he doesn't seem to like the idea very much.
"Marcus, Tobias. I'm so glad you came." Mom says kindly, as a good Abnegation she is.
"Good night Natalie. Thank you so much for receiving us." Marcus replies in the same formal tone, although there's something that makes it slightly different.
"Get in. It's cold outside."
Tobias and Marcus get in. It can be just me, but I see Marcus do a little smile. Not a normal one though, it's more like he just won a bet that he was absolutely sure he was going to win. It can be because this marriage will be good for him too. Join the children of two important figures of the government together, would bring power to all of us. If I marry Tobias, there will be a strong probability of becoming leaders. It already happen before, and it can happen again. And besides, our family's voices would sound more loud and viable in the government.
But isn't this what Abnegation are always trying to forget about? Power? Isn't that why we have it? The power should be hold by the ones who doesn't seek it. That's what I've always heard. With all this, all this power chase, we're forgetting everything our faction teach us. And I don't want to live like that.
"Marcus, my friend. It's so good seeing you again!" My father greets as soon as they cross the living room door. "And you Tobias! I haven't seen you in ages. You've grown so much. You finally became a man.
Tobias only nods. He's not a friendly person to the ones around him. Just like mother said, he's a loner.
By the corner of the eye, I see Caleb getting in. I notice that he tries to keep a low profile, like he always does, actually. He knows that this isn't his moment, so he doesn't need to be noticed.
In a very subtle way, Marcus makes some kind of sign to his son. What he says next looks like it was trained countless times, until it was nothing less than perfect.
"Good evening everyone. I haven't presented myself properly. I'm Tobias Eaton.
To my surprise, Tobias holds his hand for me to shake it. The rules say that we're not allowed to have any kind of fiscal contact in public. Especially with someone that we don't even know.
I look at my mom with a help request in my eyes. I know that only her can lead me to the right way. She nods with a smile on her lips. It's good to know that my embarrassment amuses her.
"Beatrice Prior" I say simply.
"Pleasure to meet my fiancée"
I can feel the sarcasm in his voice. And once again, sarcasm isn't well seen around here. But I can't say anything about it. I do the same, once in a while. At least we have something in common.
"I can say the same" My voice sounds a little more challenging than I expected.
We keep our hands together for longer than necessary. None of us dares to break the contact. We look at each other like we're waiting for the other to break down. We see the other as a threat, and we have to prove who's stronger.
"Very well." My mother lays her hand o my back, softly. Her touch reminds me of who I am, and what I'm doing. "Let's go to the dining room. I'm sure dinner's ready"
My father and Caleb walk to the living room, followed by Marcus and his son.
"Wait a second" My mom makes me stop, turning me to her. "You know it could be worse, right? I mean…" She comes closer to me, and whispers so only I can hear. "I told you he was handsome"
It's the second time she tells me that. I start to doubt her sanity. We're not supposed to notice this kind of things. That's why we hide our beauty.
"Let's go Beatrice. It's rude to keep people waiting.
She flashes me a little smile, and walks me to the living room, so I can help her.
All that makes me thing about my future life. What happens if I marry Tobias? I guess this will be my life. I'll have to be a good Abnegation, a respectable member of our community, a good wife for Tobias… a good mother.
"Mom" I call taking a few dishes that were in the counter with me. "If I marry Tobias…"
"When you marry him" She interrupts. She seems to gain conscience of her words. "I'm sorry my daughter, but you have to do it. I do share the opinion that you should be able to choose but… it's your duty"
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
"When I marry him… will we have to… be parents?"
She turns to me with the chicken tray still in her hands, and analyzes me for a moment before answering.
"You know the rules Beatrice. You may or may not have children. That's something you'll have to discuss with Tobias. But the community, and specially your father and I would like it. Anyway, it's too soon to think about it.
She looks at me one last time before going to the dinning room and I follow her quietly. I have to show Tobias that I can be a good wife. Not because I want to be, but because of this unspoken competition.

The dinner goes without any trouble, and with a lot of unspoken words in the air. Tobias and I exchange a few looks. We're trying to get used to each other's presence. Mom is right. It could have been much worse.
In the end of our dinner, we all walk to the living room. Normally, this would be the time of the day were my parents listen to what Caleb and I have to say. But tonight is different. We're all allowed to talk. But I'm sure that Tobias and I won't need that alteration. I have nothing to say, and he doesn't talk at all. If I haven't heard him presenting himself, I would have supposed he was mute.
By the corner of the eye I see Marcus and my father nodding to each other. That can't be good.
"Beatrice, why don't you go show Tobias your room? That way maybe you can start to get to know each other." My father suggests.
Well, that's surprising. Is he suggesting that Tobias and I, strangers until now, spend time in a room, alone? I don't know why, but I'm almost sure that goes against, at least one of Abnegations rules.
"The two of them? Like… alone?" Caleb asks. I don't know if I'm right, but I swear that I can see rage in his perfect Abnegation eyes.
"Yes. I can't see why not. As soon as she completes sixteen, your sister and my son will be a married couple." Marcus replies. I notice a little smile, and I don't like it. But I try not to judge. That would be incorrect.
I can see in Caleb's eyes that it's not over yet. He doesn't agree with this. But what can he do? Even I can't do anything, and I'm directly involved.
I don't know if I want to stay in the same room as Tobias. At least not alone. I still don't trust him. Maybe that has to do with the fact that I just met him, or maybe it's because he's taking away the chance to control my future. I still have a lot of question about him though, but not enough to lock myself with him between four walls.
"I don't think we have a choice." Tobias says. I didn't notice he was so close to me, so I jump when he speaks.
"Maybe you're right." I get up under my brother's careful look. "Follow me"
I lead him up stairs, leaving my family and Marcus behind. If their plan walks on straight lines, soon I'll have to start seeing Marcus as family.
I guide Tobias to my room, and open the door.
"You may come in"
He gets in slowly.
"What a surprise. It's just like my room" Tobias says, a bit of sarcasm present in his voice.
"That's the beauty of being Abnegation. Every thing's the same." I answer with a sigh, as I sit by the edge of my bed, grey like all other, my hands folded in my lap.
I can see Tobias analyzing the situation. He's just as uncomfortable as I am. A few seconds later, he sits in the chair that all of us have in our bedrooms, facing me.
The following five minutes are spent in silence. We don't know what to say. In a way, we blame the other for what's happening, when we should be supporting each other. It's the right thing to do. But I feel like we still have a long way ahead of us.
"You don't like this either, do you?" Tobias finally asks.
I look up, only to find his blue eyes staring at me. I nod.
"Not even a little. Nothing against you, of course, but… I thought I would have a chance to decide that part of my life"
I see him clenching his jaw. He blames me, just like I blame him. I know that I shouldn't, but I can do nothing about it.
"It's not my fault" I say between teeth. Something unconscious, but I don't mind. Rage runs in my veins, along with adrenaline and confidence.
Tobias keeps staring at me. I can't help but notice that he's being a little rude.
"I know. But I can't avoid it" His expression changes as he speaks.
"I know the feeling. If you didn't exist, I wouldn't be engaged at the age of fourteen.
I see a little smile on his lips. This is the first time I truly see him smiling. It's a good picture. "Technically, we're not engaged yet. I still have to do the official proposal."
"Take your time. There's no rush"
He looks at me again. I really can't decode his thoughts. I wonder if I ever will.
"When my father told me that I had to marry you, I shouted for the first time I my life." Tobias says, staring the floor. His hands are folded on his lap, just like mine. By his posture, I can see that it's really hard for him to be telling me this. "I told him that he couldn't do this to me. That I still had the right to chose for myself. That's when he hit…" Tobias stops talking, and looks at me like I'm some sort of ghost. His eyes are wide open, and his teeth nibble is lower lip. And even not telling me the rest of it, I have a huge need to comfort him.
"I had the same reaction when my father called me this morning for our little chat. When he told me, it took me everything I had to stay calm. I didn't want to freak out."
Tobias rose from his chair, only to start passing around the room, almost making a hole on the floor. He runs his hands trough his hair, as I hear the sound of his speeded steps.
"Can't they see that this is a huge mistake?" Tobias's voice is tough and loud. Maybe they can hear him downstairs. But if they do, no one comes up here to see what's wrong. "We're young. We barely know each other. And most important of all, we are not going to change anything!"
"And what do you plan to do about it?"
I can see his little smile when he answers. "I can leave Abnegation, Beatrice."